Lovely DH

~*Mandy*~ · #1 August 30th, 2008, 09:41 PM

I'm posting here becuase I really 1. Don't know what to do and 2. I need to get this off of my chest even if I don't get a response. I just need to vent to someone dang-it.

Dh "quit" smoking the end of may or so and was doing really well. I was so proud of him. Smoking really bothers me, just the smell and everything about it. Kissing an ashtray mouth wasn't appealing. I used to smoke when I met dh and ever since I quit its completely grossed me out, repulsed me, and honestly makes me a little ill. Well after all the little spats about the smell, and just being disgusted whenever he tried to kiss me or be close to me, he decided to quit. I was soo proud of him becuase he was doing so well. This is a man who had smoked for 10 years and then just up and quit without a glitch. I'd tell anyone who I came across well my dh quit smoking and he was such a heavy smoker if HE can do it, you can do it too. Needless to say I was proud. Which is why today I was a little disapointed. I found out that he's still been smoking some. I smelled it and caught him red handed. After trying to beat the truth of him he finally told me that he's been smoking at work for about a month or so, (he smokes with the other guys on his breaks) but THEN he let it slip out that the days he's off he still smokes 5 a day compared to the 10 a day when he's working, which means that he is completely sneaking behind my back to do it. Its been going on for a month so it makes perfect sense on why he's doing it now. A month ago (just about) is when I started nannying so I'm not home all day long and he can do as he pleases, before then I was home so he couldn't smoke here or really sneak outside to have one. I know its silly and stupid in hindsight but I just don't know what to do about it. It really disgusts me and honestly more than the disgust itself I feel sick inside that he's been lying to me all of this time. I just asked him a week ago if he's slipped or how he's doing and he looked me right in my eye and said I promise on our daughters life, I have only tried one and it didn't do anything for me. I'm just so hurt that 1. He's still smoking and 2. That he swore on our daughters life and lied point blank about it. I know he didn't want to upset me but this upsets me so much worse than just smoking a cigarett could do. I don't want to act like I don't care and say well just smoke then but I don't want to give him an ultimatium either. Ugh. I just feel so hurt and stuck.

Plus its like if he can look me in the eye and lie to me about that what else is he hiding or lying about kwim? We've always battled on trust issues a little bit here in the past and we came SO far from that and here I feel like I'm at square one again.

Chunky Monkey · #2 August 30th, 2008, 11:50 PM

I'm so sorry

I don't really have any advice for you, except talk to your DH about it. See if there is a factor of why he still feels the need to smoke.

~*Mandy*~ · #3 August 31st, 2008, 07:12 AM

The only thing he says or can come up with is he enjoys smoking and wants to enjoy life.

Chunky Monkey · #4 August 31st, 2008, 01:34 PM

That's what my DH says, also that he is under an incredible amount of stress. Suuuuure. He works, comes home, sleeps, plays his game. That's it!

in_mommy · #5 September 1st, 2008, 03:57 PM

Oh I so know about having trust issues. The sad thing is that the lie is worse than admitting the actual truth. They just dont seem to understand the lying is the problem. Mine has lied to me about this and that in the past and we have had tons of trust issues come out of it, although he has never sworn on any of our kids' lives though. You need to confront him about this and let him know how that made you feel. Do not let this go or keep it bottled up. The more you let it go, the more and more you are going to wonder about him being honest with you on everything else. Sometimes mine would lie about the dumbest, stupidest things and would not understand why I was so upset. He thought I was upset about what he did, and could not get through his thick head that it was the lying and me finding out the hard way was the problem. I hope you guys can work through this!!

cantwait_22 · #6 September 16th, 2008, 03:24 PM

I feel for you as well. But I am the smoker. I cant really tell you anyways to help. I cant say boy he screwed up lying. This is crazy but you should make a smoking jar. For everytime he smokes, he has to put 1 dollar into the jar. When the jar is full, take the money count it in front of him show him how much its costing him, and then use it for something for your daughters. Like a college education fund. After a few months should how much money he would save if he just quit smoking and use cig money for college money. I dont know if it would work, but i think its a good idea.