We pride ourselves on having the friendliest
and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment
for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers.
If you have any problems registering please drop an email to email@example.com.
Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!
A few times I almost picked up the phone and called the free counseling thing on a card they gave me at work. You get like a small amount of free sessions a year. They help with family issues, money, gambling, drinking, and work issues. Not sure how good their counselors are. But the office is near our house. Our son is doing his best to drive me insane. Dh finally got the part and our dish washer is fixed. It had not been used in a long long time. So I told our son to run it through a cycle with no dishes. Just to sanitize the inside real good. It kind of stunk moldy inside from not being used all that time. Our son forgot to put the washer in the hose part that connects to the faucet. So there is some water spraying on the floor. I was going to go mop it up. I reach for my swiffer wet jet. As it's the only mop I got now for the floor. I had a regular mop and pail. But the mop was yuked up. So I threw it out. I mop up the water on the floor. Walk away. Our son says arn't you going to dry the floor now. No. You air dry it. It's only damp. He starts in badly about you'll wreck the floor leaving it wet. And the dirt will just dry back on. All evening he kept on me about how I don't know how to do this or that right. While I was cleaning up after I made dinner. I was going to turn around and slap his mouth a good one. But what is slapping his mouth going to solve. No child especially a teenager has a right to ridicule their parents. He kept doing annoying things to push my buttons really bad. Now I'm on a high stress level. To the point I won't be able to sleep much tonight. I gotta work tomorrow. I need to be mentally and physically all there to do my job. One day the other week our son pulled a similar. I was so overtired mentally from not sleeping. I did a stupid thing at work. When you open up the steamer oven you stand behind the door and open it. So the steam does not blow out on your face or other body parts. I almost burned my face really bad from the hot steam. But I jumped back quickly. Thank God no one at work seen me do that. Or I'd of gotten yelled for what I did. They are really big on safety at work. They should be. So I get on my computer. Our son says oh so your going to your message boards to bad mouth me and dad now. I said it's none of your business what I do on my computer. I can do whatever on my computer. I said if you spent as much doing the expected work around the house mom and dad expect you to do as you do time ridiculing me. The yard and your room would look really great. I told our son. We all got our duties in this household. Right now moms duty is to go to work make us some money and get the bennies we need I get from working to suppliment what dads disabilty check does not cover in bills. Your duty is to help out around the house doing things dad can't do physically. Which means you cut the grass, whack the weeds, shovel the snow in winter as well as make dad a dinner when I'm working. Dads duty is to make sure you get to school every morning, to your music lesson each week, drive you to your activities such as Boy Scouts and any pep band outings for school(They play for Friday night foot ball games in fall and basket ball games in winter.), as well as help teach in your CCD class at church, and just be a good father to you. Since he cannot do much in physical things around the house. We been to counseling in the past. Our son is good at getting a counselor to believe I am the fault of his problems and we're to mean. That if I was a better mother he wouldn't be the way he is. That's when I told that counselor. I am not letting our son be king faruke. Sitting on his butt all the time. Expecting us to bend over backwards serving his ever beckon need. Giving him everything he wants and not expecting him to do anything for anything. Although the counselor agreed that our son should do things to be a productive member of the family. They did think I should not give to much to son to do. My mouth dropped when I heard that. I said to them. When I was sons age. I had to clean house do the dishes and cook and help grandma clean her apartment. For 50 cents a week. Mom and dad worked full time. Dad would not let us cut the grass or yard work. He was particular how it was done. But Dh had to do yard work, laundry and dishes and for no allowance most times. A quarter a week some times if his father felt like giving it to him. If neither one of us did our chores at home. We knew our fathers would of paddled our behinds really good. The counselor had no answer to that. All that the counselor did was look for signs of us abusing our son instead of helping us work through our problems. Not to long ago I did call the parenting stress line. It's a free service for anyone who is a parent. They can get help during a bad stress time. There are people on the phones 24/7. I called because I feared I'd do something I'd regret later. The person on the stressline helped me out of a situation that could of turned really ugly.
I think counseling is a great outlet when you are having issues--you should at least interview the counselor--you sound like you could use a good outlet along wiht some coping mechanisms (at the risk of using psychobabble)
I agree that some counseling would benefit you. You really do have a lot of stress in your life other than your son. If your work offers free sessions, why not take them up on it. Try out a counselor, if you don't like them, then it really didn't cost you anything. Continue to use the parent hotline to help you out as well. As far as the old counselor that you seen, that person should have seen manipulation written all over your DS!! I have seen a few like that, they believe anything that the kid has to say and blame the parent. They tend to forget that kids like to manipulate to make the parents look and feel sorry for me to get attention. You really need to learn some ways to manage the stress. After so long and so much stress, it can cause you to break down and affect your health as well. I know that is something that you don't need since you are the only one working in your family. Don't hesitate to call a stress line or whatever you may need if you need it, that is what they are there for.
When I see the new schedule at work. Then I'll call and make a time to see someone. Right now this week I only get Wednesday off. Then I work the next 4 days for sure maybe even more. I can't wait till school starts. Then I'll have some peace and quiet time on my days off for part of the day.
Dh uses the counseling provided by work. It's a GREAT thing!!! We actually pick our own therapist and if she isn't in their network, we pay about $20 a visit (20%). I think it is wonderful!!!! It doesn't have to be work related, although dh's is. We get 12 visits a year and it can be changed if necessary.
I think you should give it a try.
Also, I think you should go for yourself, by yourself. A therapist can't make a son do his chores, so I think you should go to work on yourself, get those tools to make it through your day, learn how to best handle ds's comments or how to ignore them. A therapist can't tell ds to not say bad things to you (well he can, but can't make your son not), so you have to learn how to deal with them in a constructive manner. If he sees that his actions don't get a reaction from you, it would be a waste of time for him. He may be using you as a venting post, he may be angry over lots of things and uses you to vent about it, but uses you as the excuse of why he is angry. When he makes rude comments to you, tell him you are soo sorry he is having a bad day....kill em with kindness sort of! Anyway, if you are happy, that will have an affect on him and he may see that he can't bring you down and then maybe you can sit down with him and talk about him, with him, about what he is going through maybe?
Anyway, I just find that yes, we can change some people somewhat, but the best way to do it, is change yourself, which causes a different kind of reaction from those around you. Maybe you guys could all go see a movie or do something as a family together.
My kids are MUCH younger, so I haven't been through what you're going through. But here's an idea:
Could you catch your son at a civil moment, and break down the chores? Any that he thinks he can do better, he's welcome to. In turn, you might consider taking some of the ones he hates the most?? It might show him that you're willing to work with him to make things easier around the house. Any that neither of you want, you may have to hire another teenager to do, which means less money for him. OH WELL!!
Does that sound plausible, or should I stick to Rescue Heroes and Polly Pockets?
WIFE TO PETER
MOM TO BRIAN (6-18-98)