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My DD was born a month before my 30th B-day.
She was in NICU for 5 days and then when we got home DH and I were on our own without any help from anyone. I was in a lot of pain and I was struggling with breastfeeding and problems we were running into. I was only getting about 1 hr of sleep a day if I was lucky and DD had severe colic and was crying non stop day and night. I was a walking zombie. I was so tired and in so much pain that I just could not do anything for the B-day celebration. I just wanted to get some sleep and rest. When my B-day came, DH and I just ate dinner and held our daughter just the 3 of us.
Usually everyone here celebrates their big 30 by having a party etc, but it was not an option for me. Before I had my DD I wanted to have a small party with friends and have family come over, but being a total wreck I opted out for just being with DH and DD in my PJs. Most firends called to wish me happy B-day and I said that maybe next year we will celebrate my 30th and 31st together . MIL, FIL and SIL did not even call. They forgot My parents came over for 30 minutes, brought a cake and a nice present and did not want to impose, so they asked if we needed anything and then when we assured them that we are ok, left.
Then a day after my MIL came to see DD and brought me a present which I was shoked with. It was a fabric bag that u get for free when u order cosmetics and a scarf that she probably got for free from somewhere else. I was almost in tears. For her own daughter she always gets the best things (because that is what her own daughter likes) and I just felt like an ugly ducklin or a step daughter. I think I would not feel as bad just thinking she forgot and getting nothing. It felt as any garbage would do for me and that is after I just had her granddaughter. I did not want to show how upset I was and thanked her and said I liked her present (Was it stupid of me? Maybe that is why she thinks any garbage would do for me because I am always very polite and thankful no matter what or no matter how offended I get?)
A couple days after when she came to see DD, she asked me if I wanted something in gold for 30th out of the blue. I think it is because she probably either felt guilty or after telling someone what she got for me, they told her it was not nice. I just felt that it would be like a cancelation prize or something or her buying her guilt outetc, so I said its ok not to worry about it.
Now it has been a while, and it still really bothers me. DH could never talk to her about that. He always felt as she did not owe anything to him or anyone else. I don't know what to do.... If I do nothing, she will just keep on doing things like that. If I decide to say something or give her some hints I have no clue how to do it niccely without offending anyone. What do you think????
well, a little different, but I think that maybe to make her understand that the gift should take more thought you could try something a bit different. Let her know that you're shopping for a good friend of yours that commented on the cute bag and wanted to get one for her. Ask her where she purchased the bag so you might be able to go and buy another. Also ask her if there were also some cute items that you personally would have loved to receive, at the store that you might be able to put in the bag.
Just a thought. Do you feel that she does this often with your gifts?
I would also say something to her. I had a similar problem with my own mother and it kept getting worse and worse until i said something to her. since i said something she no longer is like that. hope everything works out for you
I would have said "Wow, this looks just like the bag Mary Kay (or whatever) is giving away with makeup at the mall!" Let her know you recognize it as a cheap gift next time. And have your husband stand up for you! He's supposed to stick up for you and make sure everyone, including his mother, shows you respect.
Some people are just cheapos - I own a thrift store and you wouldn't believe how many people come in and buy gifts for people and I'm not talking the new-with-tags-on items here - her own daughter probably tells her exactly what she wants....Personally I would be the bigger person, throw the cheap gift in the garbage, and forget about it, especially if it was from my MIL or anyone other than someone in my immediate family. My MIL doesn't even know when my b-day is!
My MIL always acknowleges my DH's SIL's bday by taking her out to dinner but never acknowleges mine except to send me an online greeting card. When I was pregnant with our son, she bought me maternity clothes & told me about it 3 weeks before my bday. Kohls had had a clearance sale on their maternity clothes. Then ON my bday, we saw her & she said "here, happy birthday" and hands me the bag of clothes she had told me about 3 weeks prior. When she told me about the clothes, she made no mention of them being for my bday. I thought that was kinda cheap too.
Another year, she said my gift was "on order" but 2 years later, I still have yet to see it.
My mother ALWAYS sends my DH $50 for his bday, $50 for mine. She sends the kids gift cards for theirs (all 5 of the grandchildren's birthdays are between Sept. 21 & Nov. 6 so that is a lot of money to spend in one group of time).
Oh and for my DH's bday on this last March 12, they were supposed to take us out for dinner. Well, we just said instead of taking us out b/c of everyone's hectic lives, could she please buy my DH the work boots he needed. They cost $60 & that was WAY less than the 5 of us & my 2 in-laws going out after drinks, appetizers, meals & desserts. Well, she told my BIL she bought my DH's boots because we "didn't have the money" to get them. ***?!! We just kinda figured she could do that for his bday & then not have to worry about owing us a meal out.
And my MIL knows I am the one who spends the time finding the perfect gifts for her for bdays, Xmas, Mother's Day, etc. His entire family said when we first got together, they knew there was a woman in his life b/c the quality of the gifts got better.
And one last thing...my son turned 3 last Nov. I told her 2 weeks before we were having a party for him at my house...smallish with just my dad & them there. Well, the day OF the party, she told my DH they weren't coming b/c they didn't want to see my dad & THEY wanted to throw the party at their house. Why didn't she say anything to me?! So his bday was ruined b/c she was throwing a little temper tantrum.
I don't know if things are going to change even if you do say something. My Dh has said stuff to his mom but she STILL acts like this.
Thank you KimberlyD0 for my absolutely beautiful siggy!