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My boyfriend has a "boyfriend"


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  #1  
February 13th, 2009, 02:26 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: MA
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*Sigh*

I am so frustrated and cant deal with anything anymore and need to get it out. So here it goes...

My boyfriend and I are both 21 (he turns 22 next week) and I am currently 13 weeks preggo. We have been together for 3.5 years without any breaks. Our relationship has been up and down, but generally Ive been pretty happy with him. Here is the issue, my boyfriend has a best friend, who is more like a boyfriend. Its like THEY are in a relationship and I dont exist anymore. They do EVERYTHING together, and its like they cant go a single day without eachother. Every time we get into a fight, guess who he calls. Every time I dont feel like going anywhere, and just want to stay home and watch a movie, guess who he would rather be with. He is ALWAYS choosing his boyfriend over me, and I am sick and tired of it. It has gotten WAAAAY worse since Ive been pregnant. Its like he cant stand to be around me and would rather be with him. We never go out together anymore because he would rather be with his friend. He comes back at 4am! Maybe if I actually liked his friend I would be more OK with it, but his friend is constantly encouraging my boyfriend to cheat on me, drink, be a stupid idiot and completley disregard my feelings.

Well, this past week I have been in the ER twice, and it just so happens that his boyfriend is in the hospital too, and WHO does he chose to go see....guess!!! NOT ME!!!! All I get is a freaking text message!!!! I really need him right now, and I feel like I should be a priority in his life because Im pregnant with HIS baby, but noooo.

Anytime I try to talk to him about it (calmly and nicely) he says that Im jealous, insecure and selfish.

Im really sick and tired of all of this, and if I wasnt preggo I would just walk away, but I feel like I cant. I feel so helpless and stuck.

Ahhh I feel better now that I got that out. Any advice?
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  #2  
February 13th, 2009, 09:10 PM
mummy2angel&ray's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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wow that sounds a bit suspicious...
Could your boyfriend be Gay??
If you are trying to talk to him about it and tell him how you feel and he's choosing to make accussations that you are jealous and wont listen than maybe you need to take a break away from him. It is totally unfair for him to be spending so much time with his friend. But if he's feeling insecure and uneasy about your relationship than that could be his way of dealing with it and not being around you.
Before me and my ex of almost 3 years broke up we were having problems and he would spend more time with his best friend than me.
Maybe you need to try and talk to him and see how he's feeling about your relationship. He could be hiding something and just can't open up to you. If he has no quarrels with the relationship and continues with his ways maybe it would be best for you to live with a friend or family member until you resolve things. It's not fair to string someone along like that. I hope you clear things up soon
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  #3  
February 14th, 2009, 08:55 PM
CherryFrog1926's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Wow total flash back for me. My xdf was the EXACT same way! his buddy was constantly encouraging him to cheat and lie ugh! he did end up cheating while i was pregnancy and i had no idea until later when i busted him and it was BAD! Even when he was home on a week leave from deployment training i saw him for maybe 4 hours. i picked him up from the airport and Joey his "boyfriend" picked him up 3 hourss later and that is who he was wiht the rest of the time. he saw our son 3 or 4 times during that week..yup grrrrrrrrrr i knwo exactly how you feel. i hate to say it this way hun but just cause your pregnant doesnt mean you have to put up with it.. This is when he should be supporting you the most not leaving and turning things on u and ya. if you need to talk pm me. i went through it for almost 3 years. hugs sweeite
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  #4  
February 15th, 2009, 10:39 PM
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I think you should consider leaving. Just being pregnant with his baby doesn't mean you are stuck with him. It will make things a little sticky, but you can work out custody even before the baby is born.

If he's serious about you, maybe that will be the wake up call he needs, if not, then you'll know, instead of sitting around feeling stuck. I can't believe that he would choose to visit someone else (ANYONE ELSE) while the mother of his child was in the hospital. Unbelievable.

I hope things go well with your pregnancy, whatever you do.
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  #5  
February 17th, 2009, 08:50 AM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
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(((HUGS))) I am sorry he is treating you this way, especially when you were in the hospital!!! That was just totally low of him to do!!!! Have you tried to write him a letter/email telling him how you feel. If he doesn't want to listen to you, then I dont think things will ever get better. He needs to get his priorities/life style figured out and decide what is important and whats not. KUP!!
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  #6  
February 19th, 2009, 10:25 AM
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Thanks ladies,

I have tried talking to him about it, but it always turns into a HUGE fight about how Im insecure and jealous and blah blah blah. It usually ends with him threatening to leave (and of course he calls his friend) and me beggining and crying for him to just stay.

Well anyways, yesterday I got wonderful news about the baby, I was sooo excited and happy and I called him to tell him about it, and he couldnt have acted any more un-interested. He was around all of his friends, and said he would call me back and he never did. Its like, when we are physically together he is extremely excited and everything is wonderful, but the second he is gone I dont matter, the baby doesnt matter, nothing.

I called him again this morning and no answer, no call back, so Im pretty much done. He does however, call back and text constantly with his girls on the side, just not me. At this point I feel like I need to protect myself and my baby from being hurt by him. Hopefully it will just be a wake up call for him and He'll decide he wants to be with us, but if not, thats OK too.

Its just hurtful that he would do this to me at a time when I really, really need him. He makes it like IM the crazy one for wanting the relationship to be a certain way, but thats not true!!!!

Im just praying I can be strong enough to stand up to him.
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  #7  
February 19th, 2009, 11:32 AM
CherryFrog1926's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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good luck sweetie! if you need to talk i'm here. i know its hard to leave in general but when your pregnant it's even harder. but your right you need to protect urself and the little one inside of you. xxxhugsxxx
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  #8  
February 19th, 2009, 02:39 PM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
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(((HUGS))) I am sorry to hear that he still is acting that way to you. That is not fair!!! I hope you have the strength to tell him that he needs to choose between his friends and his family. At least you are realizing this now and can prepare yourself.
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  #9  
February 20th, 2009, 12:48 AM
Ellemphriem's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Why CAN'T you go away? Just being pregnant will be enough to make a life with him? That could be like that? Think about it? I mean really.........
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  #10  
February 23rd, 2009, 12:04 PM
ShannanNKeith11808
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my hubby has a guy who is trying to be like that with him. this guy is a co worker and texts my hubby while they are at work, on the way to work, after work, on the weekend, etc! it's pretty crazy! he has a girlfriend but they just moved here from another state and i am hoping it passes becuz i am sick of the bromance and the buzz of the phone going off!
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  #11  
March 1st, 2009, 09:56 AM
Mom4Life_11's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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My EX was the same as well. I went through this for 5 years until I met my DF and I'm glad your trying to move on. How are you holding up? Good luck!
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  #12  
April 10th, 2009, 03:45 PM
bigplantnerd
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I think your boyfriend is either gay or bi. You have to chose what you want out of this relationship. If you're cool with sharing than coontinue, if not (and it sounds like you're not) then it's time to part ways.
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  #13  
April 19th, 2009, 04:17 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2009
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Get some marriage counseling. Some times it is free through a church, even it you have to join one. He must attend the counseling sessions, and do it with a good attitude. If he will not do that, then you have you final answer. But I think you have your answer anyway. It is not just that he likes the BF more than you, he seems callous and a little cruel. You're in a tough situation, but it can get worse if you do not face it asap.
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