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If I ever had doubts about leaving him, they're all gone now! Last night we talked on the phone and ended up fighting b/c I was "grilling him" about what he was doing. Which I was NOT! I said, "Hey, what are you doing?" when he answered his phone which is something I say just about every time I call someone. Well, incase you weren't aware, that is "grilling". Then we ended up fighting b/c I had a suspicion (sp?) that Avery spent most of the weekend with his grandma which just pissed me off b/c he is only asked to be a father to him 4 days of the month. I wasn't rude or anything, I just asked how much time Avery spent with grandma and him. Fast forward to today--he came over about 30 minutes ago b/c he so graciously (please note the sarcasm here) agreed to give me $20 to get more diapers. Well, he IMMEDIATELY starts in on me for "grilling" him and implying that he spends no time with his son. I said, "If you are spending time with him, then what does it matter what I think? If you say you spent the whole weekend with him, I believe you." Even that wasn't good enough. He proceeded to tell me (as he's walking out the door) that I am the same person I was when we were married--still trying to control him (BS!!!). Then he called me a b**** about 10 times in front of Avery!!!! Grrrrrrrr!!!! I hate that guy!
OMG the drama continues!!!! Saturday is my birthday and I have plans for a "girls nite out" so I called Nate (ex) to see if he wanted to watch Avery all night then instead of my mom watching him. I figured he'd want the extra time. Well, instead he was pissed off b/c he couldn't go out with us and ended up telling me that he's decided to try for JOINT custody of Avery. And by joint he means he has Avery 1-2 weeks, then I have him 1-2 weeks...back and forth. I said there's no way in hell I'm letting that happen. Nate is more than welcome to come see Avery every d**n day if he wants to and even take him all night and bring him in the morning but there's no way I'm going to let him put Avery through that kind of hell alternating households like that. Then I asked him what he would do with Avery during the day while he was working and he said he'd find a babysitter. Well, I babysit and he said "hell no" to letting me babysit my own son if this arrangement were going to happen. My parents are divorced and my dad had us every other weekend and that was hell enough on us going back and forth. Plus my cousin had custody arrangements where she had 2 weeks with dad, then mom. She hated it b/c it was basically like moving every 2 weeks. If I don't kill Nate it's going to be a miracle! Thanks for letting me vent again. And if anyone has any advice, I would love to have it right now.
Gee, sounds like it is a complete mess and he is being a complete A#%HOLE!! I really don't have any adivce for you other than make sure that you find the absolute best attorney in your area and have the attorney let your EX have it!!
Who needs a person like that. Be glad your not living with him. Do whatever you gotta do for yourself and your childs well being. Men can be such jerks at times. I wish you well in all this. Hoping things work out for the best.
I don't know any state that would allow him to hire a babysitter. When I was going through my divorce oh, wow, 7-8 years ago, my lawyer was working on another case and the judge told each parent that the other was first line for babysitting. Meaning, if Nate has to work, he has to give you the option before he's allowed to hire a babysitter outside of you. He said it was pretty much that way everywhere.
In Tennessee, joint custody only means that the non-custodial parent has a say in medical & educational decisions, it's no more time. Shared parenting (which is what you are describing) is becoming more and more popular. I'm not sold on the idea and I would fight that tooth and nail.
I'm sorry he's being such an a**. I agree with getting a lawyer and doing everything through him. Get a temporary custoday agreement ASAP, because if he files for it before you do, you'll have to hadn Avery over full time until it's resolved. What a mess that would be! My ex was an idiot, he removed the boys from the state we were living in and filed in a state that the boys and I hadn't lived in in almost 6 months and he hadn't lived there for 2 or 3 months. The judge was NOT happy to find out that they didn't have jurisidiction or venue!
Well, Nate called me again and I just got off the phone with him. He has calmed down and admitted to just being angry and shooting his mouth off. He does want joint custody of Avery, but says he won't fight me and agreed that it's probably not in Avery's best interest to do that. I don't know what to do now. I want to trust him and I want us to remain friends through it all (for Avery's sake) but I worry about what he'll do when he gets angry again. *sigh* Thanks for the hugs, advice, and just plain listening gals. It means a lot to me!
Sounds like you are right to worry about what will happen next time he gets angry about something. I would go ahead and try to get everything legalized ASAP to protect yourself and Avery. You don't have to go after Nate with guns a blazing if you don't want to. How your attorney goes after him is sort of up to you. Since your sure that Nate isn't coming back, you should go ahead and move forward to get the temporary custody paperwork in place until your divorce and everything is finalized.
Just keep your guard up....My ex told me the same thing. I did our divorce pro se and did all the paperwork etc and all he had to do was show up on certain days to get the notorized etc which he did, and it all was going wonderful, until the final copy that was going to be presented to the court on that following Monday was reveiwed by him, he took the paper work, and "disagreed" and shut the door. I freaked out, screaming and yelling, etc and went home. The next day he served me with a restraining order saying that he felt that I was emotionally and mentally unstable and felt that his son was in danger. And because I was served on a Sunday nothing could of been done. His little game didnt work but, my main point is, if he is playing games now, just watch what you do or say to him or in general because people do get nasty in the end. Just my word of advice.
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<div align="center"> Proud wife to Steve and mom to Adrian </div>
<div align="center"> Jesci's Myspace </div>
Jeri, PLEASE listen to Jesci and be extremely careful on this one. My ex also did something similar to hers, and sounds a lot like Nate. I'd ask him to babysit Kaili while I went to work and he'd agree, only for me to find out he'd just run her down the street to his grandmother's house as soon as I'd left and take off with his buddies or his new girlfriend. When I put a stop to it and the custody issue arose, I found out through his mother that he and his girlfriend were hitching a plan to get the courts to take her away from me and declare me legally unfit, because SHE wanted his baby and had suffered two miscarriages. By taking my daughter, she could play mommy and he could not only ruin my life but also continue to be irresponsible and do whatever he wanted. Needless to say I slapped a restraining order on him so fast it made his head spin, and by the time my court hearing was done I had SOLE legal custody and he had no visitation rights. Be prepared for him to pull something, because he probably will. Nate sounds like the type of guy who'll get extremely ugly to "get even" with you for walking away.
PM me anytime you need to talk!
<p align="center"> <span style="color:green">Proud Mom To Kaili and Josalin!
Proud Navy wife to Erik!</span>
Like I said before ... don't let trying to be friends with Nate affect your judgment ... you abssolutely MUST get everything done first, you MUST get everything done through the lawyer/judge/court ... get a child advocate and a good lawyer. It seems to me that Nate might be a bit unstable, and you should be keeping a record of everything he says, when he says it, etc. Keep a little notebook of everything because trust me, it will come in handy someday.
I hope everything gets better for you Jeri, PM me or IM me on AIM anytime you need a friend .
well i think your better off without him. i am sure you can find someone that will not talk to you that way and will respect you. try not to let him bother you to bad, your not with him anymore so WHO CARES what he thinks! LOL