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I think I want a divorce


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  #1  
February 3rd, 2006, 05:05 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 47
I wonder if I really feel this way or if it is just the hormones talking. My husband and I have been married for 6 years and have 2 children and another on the way. The problem is we both work full time jobs yet my husband feels this is his only responsiblitly. He does not want to do anything to help around the house or with the kids. He doesn't even keep the cars clean. My car is so dirty that I hate to park next to someone. It is embarrassing. His job is not labor intensive or tiring so I don't understand it. He comes home from work and expects dinner, if the kids have problems I have to handle them, I am responsible for doing the homework everynight and I clean the house. When I do ask him to help my 6 year old with his homework he has him do it alone and doesn't even check over it. I can look at the homework and see tons of mistakes. If I am going to have to go behind him then I might as well do it in the first place. I feel like we are just room mates. I do not want him to touch me because I resent him for not caring enough about me to help out. We average to have sex about once a month and that is only because I do have a need once and while. I feel like if I have to do everything then I don't need to be married. If he truly loved me he would see how much stress I am under and help out. It just seems that he enjoys having a live in maid and babysitter. I am at the end of my rope and don't know which way to turn. The other day I just want to run away but figure I wouldn't get far because my car was in the shop. I even have to handling things like chosing mechanics. I wonder will he ever come around or am I just wasting my time.
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  #2  
February 5th, 2006, 02:26 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 5,429
Hmmm. First of all, I'm sorry you are having so much trouble! I have similar problems in my marriage, but it is slowly getting better. I suggest you talk to him and tell him that you're serious about it and that he needs to change. Maybe suggest to him that you're not sure the marriage is even working. It seems like if anything will whip him into shape it would be the thought of losing you.

I remember being utterly frustrated when I was pregnant, and thinking about divorce, but I just gave it a few days, and the thought would go away.

You REALLY need to talk to him. Does he know you feel this way? Maybe he doesn't even realize that he is acting this way. I agree you definately need help and he isn't giving it. But talk to him.

I am one of those ppl who believe that you should stay in a marriage no matter what(unless you are physically abused, cheated on, etc). You could try marriage counseling or something. It seems like once you get divorced the first time, you just start a neverending cycle of it, because you are never going to find someone who is perfect, and you will always want to find something better.

I suggest you talk to him and give it a little time. See if you feelings go back and forth. If you continue to think DIVORCE DIVORCE DIVORCE maybe that is what you need to do.

If he really loves you, he will change for you, at the thought of losing you. Hope things get better for you!
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  #3  
February 6th, 2006, 01:40 AM
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 5,597
I am sorry that you are going through this. I was in the same boat for quite awhile, but I made the mistake of actually going out and cheating on my DH just to feel better. I love my DH, and he is now trying to change while forgiving me at the same time. It made me realize how great my DH really is. He just didn't see the harm he was bringing to our relationship until we hit a deep rut. Now we are both changing and healing at the same time, and we are feeling just as close as we did when we first married. It's like a new beginning.

I recommend trying to talk to him and just tell him that like tomorrow night you are going out to dinner and a movie all by yourself, and he needs to give you that one day. Give him a short list of the necessities that need to be done in the evening like help with homework, dinner, etc. (I recommend having something simple like a frozen pizza all out for dinner. He can handle that. LOL!) He will then see how much you do in the evenings. Maybe it'll help him to understand what you need from him.

Good luck! I hope that this helps. If you need to talk I'm here. Just know that I know exactly how you feel, and it really is the hardest thing to deal with.
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  #4  
February 6th, 2006, 11:29 AM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 14,873
I have to agree with these other ladies. You REALLY need to talk with him and get everything out in the open. If you feel like you can not talk to him without yelling or whatever, then write him a letter, send him an email something. If he does not see just how serious things are, then he isnt going to change anything until he wants to, but if he truely loves you and is commited to you and this baby that will be coming, then he will change. If he chooses not to change after you have tried everything, then by all means you have the right to move and be happy for yourself and your child.
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  #5  
February 9th, 2006, 01:49 PM
~Katie~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Posts: 15,110
I think we all feel like that at some point in our marriage. I am pregnant and I felt like that the other week. I don't work so I can't imagine going to work and coming home and having to take care of the kids plus the husband. But, with what you are saying, I think there is someway to work it out. My step-dad just left my mom, they were married for awhile. He left because they were arguing alot, they did not go and see a counselar or anything. I think that was stupid if he was beating her or vice versa or someone was cheating I could understand.

Me and my hubby went through a really rough 1st year of marriage. I almost walked away from it all. I just started praying and talking to one of my really close friends and talked to him and we worked through it and it is been good since.

Huggs to you!!!
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  #6  
February 13th, 2006, 12:53 PM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
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I was just checking to see how you are doing.
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  #7  
February 18th, 2006, 07:24 AM
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Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 47
Thank you ladies for replying. We have began to talk, but I still don't think that he realizes how much work is left for me to do. My job schedule is flexible so he assumes that I can stay home and do whatever whenever. However he still expects me to bring home a full paycheck. Well if I am home cooking and cleaning then I am not working. I am trying to check into some counseling. He just changed jobs and I am not sure if the new insurance will cover it. Has anyone heard of insurance covering marriage counseling? I am still willing to work on it, but I am not sure if he is. As you can see communication is not the best thing about our marriage so all i can do is trying and interpret his actions.

Pink
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  #8  
February 18th, 2006, 11:16 AM
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: VA
Posts: 3,621
Quote:
Thank you ladies for replying. We have began to talk, but I still don't think that he realizes how much work is left for me to do. My job schedule is flexible so he assumes that I can stay home and do whatever whenever. However he still expects me to bring home a full paycheck. Well if I am home cooking and cleaning then I am not working. I am trying to check into some counseling. He just changed jobs and I am not sure if the new insurance will cover it. Has anyone heard of insurance covering marriage counseling? I am still willing to work on it, but I am not sure if he is. As you can see communication is not the best thing about our marriage so all i can do is trying and interpret his actions.

Pink[/b]

I'm sorry that you are struggling with this. This is something that is so difficult. Marraige counseling is not covered by all insurances, in fact I don't know if it is covered by any. You may want to look into any community mental health oganizations in your area and they may have some resources for you. Also, I would consider going to see a therapist on your own and perhaps your husband too. They may help you open up your eyes to other issues going on and also help to give you ways to manage the situation in ways you didn't think of before. These are just thoughts that I have, but you should try to do whatever it takes to improve your marraige. My DH and I went through a rough spot a few months ago, not very similar to your issue, but still a marital problem. He started to see a counselor on his own and the changes that have come about are unbelievable. We feel closer to eachother now than we ever have. I can't even begin to see our bonds breaking again. I'm sure there will be rough patches....there always are, but we have made a connection that wouldn't have been made without him having his eyes opened through counseling.

I hope that I have been at least a little bit of help. Good luck in working through your struggle and coming out stronger than ever!
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  #9  
February 22nd, 2006, 02:22 PM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 14,873
You will have to check with your insurance co and see if they cover it some does, our does. If it doesnt another place to check is some of the local churches and see if they offer any marriage help. The church that I attend does have free counseling.
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  #10  
February 24th, 2006, 11:46 AM
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Houston
Posts: 411
Just get the phone book out and call different offices and see who uses a sliding scale. I am betting you could get a large knock down in price. Alot of therapists try to make their services affordable to all.

Carrie
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  #11  
March 11th, 2006, 04:59 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Australia
Posts: 740
I have one baby (8months), and have just started back at work 3 days a week. I said to my dh last week, i would like him to start cooking one night a week as i am up through the night to our baby and then up early for work, come home and after looking after the baby and putting him to sleep, then cook and make lunches for the next day. so i am only working 3 days a week but expect, and have the support of my dh to start helping with washing clothes etc again. i did take over the bulk of things when i had the baby because i felt that i wasn't bringing in a wage and so i should, but boy is it a lot of work! my big problem is i often don't ask for help, whereas dh says all i need to do is ask, so now i am asking! he always used to wash up and i cooked each night which was never a problem, but i took over washing up while i was on maternity leave. now we will start back up that he will wash up, cook dinner one night and just generally help out more. and this is me working just 3 days a week, one child and at the end of that i feel exhausted!!! so perhaps if you and your dh have started to talk, you can start to ask him to do specific things to help, and hopefully he will realise just how much you do. It is a partnership and he needs to realise that you are doing a helluva lot to keep things going. my dh tried to vaccuum one day whilst looking after a crying baby. i was cleaning other parts of the house and normally i would have picked the baby up but i was in cleaning mode in a bathroom and so i thought no, i'll leave him as that is my normal week - trying to clean with a crying baby!!! so i just kept cleaning and you know what, my dh said later, i totally understand why you don't get much cleaning done during the week. our baby didn't used to sleep all that much during the day (is getting better now) - and my dh said he could not believe how long it took him to vaccuum just the lounge room, whilst trying to keep a baby occupied!! regardless of any other relationship issues you have, if he could just understand the amount of work you do - at work and in the home!!!!! hats off to you for doing it all - i absolutely wouldn't and expect my dh to help out..! maybe i am just lazy but i certainly don't feel lazy, just exhausted! good luck with it all.
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