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  #1  
February 22nd, 2006, 05:02 PM
sweet.hun's Avatar We're Complete <3
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*Forewarning...this is LONG*

Yesterday, I was sooooo pissed off at the BF. Some of you ladies may be aware that I'm living with my BF. He payed 2, 200 some odd dollars to get me out of my apartment in December so that I could be with him. So, yesterday he came in from working (he works graveyards) and noticed it was warmer than usual in the house. So he comes in, flips on the light (which wakes me up) and says "Did you turn the thermostat up?" and groggily I say "Yes! It was fricking cold in here early and my nose started to run so I turned it up a little." He then says "Well, don't #%*$ touch it anymore. You don't pay the bills around here." I just thought to myself "I can't believe he just pulled that on me!" I mean, WHAT THE HELL?! If he wants me to pay for the electric, he should tell me how much I owe him!!!

So, I went to work that morning and came home and he was still sleeping which I can see, but by 6pm that night he was STILL asleep so I went to check up on him to make sure he was ok and that he wasn't getting sick. I felt his head and he was really hot so I woke him up and he got all pissy with me and was like "What do you want?" and I just looked at him and was like "I just woke you up to see if your ok, because your really hot." Then, the heater turned on and he goes "Did you turn up the thermostat again?!" and I was like "I haven't touched the ###### thing all day!". Then he pulls the "Good, cause you don't pay the bills so don't touch it." and I moved away from him and was like "Oookay whatever..." and walked away and he said "You need a reality check." So, he went back to sleep and I took a shower and cried my little heart out. He wakes up about an hour later and didn't say a word to me, then finally goes "What do you want to eat?" So I just looked at him and told him that I would make my own food. So he left, without saying goodbye, and didn't come back for like two hours.

When he got home, he didn't say anything to me, again. He ended up falling asleep with the tv on really loud so when it was time for me to go to bed, I went to go turn it down so I could sleep. He ended up yelling at me some more, telling me that I don't own anything in the house besides what I have in the spare room and that he can do whatever the hell he wants, and blah blah blah. So by now I'm FURIOUS with him and go to bed. He comes in at like...oh...1 or 2 am and THEN tries to cuddle with me. So I wake up because of it and I say "Don't touch me" and he's like "Why not?" and I proceed to tell him that if he wants to be an ##### and pull the "I don't pay #####" card then I'll just move back in with my Mom. So, we go to sleep and he slept EXTREMELY close to me that night, and ended up kneeing me in the back three times and hitting me in the head with his elbow. I ended up giving him some of his own medicine and elbowed him in the back really hard so he would wake up. Now, this was at 10am. He says right off the bat to me "If your going to be moving in with your mom this morning, I suggest you start now because I want all of your ##### out by the time I go to work tonight, otherwise, I'll do some f'ed up stuff to you." I just look at him and get out of bed and start getting my stuff ready. About 10 minutes later he comes in the spare room and asks me what I'm doing and I say "I'm getting my stuff and I'm leaving" so he starts getting all pissed off and starts going off on me about how if I'm going to leave I better pay him back the $1,800 that I still owe him and if I don't he'll take me to court and if that doesn't work he'll end up blowing up my car or whatever. I just look at him and I'm like "First of all, you'll have a restraining order against you, you wont win in court because I never signed any kind of contract, and third...I need a new car, so go ahead and blow it up."

After the lovely words, I start packing up more and I go out into the garage to get some things and he SHUTS THE DOOR AND LOCKS ME OUT. Now, I have some heavy stuff outside in the garage, so I pick up my bowling ball and threaten to launch it through the door if he doesnt open it. He does, and I go in, put the keys in my pocket as well as my cellphone, and start getting my things again. He then starts pulling the "Why are you leaving, I love you" crap and asks me to sit down with him on the couch so we can work through it. So I agree and we sit down and he's all "When I asked you to move in with me, I thought we were at an agreement that you would pay me back and clean and stuff, and you hardly clean." So I go off on him about how I do clean and he doesnt say thankyou to me at all and just completely ignores me. I then tell him that if he wants me to pay for things because I'm using them, that he needs to tell me HOW MUCH it is and I'll give him the money for it and that he shouldn't pull the "I don't pay any of the bills" crap on me because he can fix that really fast. 10 minutes later, I'm sobbing and he's saying he's sorry and I end up staying.

I gotta tell you guys, I still feel uneasy. I mean, he took me out to brunch today, but the minute he starts pulling this ##### again, I'm gone. I told him that I needed to feel like I was wanted, because it felt like he doesnt even care about me. I hate being in relationships like this, but for the most part he is a great guy, but for some reason after the MC he got all pissy with EVERYONE and doesn't care about anyone but himself. It's like he's taking his anger out on the wrong things, and people. I just wish he would be the BF that I had four weeks ago.
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  #2  
February 23rd, 2006, 08:00 AM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
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I think if it were me in that situation, I probably would have went ahead and left. Especially how he has been treating you since the MC. He needs to deal with his emotions rather than taking it out on you. If you can not get him to sit down and talk to you about what is really going on and how is feeling, I suggest that you get into some counseling or something before he snaps. I hope he gets his emotions in check and treats you the way you deserve to be treated.
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  #3  
February 23rd, 2006, 02:22 PM
MommytoZoeAlyssa's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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God men suck sometimes.. You should have kicked him in the balls. There is no reason for him to freaking talk to you like that. My ex husband talked to me like that and called me a ###### and beat the hell outa me no excuse for it.. YOU shouldnt put up with it. You deserve better. Its good you all talked but if he dont start treating you better id leave. Hopefully since you talked to him things will get better.. *hugs*.. If you ever need to talk or vent feel free to pm me..
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  #4  
February 23rd, 2006, 11:52 PM
AKMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Im not saying its okay what hes doing, but my hubby delt with my 3 MC a lot like your BF. My hubby didnt know how to deal with his emotions and his anger about losing our babies. He felt helpless, and hurt that he could do nothing to help me keep our babies. Maybe see if you can get him to talk about your MC with you. Good luck! Sometime its just as hard on our hubbies too.
Karri
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  #5  
February 24th, 2006, 07:51 AM
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You deserve so much better. Yeah, maybe he is upset about the MC (sorry btw, we have had a few ourselfs), but it is NO way to treat you. If that is the way he deals with stress, life is full of stress and he will continue this. Thats what I think anyways.

Carrie
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  #6  
February 24th, 2006, 09:23 AM
~Katie~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Hello hun... if I were you I would have left, you have nothing connecting you to him. I was in a relationship like that before my dh and it is all about CONTROL! He is using things against you and that is not what a relationship is about. I have 2 older kids that are not my dh and he never says anything about money or I owe him anything.

This guy sounds nutty, I have been there done that. I finally left. When my oldest dd was 2 and getting potty trained she had an accident on his basement floor which had been carpeted and completely went off on me if front of people and saying she was ruining things and I was going to pay to have it cleaned, but when we had gotten together he said things are things and can be replaced.... guys change after they get what they want sometimes.

I would not even wait for it to happen again, if it is an option for you to go to your moms, go and be like well we can have a dating relationship since money is such an issue for you.

I am sorry and I know how hard it is, just try to be strong and don't let him talk you into things, cause if he acts like this now, I can't even imagine what he could turn into.
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  #7  
February 24th, 2006, 11:58 AM
**Audrey**'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Get out while you still can. Seriously.
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  #8  
February 25th, 2006, 01:07 AM
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Quote:
Get out while you still can. Seriously.[/b]
If you think that little outbreak was bad, trust me when I say it can and by the sounds of it WILL get steadily worse untill he has taken away your individuality, pride, everything about you that IS you. I'm sorry but I think you've got yourself a nutter, by saying he'll blow up your car, he has practically said that he will kill you. He wants to own you, control you, he wants you to be his lap dog, and do you really want to live in fear of turning up the heat when it's cold? Get rid and move back to your mom's house, but do it while he's at work, I wouldn't want anything to happen to you so you can't do it while he's there trust me on that one. Good luck

Jay xx
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  #9  
February 28th, 2006, 10:40 PM
sweet.hun's Avatar We're Complete <3
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So...I talked with Jerry some more. I told him that I really wanted to go to counseling with him. He admitted that he had some anger issues he needs to work on, so we're setting up an appointment. Hopefully we can get in soon. I basically told him that he needed to choose whether or not he wanted to work on our relationship or if he just wanted me to leave. Thankfully, he chose the counseling and hopefully things will get better. I hope. <3
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  #10  
March 3rd, 2006, 08:11 AM
proudmom3's Avatar Wait for it....
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Quote:
So...I talked with Jerry some more. I told him that I really wanted to go to counseling with him. He admitted that he had some anger issues he needs to work on, so we're setting up an appointment. Hopefully we can get in soon. I basically told him that he needed to choose whether or not he wanted to work on our relationship or if he just wanted me to leave. Thankfully, he chose the counseling and hopefully things will get better. I hope. <3[/b]
hun it does take alot for a man to admit he has an issue..so maybe you are on a good path....i wish you best of luck, but girl leave if he gets worse, there is no need for you to stick around and get hurt like that. you so deserve better...
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  #11  
March 6th, 2006, 09:43 PM
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For sure, I hope it helps. But seriously, that sounds like a very very very bad situation and if he gets even the tiniest bit out of line again you should leave. Immediately. I'm sorry if he has issues but there's no reason for you to suffer for them when there are perfectly healthy, kind loving men out there. The way he spoke, the way he acted, is total crap and definetly abusive. Please be careful!
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  #12  
March 7th, 2006, 09:46 AM
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I would have to agree with everyone else! Leaving is the safest thing to do, but I know it can be the hardest too. The fact he agreed to counseling is awesome. I really hope it can work itself out if that is what you want! I'd agree if ANYTHING ever happens again I'd leave in a heartbeat.

My son's SD was the same way. It started small... I didn't pay bills, threats, breaking stuff. By the end he refused to buy groceries for the kids & I, we lived off of $50/month. He wouldn't buy diapers, he wouldn't even buy a carseat to bring our baby home from the hospital. Every day I was scared of what he might do to us! Finally he went to sleep & I packed up my kids, 22 months & 3 months & drove 650 miles before he ever woke up. There is never a moment that I am not wishing I'd of left after the first episode. We're doing great now after almost 2 years, but the emotional pain he caused is still there.

Be safe!
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