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  #1  
March 21st, 2006, 02:35 PM
Chunky Monkey's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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OK, DH is driving me nuts!
He says I have "too many" guy friends on the 'net and elsewhere. Most of my life I have made better friends of the opposite sex. Not to say I am sleeping with any of them or anything. My best friend is a guy & we have been best friends since I was 11! And we have never dated, kissed or had sex EVER! But he is not the one DH is threatened by. On AOL I just recently came back in contact with a male friend from school. On MySpace I have come into contact with 3 from school and 1 I met through MySpace but he is happily married so there shouldn't be any worries there. I never send them inappropriate messages of any sorts. It is 100% innocent.


On the other hand......

My DH flirts with anything that wears a skirt. I have gone into our local chat room on AOL & immediately have 3 people IMing me telling me how inappropriate he is acting. I sat here one day boiling because he was asking one girl to see her breasts, another when they were hooking up and so on. I know DH has never cheated on me as far as sleeping with someone else but I just feel so infuriated when he acts like that. He also turns on the webcam with other females...the whole idea of the webcam is for us to video message with my mom 1-2 times a week so she can see the kids. If I bring up how inappropriate he is acting, he just reminds me of the male friends I have.
Oh and I have even gone so far as calling a couple of the girls he talks to "skanks" because one WILL NOT leave him or me alone. She even IMed me telling me she is taking my husband. He stopped talking to her but a few days ago, she IMed him under a new SN & was talking about how he liked her thong & ***** but instead of telling her to leave him alone, he just signed off like a wimp. So I took matters into my own hands & while he was at work, I got under his SN, she IMed again (I did not IM her) & I just told her we didn't appreciate it. But then he got mad at ME for taking care of it. ***??!
Another, he was helping b/c she was in EMT training but she ended up dropping out of the class. He still kept talking to her (for hours on end in the evenings) even though I told him there was no reason if she was no longer in school. Well, she told him she was getting kicked out of her mom's house & he actually tried to talk me into letting her come her.....uh NO! Also, she wanted him to drive her down to Tennessee to meet some guy or something. I put my foot down on that also!

So his bottom line is he can act this way and get away with it but if I even as so much am friends with another guy, I am wrong? I just don't know what to do with him anymore.
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  #2  
March 21st, 2006, 03:05 PM
mrobinson
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HollyF, I don't how you've put up with it for so long~he's not helping himself at all... I'm so sorry.
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  #3  
March 21st, 2006, 03:06 PM
tevinsangel
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Well, first off...let me say that I am sorry that this is causing tension in your marriage. I know that has to be rough, we have enough every day things to deal with, without adding something like this on top of it. What I'm going to say is based on personal experience and I'm not trying to judge you or anyone that chats on the web. About 4 years ago I started chatting on MSN and then went to Yahoo when MSN started charging. I learned a few things in 3 years of chatting. First thing..the majority of people are there to "hook up"...when I say people, I mean men...I only ever chatted with other men. They can sense when a woman is lonely or unhappy and they will completely play up on that. Now, I'm sure that there are probably women out there who play up on that when it comes to men as well, but I'm just going from my own personal experience. Anyway, it made things very difficult for me and my husband because I got to the point that I wanted to "talk" to these complete strangers more than I wanted to talk to him. Lots of emotional cheating went on and I consider cheating to be anything you would do with another person that you wouldnt be comfortable doing in front of or letting your partner know about. I think the difference in your situation is that you know the guys from school, so they are not just complete strangers..however, be careful because you never know if one of these old friends is looking for more eventually. As far as your DH goes, I would be extremely hurt if my hubby were asking to see other women's breasts or wanting to meet up. You have every right to be angry. As far as my story goes, I decided that my husband and my children were more important than talking to these strangers out there (and they usually dont really care about anything but sex) and I gave up chatting all together. I even had my DH block it for me, so that I won't be tempted (when I am lonely feeling) to start talking to strange people again. Sorry this was so long, I hope that things work out for you the way you want them to.
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  #4  
March 21st, 2006, 03:08 PM
MommytoZoeAlyssa's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Grrr.. Id smack the h e l l out of him...

First of all if all your doing is talking to these people on Im and myspace there is no hard. Esp if your not getting on webcame and talking about boobs and #####. Theres a line and he has friggin crossed it.

I would just sit down with him and be honest. And tell him its making you really mad and you dont appreicate him talking that way and getting on webcam with other women. Ask him how he'd feel if you started talking to makes about there penis and stuff.. I mean id make the point thats theres a difference between friends and what he is doing..

Id honestly give him a dose of his own medicine if he didnt straighen his act up.. Id purposely leave a msg to one of your make friends so he would see it about something he wouldnt like.. then tell him he knows what its like to be on the other side of the fence..

im sorry he is being such a moron.. But thats how men are sometimes..
I really hope it all works out
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  #5  
March 21st, 2006, 07:46 PM
carolinagirl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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OK here's my 2 cents..

Innocent or not, communication with the opposite sex via internet is not acceptable - it is simply not a good idea. Do not get me wrong, I think that contact with friends from school is perfectly fine ONLY if there was never any type of intimacy. However, this business of going into chat rooms and flirting with other women - asking them to show him their breasts and when they're going to hook up - HELL NO that's absolutely 100% unacceptable!! I'll tell you about an incident that occured last year.

My DH had been contacted by his HS sweetheart via classmates.com and they had been communicating back and forth thru e-mail. I was fine with this until I found out that he was talking to her on the phone. I was quite upset with him and asked to keep his contact with her strictly e-mail. He complied for a while and I found out that they started talking on the phone again. Well, in July of last year DH's cousin was getting married and we were going to his home town for the wedding. On the way to Ohio my DH informs me that he and his ex have set up a lunch date and I will be meeting her and her son. I was furious to say the least! Once we got to Ohio I discovered that my outfit I packed to wear for the wedding had gotten water spots all down the front. This happened the day we were supposed to meet his ex for lunch because my DH refused to cancel the lunch date. I did not do this on purpose, but I was accused of doing so. DH got very angry with me and said "well I guess we're not going to have enough time to get across town to meet so-in-so for lunch and I'm going to have to call her and cancel". I stopped dead in my tracks and looked at him and said "yes, you will and you should have already done that especially after knowing how I felt about it in the first place". Then I proceed to tell him that I didn't appreciate the two of them conspiring this meeting and that the contact between them would cease. The rest of the trip went well and we returned home normal. In February of this year I discovered that his ex was once again e-mailing my DH. I was livid, but instead of going to my DH - I took things into my own hands. I found her e-mail address on classmates.com and I let her know just how I felt about her contacting my husband. Do you know that wench actually thought that she wasn't doing anything wrong and that she could talk to my husband if she felt like it and that there wasn't anything I could do about it. Let's just say the communication ended that day because I let her know just how pissed off I truly was.

So, in short if you value your marriage and husband this crap with the internet should end ASAP. Women today as well as men have zero respect for married couples values. They see it as the perfect target and most women see a married man as a challenge. Nip that mess in the bud before it becomes something that you don't want it to become. I speak from experience, it happened to me because it's not totally what I wanted but yet I was too stupid to stop it. You can easily be talked into something that you wouldn't normally do and that you think it'll be ok because it's just that once.. WRONG! Don't get caught up in it, I nearly ruined my marriage because I let someone sweet talk me.

Hang in there kiddo and stand your ground, that's YOUR man!!!
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  #6  
March 21st, 2006, 09:57 PM
Chunky Monkey's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
OK here's my 2 cents..

Innocent or not, communication with the opposite sex via internet is not acceptable - it is simply not a good idea. Do not get me wrong, I think that contact with friends from school is perfectly fine ONLY if there was never any type of intimacy. However, this business of going into chat rooms and flirting with other women - asking them to show him their breasts and when they're going to hook up - HELL NO that's absolutely 100% unacceptable!! I'll tell you about an incident that occured last year.

My DH had been contacted by his HS sweetheart via classmates.com and they had been communicating back and forth thru e-mail. I was fine with this until I found out that he was talking to her on the phone. I was quite upset with him and asked to keep his contact with her strictly e-mail. He complied for a while and I found out that they started talking on the phone again. Well, in July of last year DH's cousin was getting married and we were going to his home town for the wedding. On the way to Ohio my DH informs me that he and his ex have set up a lunch date and I will be meeting her and her son. I was furious to say the least! Once we got to Ohio I discovered that my outfit I packed to wear for the wedding had gotten water spots all down the front. This happened the day we were supposed to meet his ex for lunch because my DH refused to cancel the lunch date. I did not do this on purpose, but I was accused of doing so. DH got very angry with me and said "well I guess we're not going to have enough time to get across town to meet so-in-so for lunch and I'm going to have to call her and cancel". I stopped dead in my tracks and looked at him and said "yes, you will and you should have already done that especially after knowing how I felt about it in the first place". Then I proceed to tell him that I didn't appreciate the two of them conspiring this meeting and that the contact between them would cease. The rest of the trip went well and we returned home normal. In February of this year I discovered that his ex was once again e-mailing my DH. I was livid, but instead of going to my DH - I took things into my own hands. I found her e-mail address on classmates.com and I let her know just how I felt about her contacting my husband. Do you know that wench actually thought that she wasn't doing anything wrong and that she could talk to my husband if she felt like it and that there wasn't anything I could do about it. Let's just say the communication ended that day because I let her know just how pissed off I truly was.

So, in short if you value your marriage and husband this crap with the internet should end ASAP. Women today as well as men have zero respect for married couples values. They see it as the perfect target and most women see a married man as a challenge. Nip that mess in the bud before it becomes something that you don't want it to become. I speak from experience, it happened to me because it's not totally what I wanted but yet I was too stupid to stop it. You can easily be talked into something that you wouldn't normally do and that you think it'll be ok because it's just that once.. WRONG! Don't get caught up in it, I nearly ruined my marriage because I let someone sweet talk me.

Hang in there kiddo and stand your ground, that's YOUR man!!![/b]

I am going to!

As far as me talking to friends from school, I can guarantee nothing happened back then. I never even dated guys from my school, I thought they were all jerks. A month ago my best friend & I actually met up with 4 of them for the evening at the bar to hear one's cousin in a band. They were all perfect gentlemen, never acting inappropriate. They all seem like brothers to me, especially since they are all about 3-4 years older than me. I was in school with a couple of theirs sisters. And we are ALL married, even though we didn't have our SO's with us...but we spent the night showing each other pictures of our SO's & kids. All the guys said my DH must have been the most tolerant man but I have a feeling he didn't care b/c of what he is doing now. But we all agreed we would get our SO's to go with us next time & probably the time after that make it a family thing like a picnic in the park or something with the kids.

I am sorry to hear about the situation with your DH. It would make me so mad, especially if she didn't respect your wishes. That is what happened with my DH & the one girl. And he still keeps talking to her.
If my DH told me he was uncomfortable with some of the talk I was having with any guy, I would tone it down or quit talking altogether. And I told him that.

There was a time when we had been dating for about a year. We went over so I could meet some girl he knew since HS. We were engaged & she was married. Right in front of both her DH & me, she was finding every reason to touch and tickle him (my man). It was REALLY sick! I told him we needed to go. So he thought I was over reacting. Then the next day she wanted to meet him at her work...alone...she wasn't going to have her DH there & she didn't want me there. He was mad b/c I didn't want him to go.

Quote:
:dothugs:
HollyF, I don't how you've put up with it for so long~he's not helping himself at all... I'm so sorry.[/b]
Thank you very much!

Quote:
Well, first off...let me say that I am sorry that this is causing tension in your marriage. I know that has to be rough, we have enough every day things to deal with, without adding something like this on top of it. What I'm going to say is based on personal experience and I'm not trying to judge you or anyone that chats on the web. About 4 years ago I started chatting on MSN and then went to Yahoo when MSN started charging. I learned a few things in 3 years of chatting. First thing..the majority of people are there to "hook up"...when I say people, I mean men...I only ever chatted with other men. They can sense when a woman is lonely or unhappy and they will completely play up on that. Now, I'm sure that there are probably women out there who play up on that when it comes to men as well, but I'm just going from my own personal experience. Anyway, it made things very difficult for me and my husband because I got to the point that I wanted to "talk" to these complete strangers more than I wanted to talk to him. Lots of emotional cheating went on and I consider cheating to be anything you would do with another person that you wouldnt be comfortable doing in front of or letting your partner know about. I think the difference in your situation is that you know the guys from school, so they are not just complete strangers..however, be careful because you never know if one of these old friends is looking for more eventually. As far as your DH goes, I would be extremely hurt if my hubby were asking to see other women's breasts or wanting to meet up. You have every right to be angry. As far as my story goes, I decided that my husband and my children were more important than talking to these strangers out there (and they usually dont really care about anything but sex) and I gave up chatting all together. I even had my DH block it for me, so that I won't be tempted (when I am lonely feeling) to start talking to strange people again. Sorry this was so long, I hope that things work out for you the way you want them to. [/b]

Same thing with me, about 5 years ago. But I realized too it wasn't worth it. Now I am careful of who I talk to or make friends with on the net.


Quote:
Grrr.. Id smack the h e l l out of him...

First of all if all your doing is talking to these people on Im and myspace there is no hard. Esp if your not getting on webcame and talking about boobs and #####. Theres a line and he has friggin crossed it.

I would just sit down with him and be honest. And tell him its making you really mad and you dont appreicate him talking that way and getting on webcam with other women. Ask him how he'd feel if you started talking to makes about there penis and stuff.. I mean id make the point thats theres a difference between friends and what he is doing..

Id honestly give him a dose of his own medicine if he didnt straighen his act up.. Id purposely leave a msg to one of your make friends so he would see it about something he wouldnt like.. then tell him he knows what its like to be on the other side of the fence..

im sorry he is being such a moron.. But thats how men are sometimes..
I really hope it all works out[/b]
Yep, all I am doing is talking to friends. I only webcam with my mom for her to see the kids. Besides for that, I don't plug it in. And I COULD be talking about my DD's to other guys but being respectful of my DH & not doing so.

I have sat down with him but he told me if he doesn't start getting sex EVERY night, he is going to have to go elsewhere. So what? He thinks I am a friggin machine? I cook, clean, take care of 3 hyper children (2 with special needs) & he expects me to just jump in the sack?! Yeah right! I am lucky if I feel like it 2-3 nights a week. i usually fall in bed from exhaustion.

I have thought about giving him a dose of his own medicine. I have a male friend letting me know what is going on in the chat room....I was thinking of sending him an e-mail my DH might not like too much. And even though Joe would be in on it, my DH might wanna kick his butt even if we do explain it is a joke.

I have limited how much he is on though but for that & a diff reason. He NEVER helps around the house. When he is home, he is either in front of the T.V., computer or asleep in bed. So I have made a rule for 2 hours we turn off the puter & TV and either clean or play a game as a family or something.
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  #7  
March 28th, 2006, 09:01 AM
lilbilal's Avatar Regular
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Quote:
I have sat down with him but he told me if he doesn't start getting sex EVERY night, he is going to have to go elsewhere. So what? He thinks I am a friggin machine? I cook, clean, take care of 3 hyper children (2 with special needs) & he expects me to just jump in the sack?! Yeah right! I am lucky if I feel like it 2-3 nights a week. i usually fall in bed from exhaustion.[/b]
lol. i know what u mean. i don't have kids yet but my bf thinks that i am just supposed to please him whenever he feels fit, which is practically everyday. hecky nah, i ain't do that everyday. he said that once a long time ago...blah blah blah thats why men cheat bcuz they can't even have sex with their wives and stuff...blah blah blah. i was like shut the **** up. lol. thats so stupid. so i try to at least be in the mood to do somethin at least once a week n i make sure it's a wildly crazy time when we do so he leaves me alone for at least a week. lol. it actually tends to work pretty well for us. lol. i am sure when we finally have a baby it will be harder to do so but i think we can fit it in somewhere. but i feel ya! u gotta let him know it ain't every freakin day! if he doesn't like it then he can go watch a adult flick and fix the problem himself, thats what i would say to him! just an idea.
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  #8  
March 28th, 2006, 09:12 AM
lilbilal's Avatar Regular
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Quote:
Women today as well as men have zero respect for married couples values. They see it as the perfect target and most women see a married man as a challenge. Nip that mess in the bud before it becomes something that you don't want it to become[/b]
N AMEN to that! a lot of women i know talk to men who r married or have girlfriends. when i'm like don't u think thats wrong, they say, well, i guess they're not pleasing him so i will. then i usually don't talk to them no more. why the heck is it a ###### competition or somethin! there is millions of SINGLE men around, they should go for them not men who r in a happy home. 4 real. i know some women r like this from expieriance too. some think they can just walk into someone's relationship n do whatever. it's one thing when the man instigates this type action with a women, but some women take it upon themselves to squeeze themselves into a mans life wheter he's single or not. n those r the types of people i hate most. i had a girl LIE TO MY FACE b4 about her trying to talk to my man, n then turn around and try it again. She's lucky I haven't seen her again or she'll be getting a foot up her ###. but it's ur man, so u take charge n let any women who interfere know whats up!
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