Taking children to a funeral

#1 July 3rd, 2007, 10:18 AM

Do you think it's right for children to go to a funeral...say children under 12?

M4NE · #2 July 3rd, 2007, 10:31 AM

I think it would depend on how mature the child was and whose funeral it was. While I probably wouldn't take my 4 yr old to his great grandma's funeral, I might take him to the funeral of someone in the family that he is close to. I would explain to him what was going on and leave it up to him as to whether or not he wanted to go. I don't think that I would take a young child to the funeral of another young child. I think this is something that would have to be decided on an individual basis.

Gina1978 · #3 July 3rd, 2007, 10:33 AM

No.I wouldent let mine go...(they are 10 and almost 8 years old)
I think its too much for their little minds to deal with.

#4 July 3rd, 2007, 10:42 AM

Quote:

No.I wouldent let mine go...(they are 10 and almost 8 years old)
I think its too much for their little minds to deal with.[/b]

I agree. But how do you explain death to a child? What age should they know about it?

I have a 14 month old, I don't know much about this subject.

#5 July 3rd, 2007, 10:51 AM

I think it depends on the child and whose funeral it is. My grandparents died when I was 8 and 10 and I went. I even sang at one and played the piano at the other. I think that if it is someone close to the child, they should go. It can give them closure, same as an adult.

Funny story about kids at funerals - when my grandma died, my sister was about 4 or 5 and she went to the funeral too. There was a "viewing" before the funeral, and my sister walked up to the casket, peeked over the edge, and reached up and honked my grandma's nose!!!! And said "HONK HONK!"

#6 July 3rd, 2007, 10:53 AM

Quote:

Funny story about kids at funerals - when my grandma died, my sister was about 4 or 5 and she went to the funeral too. There was a "viewing" before the funeral, and my sister walked up to the casket, peeked over the edge, and reached up and honked my grandma's nose!!!! And said "HONK HONK!"[/b]

jodi16ss · #7 July 3rd, 2007, 11:00 AM

I see nothing wrong with taking children to a funeral. That is, if they can behave. While I wouldn't take my 1 year old to a long service (it would be disruptive), I would take my now four year old. In fact, I took him to a viewing at 2. He seemed to behave much better at that age than I could ever dream of my dd! LOL

I believe that death is a natural and normal part of life. Teaching them about death is no different than teaching them about God (or whatever religion you may practice), why the grass is green, or where babies come from. Teaching your child about death does not have to be dark and cold. Granted, the first discussion should NOT come up while you and junior are sitting in front of Grandpa's casket.

#8 July 3rd, 2007, 11:03 AM

Quote:

I see nothing wrong with taking children to a funeral. That is, if they can behave. While I wouldn't take my 1 year old to a long service (it would be disruptive), I would take my now four year old. In fact, I took him to a viewing at 2. He seemed to behave much better at that age than I could ever dream of my dd! LOL

I believe that death is a natural and normal part of life. Teaching them about death is no different than teaching them about God (or whatever religion you may practice), why the grass is green, or where babies come from. Teaching your child about death does not have to be dark and cold. Granted, the first discussion should NOT come up while you and junior are sitting in front of Grandpa's casket.[/b]

ITA with every word of this.

#9 July 3rd, 2007, 11:05 AM

I will take my children to funerals.

Hopefully, it won't be too much for their minds to deal with because I don't plan on speaking about death as something to be afraid or scared of. It's a natural part of life and I do not believe life ends after death. Funerals are to show your love and respect of the person who passed. It's to reminense (sp) about the life that person lived and to "rejoice" about all the good they have done and how much you care about them. It's also a farewell and good wishes for them to continue on their journey of the afterlife.

This ^^ isn't something my children should fear.

If my child does start to become overly emotional and overly upset (because it's normal to be emotional and upset when someone you love has died) then I will leave and comfort my child and talk to them about their feelings.

rose198172 · #10 July 3rd, 2007, 11:14 AM

It depends on the age and how close the child was to the person who died. I wouldn't take any kids under 10 years old to a funeral of a distant relative.... they don't need to deal with that. But if it was a close relative, like a grandparent, then yes.

SusieQ2 · #11 July 3rd, 2007, 11:16 AM

I think it totally depends on the child and who the funeral is for. My dad's father died when my dad was only 9. My grandmother wouldn't let my dad go to the funeral because she thought he was too young. My dad has resented that ever since and he is 55 years old now.

calicocat · #12 July 3rd, 2007, 11:44 AM

I WOULD take a child of any age to a family funeral, but I wouldn't take a child of any age under about 12 to most other funerals. My DD was 4 and DS was 1 when my grandfather died and they both went to his funeral. I had explained to DD that my grandfather had died and that after you die you go away to heaven. Well she thought that we were going to the funeral and her Papa was going to get into a car and drive off to "heaven." She didn't understand but it was a step in us teaching her about death (our beliefs anyway.)

Niamh ૐ · #13 July 3rd, 2007, 12:01 PM

I think it's fine. I went to my grandfather's funeral when I was 6 and my brother was 4. It kind of taught us a little about death.

However, I do remember a point at the funeral where my brother and I were misbehaving...

Lash · #14 July 3rd, 2007, 12:02 PM

I went at age 5 and was totally glad my mom took me. I was very close to my great grandma and I'd have been incredibly confused if I didnt get to go to the funeral

Gina1978 · #15 July 3rd, 2007, 12:22 PM

Quote:

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Quote:

No.I wouldent let mine go...(they are 10 and almost 8 years old)
I think its too much for their little minds to deal with.[/b]

I agree. But how do you explain death to a child? What age should they know about it?

I have a 14 month old, I don't know much about this subject.
[/b]

Iv explained death to my kids,they know all about heaven etc..They are ok about it and seem to understand it.Its also been explained to them in religion at school.
The reason I wouldent take my kids to a funeral is because they would be exposed to crying,upset adults and an atmosphere that I wouldent want them to see at such a young age.The whole thing is just to upsetting..I have seen people take their kids (not as young as mine),but I dont like it.
They know its sad..I just wouldent want them to see what an impact it has on people you know?

PinkSand · #16 July 3rd, 2007, 01:11 PM

I don't think anyone is ever ready for a funeral but it is part of life. All my kids have attended funerals.

glasscandie · #17 July 3rd, 2007, 01:24 PM

It would depend how old she was, and who the funeral was for, like a few people have said.

For instance, if it was a close family member (parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, cousin, etc) I would bring her regardless of her age. I've read a few books on dealing with death, and they've all said that as long as the child *wants* to go, funerals are almost always a good thing for them, to deal with death and deal with the closure.

If any other person died (friends, distant relatives, etc) it would depend on her age, and if she wanted to go. For example, one of my friends died this past October; DD was 13 months old. I didn't bring her with me to the funeral, it would have been inappropriate.