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  #1  
March 10th, 2006, 02:48 PM
dontrellzmommii's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Ok , So J finally started stepping up to the plate. I thought he was going to be around for this child. I went my U/S and found out I was having a boy.OMG I was so excited. I got Online and emailed him and told him the great news.He seemed pretty happy.
So we started having a convo, I told him he needs to tell his mom I\'m pregnant b/c by the end of this week i\'ll be 5 months pregnant. He started to get an attitude. He didn\'t want to tell his mom anything. So I told him my mother wanted to speak to him. He said "H" no , he\'s not talking to her. So I started getting mad and told him he need\'s to help out with this child and if he doesn\'t talk to my mom. I\'m going to have to get child support from him.
FYI he\'s older than me so he would get arrested. I didn\'t want that to happen to him. I tried my hardest to get him to come forward, and atleast admit this child was his. He said if I got the law involed he would move to NYC and deny ever being with me he made me so angry, I didn\'t make this baby on my own why should I have to raise this child alone.
I decided I\'m going to have to do the best I can for this child alone with no support. I honestly want to cause him so much pain right now, but I wont
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  #2  
March 10th, 2006, 03:56 PM
xceptionalchic4's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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First things first child support can find him in New york... so him running away to NY isnt going to stop him from being there some way for his child.. even if he wants to or not... You shouldnt have to do this alone but sometimes life does things that u dont understand and u still have to roll with the punches... Who knows maybe things will change the closer u get to having the baby or when u have it.. maybe they wont.. U should check out the single Mommies board on here... u can probably find alot of support and understanding on there from some of those ladies..

I hope things get better for u.. and always remember ur child is a blessing no matter what esle is going on
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  #3  
March 10th, 2006, 05:49 PM
~Katie~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I am soo sorry you are going through all of this...I went throught the same thing with my first baby...I ended up having to call and tell his mother myself....

the only advice I can give you is to do what your heart tells you...

if you put his name on the birth certificate and he signs the paternity papers (if you are not married, you will have those) if you are on public assistance they will help you get cs for you and you will not have lawyer fees...if not then you will be paying a lawyer to find him and get cs set. those are just some things you can think about.

I wish you luck and if you need anyone to talk to you can pm if you want...~Katie

This is a very tough time and its hard to make decisions like that right now..
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  #4  
March 10th, 2006, 10:18 PM
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  #5  
March 11th, 2006, 07:16 AM
dontrellzmommii's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
First things first child support can find him in New york... so him running away to NY isnt going to stop him from being there some way for his child.. even if he wants to or not... You shouldnt have to do this alone but sometimes life does things that u dont understand and u still have to roll with the punches... Who knows maybe things will change the closer u get to having the baby or when u have it.. maybe they wont.. U should check out the single Mommies board on here... u can probably find alot of support and understanding on there from some of those ladies..

I hope things get better for u.. and always remember ur child is a blessing no matter what esle is going on[/b]
Thanks for the advice, the only thing is I really don\'t want my child having his last name , just incase he want\'s to take the baby away from me in a few years. So I really don\'t know what to do.
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  #6  
March 11th, 2006, 11:54 AM
MommytoZoeAlyssa's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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You dont have to give the baby his last name!
You can give it your maiden name..
I just had my DD a month ago and I was afraid i was going to have to give it my last name where I am married ( legally seperated) but he is not the farther.. You can give the baby your last name or the fathers!!

And dont worry about putting him in pain.. Its not like he is worrying about your or your child. If he is old enough to have sex and make a baby he is old enough to be a man and help you take care of it or at least pay you child support so you can take care of it. And it doesnt matter where he tries to run off to he still has to pay.. If he has a job and isnt paying child support that can hold it from his check... Uggh.. men ... I really hope things get better for you. If you ever need to talk feel free to PM me.
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  #7  
March 11th, 2006, 12:08 PM
dontrellzmommii's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
You dont have to give the baby his last name!
You can give it your maiden name..
I just had my DD a month ago and I was afraid i was going to have to give it my last name where I am married ( legally seperated) but he is not the farther.. You can give the baby your last name or the fathers!!

And dont worry about putting him in pain.. Its not like he is worrying about your or your child. If he is old enough to have sex and make a baby he is old enough to be a man and help you take care of it or at least pay you child support so you can take care of it. And it doesnt matter where he tries to run off to he still has to pay.. If he has a job and isnt paying child support that can hold it from his check... Uggh.. men ... I really hope things get better for you. If you ever need to talk feel free to PM me.[/b]
So I can still get child support without giving the baby his name
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  #8  
March 11th, 2006, 12:35 PM
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If he wants to be a jerk about it. You could see if a court order could be issued that he do the dna test to prove he is the daddy. Once proving he is daddy has been established. Then I'd be pushing for some kind of child support. If it were me after daddyhood has been established. I'd go to his mother and say your son is my babies daddy. That your son did not want to tell you but I have the dna test to prove it. Depending on where you live. I think they can order someone you think is the daddy do the dna test.
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  #9  
March 11th, 2006, 02:34 PM
dontrellzmommii's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
If he wants to be a jerk about it. You could see if a court order could be issued that he do the dna test to prove he is the daddy. Once proving he is daddy has been established. Then I'd be pushing for some kind of child support. If it were me after daddyhood has been established. I'd go to his mother and say your son is my babies daddy. That your son did not want to tell you but I have the dna test to prove it. Depending on where you live. I think they can order someone you think is the daddy do the dna test.[/b]
Alright, Thanks for the advice. This will all happen after the baby is born though, so can i still put my last name on the BC .
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  #10  
March 13th, 2006, 05:01 PM
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The baby doesn't have to have his last name. You get to pick what the name will be. He doesn't even have to have your last name. You could name him Harry Potter if you like. But there's a catch-22 here. If you name this guy as the father on the birth certificate, he could come back and fight you for custody (not likely he'd win though. The most he'd probably get is visitation). But if you don't list him as father you can't go after him for child support.

It sounds to me like he's scared of going to jail since you're a minor and this baby is the proof of your relationship. That's probably why he's freaking out and doesn't want to talk to you mom. Hopefully he'll get over that as time goes on, maybe even step in and be a father to the baby. Hope it all works out for you!
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  #11  
March 16th, 2006, 12:52 PM
~Katie~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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As for the last name...my dd has my maiden name bc we were not married and I did not have to give it to her....best thing I ever did...
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  #12  
March 20th, 2006, 01:48 PM
dontrellzmommii's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thanks for all the advice ladies, I\'m going to stick with my plans and just raise dontrell alone. Alot of women have raised a child on their own successfully. I don\'t want to deal with the father trying to take my child away from me in a few years.
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  #13  
March 22nd, 2006, 08:48 AM
~Katie~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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You can only get cs if he is on the bc and if he wants to come back later for visitation he will be able to take you to court for it if his name is on the bc....just a couple of words of wisdom....but he can also come back and get a dna test...I wish you luck....I did have a friend who was going through kinda the same thing and the bf signed over his rights and she is raising her dd by herself...
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