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When you want to scream but can't!!!


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  #1  
August 4th, 2004, 07:50 PM
tig2ger4lifemommy
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Ok, First, I LOVE DH! I will always love him, but what do you do when you are the one wearing the pants in the family??

AGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

OK, I do the bills. He can't handle money, in fact every month he puts us in the hole with his ATM/Debit card. But he won't give it to me. So each month we end up with a - balance!

Ok, he works and I am I'm a SAHM. He works the 2-10:30 shift, but it can swing to a later shift. He feels this intitles him to not help with the kids, or so it seems. I do everything and if something doesn't get done like his work clothes aren't wrinkle free, he is mad at me! He sleeps as much as he wants and if I interupt his sleep he gets mad, yet I could use a day or two a week where I could sleep extra! I'm up with the kids at 6 am and go to bed between 12 and 3 am.

Next, when is everything not going to be my fault or cause a swearing spell at me or the dogs?? Sorry, but the dogs didn't do anything! And well I can only get so much done. Half the time it isn't anything I did! His anger gets out of control and then when I come to the rescue of the dogs, it is the "well I'm just a horriable person because I yelled at him. That's right rescue the dog from me, I'm just a horriable person" and he stomps off to the computer or outside or some other place.

I've almost lost my patience with him.....and needed to vent. I feel better. Thanks for listening.
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  #2  
August 5th, 2004, 07:01 AM
I Heart 4x4
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If your DH has a major problem with the ATM card, here is an idea. Get a separate account and put in an allotted amount that he can spend each month on whatever he buys. Have the bank put a block on the account, so the card is denied when it gets to a zero balance, or a $10 balance - whatever it is you'd like. That way you won't go into a negative balance (does he know that effects your credit score?), and he won't have to give up the ATM!

As for the way he behaves at you, what a punk! I'd need to vent, too, LOL. I'm sorry DH is being such a butt, he needs to realize that SAHM's need breaks too - it's a proven fact that being a SAHM is like working two full time 40 hour jobs!! And that's just with ONE baby/toddler/child!!!

Keep your chin up! **hugs**
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  #3  
August 5th, 2004, 10:02 AM
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Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 875
I think Ashley had a great idea with the ATM issue! I did that with my DH because every time the ship leaves, he'd put us in the hole with his ATM spending as well, thinking that "well, the money's there so why not spend it!" but not taking into account that there are uncleared checks, etc. I put an allotment of $160 a month into his ship account and confiscated the other account debit card and ATM card. He now has his own account to do what he wishes with the money.

As far as his being a jerk, maybe it's time the two of you sit down and had a talk about getting some alone time. Maybe one day a week where you take the keys to the car and have a few hours to yourself, and vice versa. It sounds like you're both stressed out and need some time away from the house. Good luck!
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  #4  
August 5th, 2004, 10:03 AM
Mega Super Mommy
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I'm going through the same thing with dh thinking a SAHM means I don't need sleep or time to myself and everything should be done and the house spotless. When I was pregnant he took all the naps!!!! I was really upset about that. I have yet to see him at 2 am, and no matter how many times I get up in the middle of the night I still have to get up by 6am with the other one. I have no idea why they think like that, I guess they think cause we stay home we don't work. Wouldn't it be nice if we could trade places for a week. He'd be begging to go back to work.
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  #5  
August 5th, 2004, 05:34 PM
tig2ger4lifemommy
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What I'm thinking of doing is along the lines of what you suggested! I'm going to open another account and it going to be the money we need, that way he can keep his card and I will get ONE card for the other account and keep it where only I would think it would be...he has to ask half the time where the check book is! Money is just not a strong point.

So I'll put his gas and spending money in there and he will just have to realize that eating out eats at your money.

He knows it messes with our credit score! And that is what makes me really upset, I'm in the midst of trying to clean it up and he keeps overspending!

Ok...sorry...I'm just tired of this ongoing battle, it has been going on since we got married!

Thanks for listening!!
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  #6  
August 5th, 2004, 06:11 PM
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HOW do you stay up till 3am??????? I haven't done that with any regularity for at least 15 years!!!!!
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  #7  
August 5th, 2004, 07:02 PM
tig2ger4lifemommy
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Quote:
Originally posted by Alice@Aug 5 2004, 08:11 PM
HOW do you stay up till 3am??????? I haven't done that with any regularity for at least 15 years!!!!!
Think the correct word for me would be insominiac! I can't sleep on many nights and if I do sleep I will have several nights where I can't and either am up til 3am or all night. Just the way I am....unusual!
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  #8  
August 8th, 2004, 03:55 AM
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Yeah you could maybe put a block on the ATM card. But then again you might need his signature to do it. I'd give him the ultimatum. You get the card or and list a consequence. Yeah he should help with the kids. Even if he works. It's no excuse to be a daddy. Even if he gives you an hour a day to take a shower or whatever. It's better than nothing. He also needs to take control of the anger before it gets really out of hand.
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  #9  
August 8th, 2004, 12:32 PM
OhClueless1
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Oh man... I can so relate Becky.

Some men need to get a grip on reality when it comes to money.

I won't even get myself started on the whole staying home with the kids thing. I may never stop complaining LMAO.
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  #10  
August 8th, 2004, 03:42 PM
Carol
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Dh was bad about putting us in the hole with the debit card as well. He would then blame ME when a check bounced. His theory was...hey, I took money out on Monday, your check bounced on Tuesday. That's YOUR fault. The dipwad didn't stop to realize (or admit) that I had written the checks prior to his withdrawal. So when it came time for him to go to Bosnia, we opened a second account. Not only for the abovementioned reasons, but because the logistics of 2 people working out of the same checking account 7K miles apart was not looking good. When we opened the new account, I kept all checks and debit cards from the old one. He took one debit card and 1 book of checks from the new one. I send him checkbooks as he needs them. His paycheck has an allotment of 200 per pay period put into the secondary, 2000 put into the primary, and the rest is put into a savings account. This gives him 400 dollars a month spending money. We both feel this is sufficient, and the way we have it arranged works perfectly. I don't worry about bounced checks in the main account, and he has nobody to blame if he bounces one in the secondary one.
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  #11  
August 9th, 2004, 05:42 PM
tig2ger4lifemommy
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Quote:
Originally posted by pinkpercolator@Aug 8 2004, 05:55 AM
Yeah you could maybe put a block on the ATM card. But then again you might need his signature to do it. I'd give him the ultimatum. You get the card or and list a consequence. Yeah he should help with the kids. Even if he works. It's no excuse to be a daddy. Even if he gives you an hour a day to take a shower or whatever. It's better than nothing. He also needs to take control of the anger before it gets really out of hand.
I know the anger needs to be taken care of. Big part of it was taken care of this weekend. But if he starts up again....its time for the sit down BIG TALK!

As for the ATM, I talked to him and said I think you need to be limited to just so much money avaliable to you by ATM. It hurt him, but he saw my point next ck, I plan to go with him to the bank and open the account.

Lastly, household....well, he is trying but with a refluxing BFing baby and a 16mth old that DOES NOT want Daddy, but Mommy, the poor guy feels like he is not able to help. DD Screams about it and DS cries and refluxes on him. BUT the other day I was proud of him...we had gone out, just him & me and DS(since he is so young) to eat and so we are at the resturant and he feed him a bottle so I could eat, even though he was all thumbs! And then to top it, I said that he really needed to start changing his son's diapers, something about changing his DS diapers upset him. He did our DD's no problem...go figure. When he say that it was going to be NOW or at his parent's house, he marched into the bathroom, like a man going to war! LOL He did change the diaper. He gets back and goes....what do you do to prevent him from maybe peeing on you! LOL I guess the whole time in there he was talking to him telling him he had better not pee on him(making a guy in there laugh and miss and then cuss because of the fact I think he hit his shoe or something like that!). That made me feel better and he got up and took care of DD this morning and also held DS while I was showering the other day, so I could take a LONG shower and enjoy it not rush, because DS & DD probably want me.

SLOW progress but isn't that how Rome was built?
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  #12  
August 10th, 2004, 05:01 PM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
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Posts: 14,873
Oh man, let me tell you I have been there and done that too with my DH!! He has ran us into a hole we will never get out of. We had to file bankruptcy last year because there was just so much along with a crap load of medical bills. I had to cancel credit cards, take away ATM cards and he is given an allowance. He refused to give up his card, so I had it deactivated completely!! It is insane feeling like you cant trust your DH because he is so implusive with $$!

Good luck and hang in there!!
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