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Marie's TTC Journal


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  #21  
March 7th, 2009, 08:45 AM
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Sore bbs last night and today, passing nausea last evening, AF type cramps today-another very clear bfn FRER this morning, 12dpiui. I'm running out of hope that I'll be having a Nov 09 baby
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  #22  
March 7th, 2009, 04:31 PM
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lots of AF type cramping this morning, are my embies implanting or am I getting ready to get rid of them? Come on embies, we're waiting for you
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  #23  
March 8th, 2009, 09:33 AM
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two clear bfn's today-13dpiui----gotta start making plans for my next IVF in June
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  #24  
March 9th, 2009, 09:34 AM
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another gross bfn today 14dpiui, no AF. Not sure if there's any pt in a beta tomorrow, is there? I guess I'll need one to stop the progesterone
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  #25  
March 9th, 2009, 11:01 AM
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I just remembered, I had a dream early this morning that I was holding triplet baby boys in my arms-I haven't had a baby dream in three years or more---no bfp so I guess it means nothing.
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  #26  
March 10th, 2009, 09:14 AM
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bfn last night and this morning 15dpiui
I'd go for a beta today, if the truck would start-its minus 48 celcius with the wind chill-brr!
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  #27  
March 11th, 2009, 11:11 AM
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Had a beta drawn yesterday, still don't have results but AF showed this morning-its over. Why did I get my hopes up? If IVF didn't work for me, why would I think IUI might have? Optimism, I get a kick in the teeth everytime. Now two months off then onto an IVF Flare protocol in May or June. I was reading up on international adoption yesterday.
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  #28  
March 12th, 2009, 11:13 PM
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I'm so sorry Marie.
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  #29  
March 13th, 2009, 06:35 AM
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I'm so sorry sweetie!!!
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  #30  
March 14th, 2009, 10:37 PM
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Awww, thank you so much ladies-it means so much to have everyone's support. You just don't always get that IRL, kwim?

On the night of AF, I was researching adoption and other options. I found a site called Fertile Heart by Julia Indichova (?sp), and I ordered her books Inconceivable and The Fertile Female. They came yesterday and I finished Inconceivable today. She got pg in her 40's with an FSH in the thirties-she had secondary infertility. If she can do this, so can I-she did it with NO MA. She had seen countless specialists who wouldn't even touch her b/c her FSH at 42 was 42--and she got pg on her own. I know it could be hokey, but I am willing and want this badly before resorting to an IVF that has great potential to fail. I have a prenatal yoga video that I've never opened, and I bought some wheatgrass powder today; it tastes yucky, but I chased it with two cups of water. If drinking this yuck might avoid years of $$, shots, agony and disappointment, then I can do it I'm also looking into someone who does something dealing with emotional healing; I've done alot of work, but I'm sure there's more to be done.
I'm not going to sit here at 35 and cry in the corner b/c someone tells me my eggs are old-my mom had AF until she was 53, I have many, many more fertile years left until then! And I'm going to stop pretending that I don't want a 2nd child as badly as I do; this missing baby has left a hole in my soul, despite the beautiful DS I've already got---there is a hole in our home waiting for this 2nd child and I will do whatever I need to do within myself to get that baby here, in its bed, in its high chair, in its stroller as we walk thru the park with my toddler running beside us. I want another pg and another baby, and I'm going to stop convincing myself that I don't.
Let's see how much resolve I have tomorrow morning as I choke down that wheatgrass
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  #31  
March 17th, 2009, 10:01 PM
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Today was wheatgrass day 4 Boy, the powder is awful! But I already have alot more energy, feel great on less sleep, and am much more alert. I'm taking 1-3tsp each morning mixed in water or juice-I mixed it in yogurt and fruit-gross! I can't wait until this jar is done, then I'm paying for capsules! I've done yoga once, maybe I'll have time tomorrow morning. I'm doing positive self talk, I keep reminding myself that I am fertile, this is what I was made to do, how could I not be pg again? I'm learning to prepare my body from within for my new baby. I need to stick to my WW plan and cut out the chocolate; its been calling to me the past four days again
One breath at a time, one day at a time until I hold my new baby in my arms...
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  #32  
March 23rd, 2009, 10:32 AM
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Today is wheatgrass day 10 I spoke with the fert clinic on Friday and I get two months off, then start bcp that third cycle then move into ivf flare-so likely June or July for a summer bfp! That's my goal, anyhow
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  #33  
March 27th, 2009, 10:36 PM
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Today I started Maca 1000mg daily in capsules, and I did my yoga video this morning!
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  #34  
March 30th, 2009, 10:17 PM
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Today is cd 20-I think I had some spotting yesterday and today---I had an u/s today and it showed one cyst on the left-didn't tell me size, but it sounds like things are otherwise okay-maybe I'll call the fert clinic tomorrow and see what they say. I hope AF isn't here this early, but she has been known to show from cd23-26-33. I don't even want to consider the possibility of IB, my heart can't handle the disappointment if I'm wrong this month
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  #35  
April 6th, 2009, 10:07 AM
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I called April 1st CD1 but now it looks like April 4th was really it. I should call the clinic and change the date, but what does it really matter? I poas yesterday morning just to be safe, but bfn, just like I suspected. I need to stop trying to control this. I'll drink my wheatgrass and eat my maca and wait for the call for another IVF cycle. If they wanted to break my spirit, they've done it. Now they can do a cycle on someone with no hope, if I have no hope then I won't be disappointed when it fails again, and their lowered stats will be blamed on my age. Done.
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  #36  
April 9th, 2009, 10:00 AM
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I spoke with the fert clinic today, they're offering me treatment with ER and ET at the beginning of June. I spoke with DH and we decided to delay by a month since I've got a big national conference to attend 2nd week in June across the country, and it also works better to delay workwise for both of us. Tentative schedule, start bcp with 2 AF's from now, so around May 27th for 21 days, baseline u/s, and then start Suprefect injections. My next AF will be approx 3rd week in June and I'll start injects on CD3, ER would be somewhere beginning of July. I'll have firmer dates when I call in with next AF likely around April 28th or so. I don't have the heart to check what kind of EDD I'll have if it works, sigh.
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  #37  
April 17th, 2009, 09:58 AM
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I've been on the maca and wheatgrass since March 27th, today is cd13, I started getting O'pains and ewcm on cd 11-I haven't had this since TTC#1 in 2005!! Wow, I think its the maca that's doing something! I've also been much warmer the past 13 days, usually I'm really cold all the time, now I'm back to hot flashes and taking off my jacket in the house!! Woohoo!!
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  #38  
April 17th, 2009, 10:05 AM
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Marie, I hope this is it for you.....so you don't have to go thru the IVF.
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  #39  
April 20th, 2009, 10:36 AM
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Thank you, Jessica!
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  #40  
April 21st, 2009, 10:57 PM
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I was at work tonight and I called home to talk to dh. He said he got a call from his dad tonight and asked if we wanted twins? DH asked "twin whats"? Turns out FIL has a co-worker who has a daughter who just had 6lb twin baby boys-she and her DH have severe developmental issues, have a 2 year old son with no deficits which her parents are raising, and now she just had baby boys who will likely be given up for adoption as her parents cannot take on more kids. I don't know all the details, and this might not even have a remote chance of happening for us, but maybe there is hope? DH said, of course we'd take them-they appear to be normal developmentally, but it could be much too soon to tell, but their 2 year old sibling is fine. Wow, realistically if this were to go through, I could have these little men home within a week, depending on their gestational age at birth, etc... All I know is they're in a city hospital 5 hours away. All I can do is pray that this works out, but I cannot get my hopes up if it doesn't or cannot. I'm set to start IVF mid June, that I can count on. Could you imagine??? What a miracle this could turn out to be! And if this were to happen, and these little boys needed extra care or had special needs, they couldn't come to a better family than our own-they would be loved and cared for just as much as our Noley, they would lack nothing. I need to settle down, this may not even happen.
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Last edited by Just_Marie; April 21st, 2009 at 11:00 PM.
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