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I am new to this board...so I'll start by introducing myself... I am Jess, I am 20 and have a beautiful 2 1/2 month old daughter named Layla. I am not married, but I am still with her father, Matt. We live in the Akron area of Ohio, but don't live together. Here's my problem.. I am not the person I used to be at all. I never was the girl to be self conscious at all. I never got jealous.. I was self assured. Now, every little thing bothers me. I feel HORRIBLE about my appearance. I weigh about 20 more lbs now. Matt says I look the same but I feel gross. I have stretch marks... only a few but still. I hate my appearance. I am so jealous. Matt works as loss prevention at a well known hardware store.. and I worry constantly that he'll find someone better. I accuse him, which just upsets him and we fight. I put myself down, which Matt gets upset over, because I blame him for not making me feel better about myself. Matt has ALWAYS joked about everything, like other girls.. and until now I laughed but now I get so hurt. Inside I don't feel like myself. It's too the point that Matt and I are constantly fighting, and I can't handle it. Some of it has to do with him being insensitive, but he isn't used to this. For the past 4 years he's known me, he's known someone else. I never have suicidal thoughts, or thoughts that I wanna harm Layla, it's all internal about me. Could it be postpartum depression? What can I do?!
Could be PPD hun. I have the SAME issues without thoughts of sadness or wanting to hurt anyone, BUT i am easily flared up about the simplest of things, i take it out on DH and i feel bad about me also. I am about 20 pounds more as well 145 now and i feel like i am an ugly looser. Searched the net for info and saw that PPD can and WILL take different forms for anyone. Not always the same or sadness as expected. I'd say seek help and talk about your feelings. I did that with DH, also i 'try' not to eat sweets and drink caffeine (which add to the depression) and i exercise a lot again. I am also searching for a good doc to talk to about it.
I wish patience to both of us......PM me anytime....
" \m/ Now I’m riding through the air
going to where no one dares
on the way I’ll cross the line forevermore \m/ "
Thank you ladies, I am going to the doctor this coming monday. I hope all this gets straightened out! I am doing a little better. I try to just relax, but most of the time it doesn't work. How can I love her so much, but hate me?
Just an update... I did go to the doctor and I do have PPD... biggg surprise. They put me on Zoloft and it is helping so much. I feel so much more relaxed and no fights! The only downside is I can't cry... at all. Oh well.. I will just have to get better at faking it.