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My Dad the Alcoholic. (Long)


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  #1  
June 26th, 2009, 10:04 PM
AprilJanellieBellie's Avatar Keepin Busy
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Location: Hesperia
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My mom has been emotionall separated from my dad for the last 10 years. Two years ago she filed for divorce. My dad was incomplete shock, I guess he thought that she still loved him, he started drinking. He had previously been sober 25 years. At first it was mild, but it grew quickly. Last summer the house my brother & i grew up in went on the horrible real estate market. They listed it 100k less than it appraised for, so it would sell quickly. The drinking got worse. Meanwhile, who knows what happend with the divorce, they are still married. The house get several offers, they agree on one & escrow starts, my dad has 90 days to pack 20 years of stuff, he drinks more. I am pregnant but I go & stay with him to help him, he trys to kill himself. I go home & come back a few weeks later to help again, i stay 3 weeks, all he does is drink. I tell him everyday, or ask him why? He has a lot going on he says. I get that but i don't get how drinking so much you don't remember the conversation you had the previous day make anything better...fast forward to christmas, his drinking seems to be better, yet not over with. We invite him to christmas at our house, he plans on coming up christmas eve. I talk to him several times during the day, he's on his way, he has told me how he is getting here ( the last time he was drunk & got lost). He doesn't sound at all like he has been drinking ( i can tell the difference because he really gets lovey). Then he never shows up & doesn't answer his cell phone. Finally on christmas day after some of his friends call me worried I call and report him missing ( i really had just given up because we went through this on thanksgiving). I find out 10 minutes later that he was in an accident & was at the hospital 40 miles from us. I call the hospital they released him....fast forward to current....he was just charged with DUI ( totally understandable) I though he should go to jail (so happy he hit a tree & not someone). He gets off easy with classes, but he doesn't even have to go to AA his dumb *** chooses to take nicotine anynomous so he can quit smoking because he doesn't have a drinking problem. I know that you can't make someone change, but I really don't know if there is a way to help him see the light.

Thanks for reading, I just had to get that out, because when I talk about it with my husband he tells me I have to fix it. I'm not GOD!
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  #2  
July 1st, 2009, 02:54 AM
Mom.to.PinknBlue's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Lame-o Illinois
Posts: 12,234


OK how are you supposed to fix it? Next time your husband tells you that, tell him its his turn to try or something.
I'm sorry that you are going through this.
Maybe do an intervention? If he becomes a danger to himself or others around him you can have him court ordered into a treatment facility. Probably not a direction you want to take but its an option. Your dad has to realize he has a problem first before anything can be done. Its great he wants to quit smoking, but that isn't the main problem at hand. Maybe you need to give him some tough love, cut ties from him for awhile. I know that sounds kind of harsh to say, but maybe that is what he needs, is no one to talk to or turn to when he really screws up.
I hope things work out.
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  #3  
July 1st, 2009, 06:25 AM
AprilJanellieBellie's Avatar Keepin Busy
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Thank you! My husband just doesn't get it. I have tried to cut ties for awhile, it's just hard because I know that the whole reason he drinks is because he is lonely. My brother is serving in Afganistan right now, and he just keeps thinking that he is going to lose his son, and he has already lost his first born, and I am not his biologically. So he see this situation as really depressing.

I totally want to do an intervention, but nobody wants to do it with me. So what do you do then?
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  #4  
July 1st, 2009, 05:05 PM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
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Why wont anyone help you do an intervention? What about contacting a local mental health facility. If he has tried to kill himself, then he could be committed.
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  #5  
July 2nd, 2009, 10:27 PM
AprilJanellieBellie's Avatar Keepin Busy
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I'm not really sure why, but we did have him committed & they released him on his own recognice (spelling?) They said psychologically (spelling) there was nothing abnormal about how he was feeling. Whatever! I am trying to get him help. I am going to go to Alanon (spelling), I am so tired from it.
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  #6  
July 2nd, 2009, 11:43 PM
Mom.to.PinknBlue's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Sweetheart I am so sorry.
I heard alanon was a good support group.
I am sorry no one will help you with an intervention, that just isnt fair. To you or your dad. Your dad needs help, I just wish he could realize that. Because by doing this he is not only hurting himself but hurting you as well.
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