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I know exactly how you feel. I love him to death with all of my heart, but if we have a fight or something, i think about everything we have ever fought over like it was yesterday and i catch myself thinking - is this right? Are we right for each other? Should we have ever gotten married? but then I cool off and realize i'm being a big dope and it goes away until we fight the next time
so i guess we're both weird
I end up just like lane6901... feeling like, did I make the right decision, etc...
Sometimes I think because I came from a broken home, I have a lack of trust in general to the family system. I think I'm really sensitive to the "cracks" per say.. What do you think? Anyone come from divoriced/broken homes?
I can't say I've felt like this when we fight. Sometimes I think argh I just want to scream at the man, but I don't think screaming or yelling solves anything so we try to stay calm and talk things out rather than yelling. I have never questioned whether I did the right thing or not though. My parents got divorced at 10, thank goodness. It was horrible living in that house because they fought all the time and screamed and dragged my brother and I into it. And that was just the beginning. Im sorry, it doesnt help with your question...
Phew! I thought I was teh only one. Whenever we get into a huge arguement I think "what was I thinking marrying this man?" or "dammit I shoudl never have married him the first place, now I'm stuck" or "we shouldn't be having this baby at all. We're not ready and he's an A-hole!". Of course things always get resolved. But when it's the same old fights then I get so discouraged. Plus, with the pregnancy hormones I blow everything out of control and he doesnt' know how to handle me or this new situation or ours so he freaks too.
I'm glad to hear it... unfortunately. Right now, I'd say, no way will we ever break-up but in the disagreement and the wound after, I don't feel very confident. Urgh! I hate those feelings of wondering.
When I was 5 years old, with two brothers age 4 and 18 months, my mother walked out on us, and moved 3000 miles away. During my childhood, I heard from her about once every 2 years or so.
My parents got a divorce soon after the abandonment and I was raised by my father. When I was 7 he married a woman, that lasted for 3 months. Then when I was 8, he married another woman, who he stayed married to until he died last year. This woman was the epitomy of evil stepmother. I have stories that would make your hair curl!
I moved out on the day that I turned 17 years old, just so I could have peace from her. Within a month or so of moving out, I got custody of my two younger brothers.
On average, I would say I had a relatively dysfunctional family and childhood.
My "broken home" experience is probably one of the biggest influence on my marital relationship now. I value having peace in my home and with my partner. And to that end, I do everything I can to have a peaceful home.
It's hard to comment on the "feelings" without understanding the dynamics of your relationship, the history, etc. Thats why I relate my opinions to my own situation, because I am able to put my opinions in perspective of my own relationship.
I am personally not from a broken home, but DH is - and i do think it changes things. He was raised strictly by his mom and g'ma, so he will do whatever they say no matter what. Anytime he goes against them (which is rare) they blame me, thinking i am pulling the puppet strings. I don't care for the way the do things with the kids (such as not buckling damen into a carseat - he is 3 1/2), but he won't do anything to stop it cuz he doesn't want to hurt their feelings. That is what our major fights always about that make me question the stability of our marriage. He is not willing to stand up to his mom and g'ma cuz he doesn't want to hurt them, but he is willing on risking his child's life. Then, he gets upset at me if i say something negative to his family. that is where i think the broken home thing comes from - just him always taking mom and g'ma's word as gospel.
Also - i grew up watching my mom and dad and seeing how things were there, my parents are truly made for each other and my dad always puts my moms wants and needs first. My DH has always been taught to do for himself, so he puts himself first on a lot of things (really makes my dad insane - when DH asked him to let him marry me he said on the instance that DH gives me the life i am used to, so it REALLY bothers my dad)
dont know if that answered your question, but its my take on it
Originally posted by mrobinson@Nov 22 2005, 02:29 PM No one has mentioned whether they agree or disagree with my comments about coming from broken families...
I did mention it in my previous response, but I will again in a different way. My parents divorced when I was 10, my mother had lots of instabilies, ie BPS. My next couple years with my mom she was very emotionally abusive and had several boyfriends, one of which lived with us until they got into a fight, broke a mirror in the house and my mom ran off only to call me to have me kick him out. I wanted to move in with my dad and stepmom by the time I was 12, got there when I was 13. Since moving out, my mom and I have been a lot better, but it's still something you never forget. I am fortunate that my dad married a wonderful woman and that I had good friends. I married into a quirky fun big family that really loves me too, so I know I am very fortunate and I feel blessed by all I have.
Originally posted by dbonds8013@Nov 22 2005, 05:59 PM My "broken home" experience is probably one of the biggest influence on my marital relationship now.* I value having peace in my home and with my partner.* And to that end, I do everything I can to have a peaceful home.
I completely agree with this. I have had years of counseling, decided I was going to have a different family than I grew up in, and this has been probably the huge influence on the trust I have and the peace we have in the house. I think coming from a broken home helped out my relationship now, because I was able to see what I didn't want to happen in our home, and we work through things instead of fighting.
I hope those small feelings will just go away - I also strive for a peaceful home... I'm really not saying it isn't... It's just when we do fight, I end up with those feelings... I wish they'd just go away.
Originally posted by mrobinson@Nov 23 2005, 10:11 AM I appreicate all the repsonses girls!*
I hope those small feelings will just go away - I also strive for a peaceful home...* I'm really not saying it isn't...* It's just when we do fight, I end up with those feelings... I wish they'd just go away.
i feel the same way.
i think alot of it is also that every little girl grows up watching princess movies - cinderella, sleeping beauty and so on - that gives you a false sense that the when you meet your "prince charming" you will have the perfect happily ever after marriage - when sometimes there are bumps along the way that you never foresaw.
that's my deep thought for the day - it could just be the mass quantities of turkey that i ate today talking
mrobinson - if you ever just need to talk, you can pm me anytime