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I don't know where to start.. this is a constent thing i have to deal with...
My hubby's ex girlfriend & mother of his kid. is a pill addict & goes on these random binges & sometimes disappears for weeks.. goes to rehab & does fine for a couple weeks then bam here we go again.. My hubby is a good dad & between him & his father get the kid 99.9 % of the time...
Last sunday we were at his parents ( she just like last week got her mothers car back..) We are supposed to drop her off at 6. she calls at 4:30 saying she has a "surprise" dr's appt. & can't get the child to preschool.. So we assume she is binging again so the child is here....
Now don't get me wrong i don't mind getting her up & ready for school in the morning.. his father works night's sleeps for 1 1/2 yrs drives here to pick her up goes home & sleeps till 11 then gets back up to drive here again to pick her up from school.. this has been going on all yr.. & when hubby isn't working he will bring her & stay there then bring her here or to her mothers////
Now back to Sunday she calls he tells her fine we will keep her.. ( he's far away from the truck but i could hear him..then gets on the phone with this "woman's " daughter & starts telling Her what's going on & that he's taking here back to court & shay's that's why we are no longer together BLA BLA... we drive home, & says he's stoppng to rite aid to get beer & i told him to stop at the house first i need to take back the movie i'd been saving ( now late fees) for us to watch together & being it's a horror flic & he needs to get up at 4 am to goto work,,, we won't be able to watch it...( now ofcorse b/c i didn't just roll over & acept emedotly what's going on & upset that now once again our plans are messed up b/c of this "woman" ) he starts in with " i don't know what the F** is your problem thing...
So he PULLS into rite aid & gets out,, Fine... whatever.. ( now sat the day before he gets out his camero & puts MY car where i can't get to it & had went to wally world where i had to sit down 2x's cause he takes his time & i'm not supposed to be on my feet to long & my back & legs are hurting)
Tell my daughter to go get the movie... ( we are at my apt now standing in front of the door everyone is out of the car) he has his daughter in his arms which she 5 she should have been walking... asked if i was coming in.. i say NO I have to take back the movie.. he said so your walking.( it's only 2 blocks down ) i said yes so he says your gonna hurt your self & i guess you don't give a F** about our child...... UGGHTTTTT *** if you were gonna drive us down we would still be in the car & i just told you 2 minutes ago i had to bring it back!!!!! So right before this is when he asked if i could watch his kid the next morning... ( it's been OVER 1/2 hr since the phone rang)!!!!
So last night he worked till almost nine. ( the only thing he told me was she was coming back here ) & i figured since his kid was at his fathers & he was bringing her to school she would stay there NOOOO he brings her hear & informs me his father will pick her up in the am...... he get's home last night i get a kiss & that's it.. we sat on the couch for 1/2 hr went to bed... he left at 5am this am.. his father comes & informs me that he might be dropping her off here.... I STILL HAVE YET to hear from my hubby....to explain what's going on
Idk but being the WIFE i think i should be atleast the 2nd person to know whats going on & not the last!!!!!!
Oh & while he was on the phone with this "womans " daughter he's all calling her hun & hunny... When he barly barly talks to my daughter... They were together only 2 yrs then apart for 2 1/2 before i found him again & we've been together since 9 nov 07
I'm so mad i could spit staples!!!!!
I get sware at & my daughter barly gets spoken to but yet she get';ssss called hunny!!!!
Sounds like there is a lot going on with you guys!!! YOU should know what is going on for sure!! Wonder why he is trying to hide everything from you? I think you need to sit him down and have a LONG talk about everything. Good Luck!!!
I'm sorry for the rant... I was just so mad....Thank you Jenn for your advice...we got a chance to finally talk yesterday.. I voiced some of it over the phone when he finally did call..... Then after work he had to bring a tractor traller truck back & i had to follow..
ON my land... he is so flippin hard headed!!!! ( sometimes ) i know he has a lot on his plate right now
1) i'm not working b/c i'm on off my feet rest/pelvic rest and have been since 13 mar ( 24 weeks prego )
2) This woman i sware i wish we could leave state....
3) i feel he just goes about the way he handle's her all wrong... When he feels she's messed up again he just takes the child till she strenghtens up.. then she demands the child back... & he won't fill out the paper work to take her back to court...
We all know she is having people pee in a cup for her when she get's drug tested... & so he wants her to do it right in court with someone watching... but you have to fill out the paper's first...
4) we both want out of this apt.. & into our house but we are still waiting for the bank bla bla...
BUT anyway.. i did tell him to salve alot of problems he really needs to stop swareing at me & ask politely what's wrong....I told him how upset i was for him to talk to someone else about our problems before me... IDK he was pissed because i got quiet & looked out the window .. he concidered that as treating him like sh** i said how is that.. I would reather go quiet & think about my words before i say them & make sure that what i'm upset about is right... or wrong.. & see if i can figure it out in my head before just going off.. then be stuck in a rock & a hard place...
Sometimes it just seams i can't do anything right,, if i'm quiet i'm wrong.. if i speak up i'm wrong... But all in all it went ok i guess... all night last night he never moved and had his hand on my side at all times...We'll be ok......
I think b/c i'm prego & having a bit of a ruff pregnacy he doesn't want me to get upset.. but i told him i get MORE UPSET when you hide things....
sorry just lurking but seems to me some of the issues is you refer to his daughter as "his kid" and are mad because he calls his daughter honey and such and doesnt speak to yours alot. Do you call his daughter honey and sweetie or do you treat her the way he treats your daughter as you say. Get what im saying....when you two came together, their shouldnt have been anymore your daughter, my daughter thing. they should be "our daughters". Seems like you resent her a little because her mother is ridiculous and he treats her differenly then than "your" as you put it, daughter. Its hard being a step parent, as you know, and i understand completely wanting him to love your daughter as his own. Im just thinking tho maybe he feels like you resent or dont care as much about his daughter either and its causing him to pull away and be frustrated sometimes.
Now dealing with a crazy stupid woman doesnt help the situation, but really he shouldnt have to ask you to watch his daughter, if her mom is stupid, its not her fault and it sounds like everyone is just trying to do whats best for the little girl and that should include you. I do agree that he should be telling you whats going on, and he should be telling you first. He should have gotten off the phone and said ok heres whats going on....but i dont think he should have to say "will you watch her." She is part of your family too. Is it common courtesy to say "hey do you mind?" yes it is, but should he have to say will you watch my daughter? no its part of being a stepmom and role you took on when you married him.
maybe you could talk to him and let him know hey im happy to take care of DSD, but when things are going on, it would be easier if you let me know while they are going on not after. Keep the lines of communication open. Tell him how you are feeling. Let him tell you.
If that doesnt work, maybe try being more open and treating his daughter like your own and not thinking of her as "his kid". He may see the change and start changing himself. Good luck and all of this is just my opinion, so if im waaaayy off base or have offended you i didnt mean to. Just sounded like a similar situation i knew of and when they came together as one, it got alot better.
oh yeah and one more thing...im sooo glad you asked/told him he needs to stop swearing at you!!! Good Job!! This is not ok and i know how horrible it can make a person feel. Plus hes not setting a good example for the younger ones.
Last edited by sunshine411; May 15th, 2009 at 07:03 AM.
Reason: to give you kudos i forgot to say the first time