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  #1  
February 13th, 2009, 11:12 AM
mummy2angel&ray's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: calgary alberta canada
Posts: 1,905
I've been having issues with my OH for a while now but I am just at my end point. I'll try and break down the situation for you shortly.
He has two other daughters 11, and 8. They started living with us every other week a year ago. The decision was made without my consent or feelings taken into consideration. So now I watch 3 girls and clean up after 5 people (including myself) in this house. It's been tough for me to adjust.
We are moving to the other side of the city from where they go to school. So I thought we might put off weekly visits and save them for the summer time because thats a 40 minute drive to get them to school. Also I don't feel like they are living in a stable environment being shuffles around like this. I can see they are unhappy. I tried to talk to him about it last night and he got pissed off so I ended up sleeping on the couch.
I would be more ok with keeping them every other week though if he actually spent time with them and was a proper dad to them. When he comes home from work he goes on the computer immediately and when he's done on there he watched tv or plays x-box and sends the girls off to bed. He spends no time with them. He doesn't go out with them. He doesn't tuck them in at night or tell them that he loves them. He says he likes having them around yet he doesn't even pay attention to them when they're here.
They are sad. So I told them to write him a letter and tell him how they feel. If I talk to him about it i'm just nagging. So I'm hoping that hearing it from them will have a better effect and he'll open his eyes. When I asked Kira who's 8 if he spent enough time with her she said right away that no he doesn't he's on the computer or tv so much. He never plays with me.

We have no relationship. We are merely two people living in the same house and sleeping in the same bed. The last time we had sex was when I conceived my 2nd child (now feeling sad about it because of my situation). He doesn't passionately kiss me or "want" me like he used to.
His family is slipping away from him and he refuses to take notice. If he does not make any effort to change things and work on his relationships than I will leave him. We are supposed to get married July.2010 but at this rate it's not going to happen. I cannot keep living a lie. I am so unhappy. He's a totally different person than when I met him. All he does is stress about work and bills and although I constantly tell him it will be OK and to relax he doesn't listen and gets caught up in it. I just can't talk to him about it because he doesn't listen.
He tells me to remind him of things. So what I have to remind my own fiance to kiss me and love me?? My heart is empty. Working and paying bills does not fill my needs. Nor does just telling me he loves me. Just telling me that does,does not make me beleive that he really does.
I am just so tired of being the only one who tries... I don't know how much more I can take

Sorry for the long rant you all deserve a medal if you read this..
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  #2  
February 14th, 2009, 12:17 PM
IAmMomMomIAm
Guest
Posts: n/a
I read it.

I have no idea what to say to it... but I read it.



Actually... I *do* have something to say. You need to do what makes YOU happy, and what's best for your children. I can't tell you what that is necessarily - you have to decide for yourself. Just thought I'd state the obvious for ya.
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  #3  
February 14th, 2009, 04:14 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,459
I read it. I've BTDT for some of the same things. I don't know if you've seen, but we have a blended families board on JM. I'm a part of that board. I have a few pieces of advice.

1. Go out and buy or get from your library the book "Five Languages of Love". Take the quiz in the back and maybe get your fiance to take it. Then read the book. It is excellent. My DH refused to read it but I told him about it anyway. SInce then he makes small efforts to show me he loves me in the way I need it.

2.Visit the blended families board. Chantelle, Becca, and the ladies are great. I would recommend that you sit down with DH and tell him you are no longer taking responsibility for taking care of his girls. If he wants them there, he steps up. Be there as a friend to them and love them, but leave homework, dinner, bed, entertaining to him. He needs to know that he needs to be the parent. These children are HIS and HIS alone. I just did this with my DH. I was tired of being the only parent when I am not a bio-parent. SO I stopped taking DSD for visits when DH is on the road. I have stopped talking to DH about whether he is calling her. I don't talk about DSD at all with DH. She is behind on her shots again, her lazy eye is not going to be fixed now, her glasses keep getting broken or lost at her mom's house. NOT my problem. You can stress yourself out and spread yourself thin or you can teach the parents to parent by themselves.

3. Sit down and breath. It looks like your pretty busy and pg again. You need to find time to sit out and relax. Give DH 10 minutes after he gets home from work and then hand off your toddler to him and walk away. Tell him you will be ALONE in your room decompressing and he needs to get dinner/play/etc.

4. Visit JM as often as you like. PM me anytime you like. Hang in there. ****HUGS****
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