Can't help be feel jealous, which makes me feel awfully guilty..

hubshope · #1 March 16th, 2010, 10:15 AM

Okay, so I feel guilty on many, many levels to even admit this.

We were at Mass on Sunday and a girl walked in with her two little boys, about the same ages as mine. I sat there looking at her and wondering if she would like another, a chance for a girl perhaps. Then her husband walked in, holding the tiniest little baby girl. I just couldn't help but feel jealous that she has her girl.

I feel awful for feeling that way. As I've said, I desperately wanted both my boys to be boys, and originally agreed to sway pink only because my husband wanted a girl so badly. But ever since researching, I've gotten to the point that I badly want my third child to be a girl. Of course there's still that dream of growing older and having my brood of boys, complete with all the sports games I'd be getting to go watch. But now there's this yearning for a daughter that I've never experienced before.

The problem, that even with the thought of swaying helping out, I think I'm destined to only have boys. And I get jealous when I see women with both. And I feel guilty for feeling jealous. I've never been the jealous type. I just really believe that because I said for about 8 years that I wanted ONLY boys that now that's all I'll ever have. I want four children, so I suppose I have two more chances, but I just don't see that little pink bundle in my future.

Thanks for listening, ladies. I just needed to vent.

shell1981 · #2 March 16th, 2010, 12:34 PM

I totally understand how you feel hun. I have 3 friends who have recently had babies. When they went for their 20 week scan i was hoping and praying they would have boys. I felt so awful for doing this especially when one of them, my best friend had told me how much she would love a girl. 2 of my friends had girls including my best friend. I thought i had come to terms with it by the time my best friend had her, but walking out of the hospital i had tears streaming down my face. Its awful and i know the guilt you feel too!!! I really hope your sway works and you end up with a beautiful pink bundle. Part of me thinks maybe its a good thing that they had girls because at some point i may have to come to terms with the fact i have 3 boys. Big hugs to you and i think its the kind of thing you cant talk to many people about. But we are all here to support eachother. And im sure alot of us feel similar.

hubshope · #3 March 16th, 2010, 06:15 PM

Thank you shell for understanding. It certainly helps to have this site and you ladies who understand and don't think I'm awful for feeling this way.

I really thought I only wanted to sway for my husband, to fulfill his dream, but each day we get closer to the month of trying to more I really want our next child to be a girl. And the more mother/daughter pairs I notice. The more families of 3+ I notice...and "inventory" their genders.

I wish we all could get our little girls (or boys if that's what someone is longing for). Thank you for being so sweet to me, and so supportive. I really needed to get this out...and to hear that I'm not alone.

Shalyn · #4 March 16th, 2010, 06:36 PM

I totally understand. I have the opposite situation going on but it is still the same.........I have 2 girls and am almost 18 weeks pregnant w/ my 3rd baby.......my u/s is on March 26th and I am OBSESSED with having a boy. Me and my husband want one so bad. I look at other people in real life or on these boarsd and see their siggy's w/ a boy and a girl or 2 girls then a boy or 2 boys then a girl and get excited. I get scared when I see 3 of the same gender.

I am losing sleep over this, because I keep having dreams about it being a boy then I'm all happy but sometimes it's a girl and I am all sad.........not because I won't love a girl but because I know I'll never have a son.

I do get jealous when other people get a boy and a girl (not that I would trade my girls for anything) or at least have one of each gender. I just want to experience both.

Plus we were on vacation when this baby was conceived so we didn't get to go everything to sway for a boy. We did BD on the day before and the day of O, used instead cups, deep penetration, but did not get to get DH caffiene before BD'ing.

I was going to start a thread about this but I guess I won't..........pretty much got it all out here. Just know you are not alone.

hubshope · #5 March 16th, 2010, 07:40 PM

Shalyn, I will pray hard for you that you find out you're carrying your much wished for baby boy.

It's so hard to want a specific gender when you have only a few things you can do to try and sway, and even that may not work.

Congrats on your 2 beautiful girls and your baby to be. I know the little bean is already growing, but I'll send you some of my very abundant blue dust anyway!

Shalyn · #6 March 17th, 2010, 05:23 AM

Thanks I appreciate it! I hope both of our dreams come true!

shell1981 · #7 March 17th, 2010, 07:14 AM

Shalyn, I really hope you get your little boy, i will send you some blue vibes from me. I think your timing sounds good. I will be thinking of you on 26th. You will have to update us!!!!!

SamuelsMommy · #8 March 23rd, 2010, 12:24 PM

I know how you feel. I'm a little different because I've wanted a girl from the get go and was slightly dissappointed when my first was a boy but not terribly because I obviously did want one of each. When I found out my second was a boy, I was just crushed. Especially since a close friend and I who were pg with our boys and were pg again was having a girl. I know what you mean about looking and noticing the gender of other people's children. And DH's family just seems to make boys the men are 1 for 9 in the girl making category for thr last 3 generations. I didn't know about swaying before so we will try it next time, but I kind of feel like you, in the pit of my stomach I feel like I will never be the mom of a girl.

Cait&AngelAbove · #9 March 23rd, 2010, 08:20 PM

It is completely normal to feel that way.

AlwaysAMom247 · #10 May 1st, 2010, 07:38 PM

Another mommy here who totally understands.... I have 3 boys - and I love them all dearly. By the time I had 2 boys I was glad the 3rd was a boy too because I thought "After 2 boys, what would I do with a girl?" But now, I'm suddenly struck with the want for a little girl. I want to have that mother-daughter dynamic that I'm missing right now.
Now, I've had baby fever for a little while now.... and I honestly would not be upset if I had one more boy... but I also feel like I'm missing out on having a daughter...

yveb77 · #11 May 21st, 2010, 03:37 PM

Hubshope...I am in the SAME boat !

I have 2 boys ages 12 and 9. I was so happy to have boys at first because they could be brothers and they have played so well together...now I'm 22 weeks pregnant and found out at my 20 week ultrasound that I'm expecting ANOTHER BOY !!!!

I feel the same way, I get soo jealous when I see others with their girl and boy, or a few girls and one boy etc..I wonder why I couldn't be the one with the 3rd baby being a girl...and I feel if I try again I might have another boy..its scary. I want to try for another girl after I have this baby but I feel so hopeless. I keep trying to google ways to conceive a girl and well it just makes me more sad knowing that I am pregnant and not really excited that Im having a boy.

I thought I was the only one feeling this way. I'm glad to know that I'm not. I hope we all get our little girls eventually.