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my DH is going to be PISSED....


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  #1  
June 25th, 2008, 02:36 AM
LadyGamer's Avatar Objection!!!
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so i was chatting with his "best friend" and she starts talking about our finances and that we shouldn't save as much and should buy more nice things, like all new furniture and a new car and stuff, because we can afford it. i told her we are saving up for a house and she starts talking about how if she had our money, she would have a nice car, rent a nice house instead of our apartment and get all new "really cushy furniture", "not because it is cost effetive, but because she could". come on. what right does she have to say this stuff? to criticize us for choosing to save our money instead of throw it away?

"like, I dunno. maybe my standards are higher or something or Im picky, but Id just live day to day better"

***. who says that to someone.


and then i go off on her telling her that she has no right to say these things and she needs to learn to treat people.
her response:
"funny that, I dont know how to treat people yet I have friends. and you, for all your awesomeness, have none"


i lost it and went off on her and now i think he is going to be mad at me.
i told her that i wish she would just go away and leave us alone, but she won't and that it makes me want to puke when i think about her.

hmm....

i'm not sure if i've mentioned that the ONLY problems we've had in our marriage have been caused by her.
i'm so torqued. ugh.
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  #2  
June 25th, 2008, 08:10 AM
fiefer87's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I can definately understand how pissed you would be about something like this. I would have flipped out about it too. And your dh has no right to be pissed. He shouldn't have been discussing your finances with her or with anyone to begin with. That is just rude and disrespectful to you and your marriage. There are definately some things that should not be talked about with anyone, and finances are one, unless both parties agree that it is ok to disclose those kinds of things to selected people.

On a side note, I don't know any of the back story but it really sounds like she is jealous of you and wants your dh and is trying to cause lots of trouble for you. I would be very careful and have a serious discussion with hubby about whether or not she can be trusted as it sounds like she is very free with any sort of personal information he may have shared with her. I would not trust her either.
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  #3  
June 25th, 2008, 10:55 AM
BabyGirl2003's Avatar Super Mommy
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oh wow...why would someone say that to you!? How rude! When did people forget about the saying "if you have nothing nice to say, then say nothing at all"?!?! Seriously! If DH is mad, then let him...she had no right to say thoughs things and because your priorities are different then hers.....
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  #4  
June 25th, 2008, 11:28 AM
LadyGamer's Avatar Objection!!!
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Quote:
On a side note, I don't know any of the back story but it really sounds like she is jealous of you and wants your dh and is trying to cause lots of trouble for you. I would be very careful and have a serious discussion with hubby about whether or not she can be trusted as it sounds like she is very free with any sort of personal information he may have shared with her. I would not trust her either.[/b]
Back story: She is his ex. She dumped him a few months before we got together. They stayed really close and I can promise that she does not want him back. The problem is she still thinks she knows everything about him and would know everything better than me (though she denies this). He trusts her 100%. I do not. She drives me nuts.

I'm about 89% sure she is a sociopath, as she has no regards for anyone but herself in any way. She thinks that because she has an opinion she can state it, because it is her opinion, despite how it makes others feel.

A few months ago, she had the nerve to tell me that my DH isn't passionate about me and that if she were in my place she would want him to love her and pay attention to her. WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS? And then she didn't realize why I got offended? HELLO?!

The reason I got so pissed about the finance thing is because she has said stuff like this before and said it was no big deal.

She claims that we are just different and I shouldn't be upset because our standards of hurtful are different. Well, why would I want to be friends with someone who doesn't realize what is hurtful?
In her own words: "You think I'm being insensitive but I don't see anything wrong with what I'm saying"

I just want DH to kick her to the curb, but he told me he isn't ready to lose that close of a friend (or at least that is what he said last incident). We'll see about this one.
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  #5  
June 25th, 2008, 12:20 PM
ashleighgurl's Avatar Loving Wife and Mommy
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Wow, I can't believe she had the nerve to say those things! I would be SO pissed at her! I can see how having her in his life would cause problems for you two. If DF had a friend like that, I know that would cause problems between us. I agree that it sounds like she is jealous of you, but you said that she doesn't want him .. So, I don't know? But, I think it will be ridiculous if your DH is actually mad at you for that. If anything, he should be very angry with HER!
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  #6  
June 25th, 2008, 12:38 PM
Chunky Monkey's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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She has a right to her opinion HOWEVER if she has brought this up before as you stated, why does she still persist? If the problems in your marriage is caused by her, hopefully he can see that and move on from having such a friend. You don't need the added drama and stress in your marriage caused by someone who is supposed to be a friend.

I have 2 best friends of the opposite sex that I have known for like forever. They have their opinions of things but they know better than to harp on DH about anything. One actually did try and I didn't speak to him for a long time. And DH is friends with both of them... actually works with one of them, that is how I came back in contact with him.

I hope he can see what she is doing and decide to put the friendship on the back burner.

Good luck!
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  #7  
June 25th, 2008, 12:47 PM
LadyGamer's Avatar Objection!!!
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Well, I can officially say the he is not upset at me. He is a bit torn though, so I guess I need to give him time to sort it out emotionally.
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  #8  
June 25th, 2008, 12:58 PM
fiefer87's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Well I am very glad that he is not mad at you, and I guess it would be hard to let go of someone who is that close to you. I am def. glad she doesn't want him back, so at least points for that, but it does sound like there is some sort of jealousy still, for whatever reason? Hopefully things will work out for dh and he realizes she is not the type of person he wants around him and his family (what kinds of things would she say to your kids?) or at least limits his time with her and realizes YOU don't have to be friends with her.
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  #9  
June 27th, 2008, 08:12 AM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
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At least he is not mad at you, thats good!! I dont understand why he cant cut her loose! Sure they are friends, but come on, she is an ex, he is now married, time to move on and make some new friends!!!
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  #10  
June 27th, 2008, 11:08 AM
LadyGamer's Avatar Objection!!!
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update: so, after a bit to think about it, I think he has decided that he doesn't see the situation improving, which means its pretty much time for him to say goodbye to hurt. I know he has mixed emotions about it, seeing as she means a lot to him and was very important in his life for a long time. After they broke up, he said it turned more into a brother-sister relationship (not right away, of course, but they both started being okay with it). He understands that most people do not like her and now that she has pushed me to this point, he is just saying its over. I tried for over a year and a half to be friends with this girl... in the beginning, I thought we were, until she wrote me a note saying, "i hated you all this time but now i like you". I hadn't trusted her since, considering the whole time she always told me she liked me and i was being paranoid, then she tells me she was lying.

i'm glad for it to be over, but i know i have to be supportive of Andrew.
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  #11  
June 27th, 2008, 04:07 PM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
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I am glad to hear that he is finally breaking things off with her. Thats just not good that a man keeps his ex around.
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  #12  
July 10th, 2008, 02:14 PM
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Exs' hanging around is never a good thing. I am glad he had your back like any good husband should.
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  #13  
July 11th, 2008, 12:16 PM
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Quote:
oh wow...why would someone say that to you!? How rude! When did people forget about the saying "if you have nothing nice to say, then say nothing at all"?!?! Seriously! If DH is mad, then let him...she had no right to say thoughs things and because your priorities are different then hers.....[/b]
her telling you your husband isn't passionate about you is jealousy. passive aggressive jealousy. any way you can have a talk with your husband? He needs to understand how she's making you feel, and he needs to put you ahead of her since you are married. Sounds like he's got her a little bit on a pedestal, probably because she dumped him.
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  #14  
July 11th, 2008, 08:50 PM
LadyGamer's Avatar Objection!!!
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*sigh* so after him telling me that he "reconsidered their friendship", I was woken up by her sending him a text message the other morning. I freaked out. Apparently, part of his reconsidering was that he was just going to talk to her online, via email and IM and by text (which is what they did 98% of the time). I thought he was just cutting ties. I was very upset and actually just got dressed and went to the beach a while to think. I just felt like nothing changed and like he wasn't doing anything to stick up for me. i'm trying to be understanding, but it just drives me nuts. i just know because nothing really changed she will feel superior to me, like she "won". I was rather hurt.

He claims that if he cuts her out of his life entirely, then she will try and maliciously sabotage our relationship and marriage (opposed to just doing it accidentally).
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  #15  
July 12th, 2008, 08:30 AM
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Hey Girl!!!!
I am sorry that ur DH is being stupid when it comes to this girl... He needs to wake up and see what she is really doing.. She already is messing with ur relationship and NO FRIEND no matter how much they were there for u is worth that!! She sounds like a conniving, manipulative witch.. Put the B there instead please I think I would have already smacked the hell out of her.. Ok I know I would have.. lol.. YOU and only YOU are the one that he shouldn't want to cut ties with... Ask him for NO contact with her..PERIOD.. that means no texting, no calls, no letters.. NOTHING... Tell him also that if any friends of yours did this to him.. You would not be speaking to them. There is NOT a good enough reason for him and her to still be speaking esp. since she is causing all these problems between the 2 of you... I hope that this gets resolved for you.. But he is just a man and they do not think very well Good luck sweetie! ( I hope I have not offended you any)

Blessings,
Jen
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  #16  
July 12th, 2008, 11:04 PM
LadyGamer's Avatar Objection!!!
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Quote:
Hey Girl!!!!
I am sorry that ur DH is being stupid when it comes to this girl... He needs to wake up and see what she is really doing.. She already is messing with ur relationship and NO FRIEND no matter how much they were there for u is worth that!! She sounds like a conniving, manipulative witch.. Put the B there instead please I think I would have already smacked the hell out of her.. Ok I know I would have.. lol.. YOU and only YOU are the one that he shouldn't want to cut ties with... Ask him for NO contact with her..PERIOD.. that means no texting, no calls, no letters.. NOTHING... Tell him also that if any friends of yours did this to him.. You would not be speaking to them. There is NOT a good enough reason for him and her to still be speaking esp. since she is causing all these problems between the 2 of you... I hope that this gets resolved for you.. But he is just a man and they do not think very well Good luck sweetie! ( I hope I have not offended you any)

Blessings,
Jen[/b]
you didn't offend me in the slightest. but you're right... if any of my friends did something like this to him, no matter how close we were, they would be out the door. it somewhat baffles me why he is hanging on so hard, but i know it is because he is terrified of change. i know one day we'll get over this, but it probably won't be until she does something else and i actually have to say "stop talking to her or i'm leaving". i guess i'm a bit scared to get to that point, even though i know in my heart he would do it. he just feels in his heart that she isn't trying to do it on purpose so we shouldn't punish her. IMO, no matter if she is doing it on purpose or not, she did it and she knows she did it. i'm just sick of her, "because it is my opinion, i can say it, no matter how hurtful it is, because it is my opinion" attitude. he just has so much faith in her which no one else sees, and he knows it.
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  #17  
July 14th, 2008, 11:14 AM
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Hey girl!!
IMO I think she is doing it all on purpose.. Men are really blind sometimes... U might have to end up saying enough and then threatening to leave.. But hopefully it won't go that far.. If it was me, I would def. dish back out what she is giving... You have been nice for long enough.... Or attack her first before she has time to say anything.. BUT it could tick off DH.. If it does, just tell him you are SICK and TIRED of how she treats you and that he doesn't take up for you one bit..Let him know that every time she does something that you will respond back..If she brings money back into it and starts on that entire convo again.. tell her you are NOT a mercenary B*tch like her.. etc etc.. And if she brings up that he is not passionate about you.. tell her thats strange since he sleeps with me EVERY night... Get down and dirty with her hun.. If you hit back maybe she will stop... You might not want to do that.. since it could make it worse..I've had a few people like that in my life and got tired of their lil digs.. so I started hitting back and it did end up stopping. Good luck hun!!!

Blessings,
Jen
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  #18  
July 15th, 2008, 11:02 AM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
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Wow, I cant believe how blind he is to it all!!! No way in heck should he even be texting her, talking to her online or in any other fashion. So apparently he thinks that she could ruin your relationship if he cuts off all contact, but cant see thats what she is already doing!!
What are you going to do now??
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  #19  
July 15th, 2008, 11:46 AM
ThatStaceyGirl's Avatar Oh noes!
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I'm so sorry your DH is treating you this way. He does need to straighten out his priorities.
He chose to marry YOU and not this other girl. Your feelings should come before any of his friends, if he truly respects you.
You definitely need to ignore this girl at all opportunities. Why should you have to be friends with her?
I wouldn't stoop to her pettiness by trading insults and degrading comments.

The girl wouldn't upset me near as much as the way your DH is allowing it. You wouldn't allow one of your friends to disrespect your husband in this manner, so it shouldn't be allowed to happen to you.

I really hope he opens his eyes soon to what is going on. I hope it gets better soon.
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  #20  
July 15th, 2008, 08:51 PM
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i'm just going to ignore it until it is a problem again... the put my foot down for good. i'm a bit nervous because we have to see her at a party next month and i know i'll get rather upset if she tries to talk to him. i agreed to go with my best friend (who is actually her ex , so we hate her together)... so we'll see how it goes. i don't want any confrontations at all, so i think we're just going to hang low and probably leave early.
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