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I think my marrage is over


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  #1  
November 15th, 2005, 09:10 PM
ellymayone's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Dh just told me that he doesn't know if he can ever start loving and caring
about me again!!!! IDK what I did....I am hurting so bad and when did he
stop??????? I feel so alone and depressed........I am pg and alone with 2 other
children to take care of and I can't do it by myself. I am hurting so bad all
over I feel like I am going to freak out. I love my husband and want nothing
more than to spend the rest of my life with him but I guess he doesn't want
that. I don't understand what I did to make him hate me so bad I am a good
wife and mother so why did he stop loving me????????
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  #2  
November 15th, 2005, 09:26 PM
Madylyn's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Oh geez what happened?? Did you guys have a fight, or is this an ongoing problem? I'm so sorry to hear that he said those things to you! How long have you been together??
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  #3  
November 15th, 2005, 09:32 PM
ellymayone's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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We have been together for 4 1/2 yrs.
We have had our problems in the past but for almost a year
our huge fights have stopped being on a regular basis so I
just thought we were ok but he just won't talk to me when there
is an issue all he will do is sit there and start rolling his eyes and
saying mean hateful things to me and just doing what ever he can
to hurt me. This was different though he has never said that to me
he has always said he loves me still but this time is different this time
he is just being different and IDK what to do I just feel so empty
and I feel like I am going to loose it. I have no friends near me and
noone to talk to so I am all alone except for my babies in their beds
sleeping. He is saying he doesn't even want this baby and he doesn't even want to help me pick a name he just doesn't want anything to do
with me at all. Now how am I supposed to feel attached to something inside me that is apart of a lie? I feel horrible for saying it but I can't even feel anything for this baby inside me bc I don't want to do it on
my own again I did it with dd and it was hard and I don't want to be a single parent again espesially not to a newborn, now don't get me wrong
I would never even think of killing my child or even giving it away I just
don't know how to feel attached to something that is from a lie.
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  #4  
November 16th, 2005, 05:33 AM
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I am so sorry to hear you going through this. I hate to sound harsh and cruel but you have to some how pull yourself together. Don't just roll over and die. Are there any family members you may be able to move in with until you can get on your feet? If you're not sure talk to them, ask. When I was going through a divorce with my ex I didn't talk to my family enough so they had no clue that we had all the problems we had and they all told me that I could have stayed with them, and since I didn't talk to them like I should have I didn't know they felt this way. I just tried to deal with it on my own. You have to be strong, I know it's hard but you have to do it for your kids and for yourself. As for the baby that your carrying you can't think of it as something that's from a lie. Every life is a miracle and that child was meant to be here. It's depending on you to care for, nurture and love him/her. Try to think of it that way. Like I said I know this is going to be hard and I'm not saying not to cry or be hurt b/c you're going to, this is very painful, but you've got to find a way to be strong. If you have any family or friends you don't have to go through this by yourself. You should try to find a counselor as well, that helps alot. Again honey I am sorry you're going through this.
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  #5  
November 16th, 2005, 11:04 AM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
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Sounds like there is a serious lack of communication going on, especially on his part. I think you need to find some way to get him to open up to you. If you love him and really want to be with him, then you need too find a way to get that through to him and find out what is wrong. Without knowing what is going on, it is hard to give advice other than you need to talk with him.

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  #6  
November 16th, 2005, 11:29 AM
ellymayone's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thank you all so much for your replies.....
I have thought he was cheating before but when I sit and think about
it logically when is that ever going to happen I mean he never leaves
he is always here and if he does go somewhere I am almost always
with him or he is going to his mothers house. I honestly don't believe
he is cheating you just have to know him and he just isn't that way.
I can see him talking to someone else but not actually physically cheating. I know what our prob is and yes it is a serious lack of communication!!!!! When something happens that bothers him he just
holds it in instead of just telling me what it is that is bothering him so
when it comes out it comes out as a lashing out towards me. He told
me he was sorry this morning but I flat out told him that, that was and
is NOT going to make me feel better in the slightest so he said he is
going to try it my way and try to talk to me with his probs instead of keeping them in. IDK if we will stay together or not but I AM NOT just
going to give up on my marrage I married him for life and I did and still do mean it and I don't ever want to be with anyone else. We separtaed for a few months a couple years ago and I had my ex come and try to
get back with me and I told him that I was not going to be with anyone in any kind of way unless I had signed divorce papers in my hand and even then I didn't know how long it would be before I would be ready for that. I LOVE dh with all my heart and I know that our problems can
be worked out it is just a matter of wether or not he is willing. I will keep
you all informed and thanks again for all the responses and support I really appreciate it.
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  #7  
November 16th, 2005, 12:14 PM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
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I am so glad that he sounds like he is willing to try. Is he willing to try counseling together? Talk to someone at your local church to see if they can do it for free or reduce in price. He said a lot of hurtful and mean things to you and that is going to take time for you to heal from. Just dont use that to hurt him back with.
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  #8  
November 16th, 2005, 01:46 PM
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ITA! If you guys are going to try to make this marriage work (which is great) the hurtful comments need to go and he needs to open up and talk to you, you are his wife. I think sometimes spouses forget they should consider the other as their best friend and it seems that maybe he's lost touch with that. IMO I wouldn't try to take care of this by yourselves I would definitely seek professional help. I do wish you the best and good luck.
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  #9  
November 16th, 2005, 01:47 PM
ellymayone's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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That is something well one of many things that are totally opposite of us he says things mean just to hurt me but I am not vendictive I just don't see the need to be mean just because you are mad. I guess bc I know how it feels and I don't want him to feel that way.
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  #10  
November 18th, 2005, 04:50 AM
**Mary**'s Avatar mom to Tabby,Kk,Emi & Jay
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I don't know why he stopped but I am sorry that you have to go through this.
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  #11  
November 23rd, 2005, 06:50 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by TAA@Nov 16 2005, 08:33 AM
I am so sorry to hear you going through this. I hate to sound harsh and cruel but you have to some how pull yourself together. Don't just roll over and die.
<div align="right"><{POST_SNAPBACK}>
[/quote]
I have to agree with this comment. You have to do what you need to do for you and your children. If this man is blatant enough to say the things to you that he has said then you need to start figuring out how to move on without him and be a strong woman. I did it alone with my oldest child for the first few years of his life too and it was very rough, but I'd do it again in a heartbeat rather than live with a man who says he doesn't love me and makes my life hell. It just isn't worth it for my selfworth and my children to live in a situation like that. You are worth more than that and there is someone out there that will love you for who you are, you will find that person one day.

If he wants to work it out then I would make him commit to going to counseling. You can't be expected to be the main one working so hard to make the marriage work. It just doesn't work that way.
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