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Maybe this is more my problem than his, but DH is driving me NUTS!!!
First of all he has a new job which is great because now I can stay home, BUT his job keeps him away until 9:30 at night most days of the week. I love being home with our newborn, but I still need DH and his help. Not to meantion his company and support.
Second, he basically does not think of being a SAHM as a job. So now there is this underlying tension between us because he seems to resenting the fact that I'm staying home now. I came from a really good paying job, but the hours and the stress were horrendous. I can't go back to that yet...plus miss these amazing moments in our first borns life. I would be miserable...but he doesn't seem to understand.
Third, he has basically said three full sentences to me today. 2 of them were yelling at me for throwing away a receipt he expected me to know he wanted to keep. (We NEVER keep receipts) Then his mom calls and asks him to help her return a car she rented for the weekend. He goes to help her and ends up staying over at her house for 3 hours!! I call to find out where he is (after I"ve made dinner, done the laundry and been grocery shopping) and he tells me that he's fixing her computer then he'll be home. I only get the weekends with him...and now we don't even seem to have that, because everyone else wants a piece of my time or his.
What do I do?? Any SAHM advice on how to keep your husband's respect?? Plus since I'm new to the whole mommy thing...does this get better? I just miss the husband I had in the hospital and when I first came home...the one who really made me feel loved and good and beautiful...the one who was helpful around the house without being told...UGH!
Oh Dear.. there certainly does seem to be alot of tension between you and DH over the SAHM situation. Most men fail to understand how stressfull it truly is for a new mom (not that it's not stressfull for a new dad too) and they don't exactly know how to handle it. I can almost garantee that he thinks because he's the main provider that your job is to take care of the house and the baby all on your own. However EVERYONE needs a little help, especially new moms. I remember when I brought my son home from the hospital. I was the only one getting up with him and getting maybe 2-3 hours of sleep a night. Then it was expected of me to maintain an entire house with roommates all by myself. It was impossible to clean up after 3 grown men, and take care my son. It resulted in us moving out into our own place.
I understand your frustration completely but the fact of the matter is that you did not concieve the child all on your own. DH played a part in it as well and his participation wasn't over the moment he released his "little soldiers" - it was the begining!! DH needs a HUGE HUGE HUGE reality check. You deffinetly need to sit down and have a heart to heart before the tension gets so thick you could cut it with a knife. Maybe one weekend make an agreement for DH to take of the baby while you go and relax, hang out with family or some friends and get a good nights sleep. I will bet that when you return home DH will have a new outlook on just how tough a SAHM's job truly is!
Whatever you decide to do I wish you the best of luck. (((hugs)))
GOD, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference ~ Amen.
This post was like reading something I would have written a couple of months ago. All I can say is that -- it WILL get easier. In the beginning, everyone is exhausted. Everyone is tense. Everything seems like it's upside-down. I can share with you a little insight into the mind of my husband. We recently flipped rolls - I came back to work full-time and he is a SAHD. He told me that the first few weeks he had to return to work when Jeremy was first horn were so hard for him. I think that many men feel the need to act *tough* and *strong* for us. Perhaps he is very sad and not dealing well with being away from you both so long. I myself find it difficult to switch gears into *Mommy Mode* the moment I walk in the door from a long day (and terrible commute home). I'm not trying to make excuses for your DH's bahavor, I'm only offering my thoughts. Having a baby changes every aspect of a marriage... no matter how strong they were before the baby arrived. Try to be patient with him, but do speak up if you feel that he is being unfair to you. You need to let him know what needs you have that he is not meeting. Don't assume that he knows... that's what I was doing and it was a fast-track to disaster.
Best of luck to you and your family. Your son is beautiful.
I agree with virgo_gal30, in time it will start to get a little easier. You do need to speak up however and let him know how you are feeling. You really need to make sure that your feelings are known in a healthy way, because you dont want to bottle them up. They dont really realize what life if like staying home all the time until they are put into the situation alone even for a few hours. When I come back, my DH says that he doesnt know how in the world I do it all the time. When we starts in about something, I just leave the kids with him for a while, and then reality hits back to him and he realizes what life is really like. I know what you mean about having to share him on his days off, it is a pain. My DH used to do all kinds of crap for his mommy and daddy and it got in the way of our relationship. I ended up having to tell him that he needs to put his family first and parents off the top. It finally sunk into his brain and he got the hint. Good Luck!! I hope things start to get better for you soon, and WELCOME to the board!!! Let us know how you are doing.
Thanks for the advice...and support. It is just hard right now, because I'm breastfeeding so I am the one with the baby 99% of the time. Plus the housework is just more obvious to me so it is always a struggle to get my husband to notice the carpet needs vacuuming, etc. I know we'll get through this, but this is so frustrating right now. DH just called to let me know he won't be home until after 9:30pm tonight...
It's nice to know I"m not the only one who has been through this, though. I appreciate your support and advice. I'll have to take you girls up on the stay at home daddy for a day/weekend or something. He needs a good wake up call!!