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Mother-in-laws, sometimes you want to slap them!


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  #1  
March 29th, 2006, 09:50 AM
Regular
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 4
Am I the only person out there that hates their Mother-in-law with a passion? Well, in any case i need to vent and I can't talk about it with my husband (its his mother).

Ok, I am not going to bore you with all the details on why I want to choke her, but let me give you some back ground to help you understand. She has been a housewife all of her life, fine by me its her life - her choice. My husband has never had to lift a finger in that house (she did everything for him.) When we got married, my husband was more then willing to help me with laundry, dishes, cat litter, trash, ect. Not once have I asked him to do any of it either, He is just a wonderful husband who knows I work because I have to. Oh, but I am evil in her eyes and force her baby boy to do "woman's work"

I have always been nice to her, mainly out of respect for my husband. When we got married, anytime I went over to her house... "Bill, you look starved, here eat this" She will hand he a huge plate of food and won't take no for an answer... even if he tells her i just made him a large meal. My food is not good enough for her little boy. (By the way she lives with my brother-in-law because she refuses to be more independent - she refuses to drive, or take a bus... someone needs to tote her a** around)

Well, I got pregnant and then suddenly she is nice to me... yea, except when she sat me down (when my husband was in a different room) so she could tell me how to raise my child! "It's not a man's place to change diapers" I had enough at that point told her "He helped make it, there is no reason he can't help changing it." I called Bill in and told him what she just said... his response was "Mother, I have no problem changing a diaper"

My mother is throwing me a baby shower for (my) friends and family. My mother made the mistake of asking Bill's mom if there were any one she would like to invite... BIG mistake, not only did my mother-in-law say "Oh, there is a few I would like to invite" but she went ahead and invited 50 of her friends (even the ones she hasn't talked to in 50 years without asking my mom if that was alright.) I just wanted a small baby shower filled with people I actually know. Now, with her "loving nature" my mother is going to go broke (my mom has to rent a hall and get food for about 100 people and i only know 20 of them.) My mother can hardly pay her bills let alone fork over the money to pay for a bigger shower then my wedding. Did I mention my mother-in-law depends on others for money, shelter, ect. SHE HAS NO JOB!!!

Is there anything I can do or say to her... to get my way with a small baby shower (with people I know)??
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  #2  
March 29th, 2006, 12:17 PM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 14,873
Let me start off by saying to JM and the Venting Room. I suggest to start read one of the posts below on dealing with setting boundaries, because it sounds to me like this woman needs some serious boundary setting. Trust me you are NOT alone on not liking your inlaws. I think the better question would be, Who does??! Anyway, back to you. You need to stand up for yourself and tell MIL that she can only invite 5 friends, or even less if you want say 2. Just tell her like it is, that you do not want to hurt her feelings, but this shower is for you and you want to have people there that you dont know and that your mother can not afford to have that many people there, and that if she wants to invite all of those people then she needs to help pay for her friends. Good Luck!!!! Let us know how it goes!
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  #3  
March 29th, 2006, 01:05 PM
carolinagirl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 2,053
ABSOLUTELY! However it needs to be done tactfully. What your MIL did was not only inconsiderate, it was down right rude. Inviting a "few" friends consists of ONE maybe TWO at the very most. Your MIL needs to be sat down and told "I'm sorry, but you're going to have choose only two friends to come to the baby shower. We have to cut costs and I simply cannot afford to feed 50 of your closest friends" - well you get the idea. She will either decide to cut it to one or two people or not come at all - which will be no skin off of your back.

I just cannot believe that she took it upon herself to invite that many people. Mommy needs to let go too, her "baby" is a grown man with his own family and baby on the way. Boundaries will deffinetly need to be set LONG before your child is born, other wise it's just going to continue. I mean EVERYONE gets "advice" from parents who have "been there - done that". Just do your best to smile, nod and grit your teeth. It all boils down to you picking and choosing your battles and making a stand for yourself.

I wish you the best of luck. I must be the only one on the planet that LOVES her MIL?!?! LOL
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Tracey (34)


GOD, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference ~ Amen.








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  #4  
March 29th, 2006, 04:33 PM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 14,873
Quote:
I must be the only one on the planet that LOVES her MIL?!?! LOL[/b]
Wow!! There is actually a real live person alive that not only tolerates, or even likes her MIL, but is willing to state for everyone that she LOVES her! I didnt think I would ever find a person out there! hehehe! It is like?
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  #5  
March 29th, 2006, 07:37 PM
mmsmom_25's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 162
No CArolinagirl, you are not alone. I absolutely love my MIL too. Sometimes it is my own mother than drives me up the wall!!!!
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  #6  
March 29th, 2006, 08:54 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Sydney, Australia
Posts: 1,874
Quote:
Am I the only person out there that hates their Mother-in-law with a passion? Well, in any case i need to vent and I can't talk about it with my husband (its his mother).

Ok, I am not going to bore you with all the details on why I want to choke her, but let me give you some back ground to help you understand. She has been a housewife all of her life, fine by me its her life - her choice. My husband has never had to lift a finger in that house (she did everything for him.) When we got married, my husband was more then willing to help me with laundry, dishes, cat litter, trash, ect. Not once have I asked him to do any of it either, He is just a wonderful husband who knows I work because I have to. Oh, but I am evil in her eyes and force her baby boy to do "woman's work"

I have always been nice to her, mainly out of respect for my husband. When we got married, anytime I went over to her house... "Bill, you look starved, here eat this" She will hand he a huge plate of food and won't take no for an answer... even if he tells her i just made him a large meal. My food is not good enough for her little boy. (By the way she lives with my brother-in-law because she refuses to be more independent - she refuses to drive, or take a bus... someone needs to tote her a** around)

Well, I got pregnant and then suddenly she is nice to me... yea, except when she sat me down (when my husband was in a different room) so she could tell me how to raise my child! "It's not a man's place to change diapers" I had enough at that point told her "He helped make it, there is no reason he can't help changing it." I called Bill in and told him what she just said... his response was "Mother, I have no problem changing a diaper"

My mother is throwing me a baby shower for (my) friends and family. My mother made the mistake of asking Bill's mom if there were any one she would like to invite... BIG mistake, not only did my mother-in-law say "Oh, there is a few I would like to invite" but she went ahead and invited 50 of her friends (even the ones she hasn't talked to in 50 years without asking my mom if that was alright.) I just wanted a small baby shower filled with people I actually know. Now, with her "loving nature" my mother is going to go broke (my mom has to rent a hall and get food for about 100 people and i only know 20 of them.) My mother can hardly pay her bills let alone fork over the money to pay for a bigger shower then my wedding. Did I mention my mother-in-law depends on others for money, shelter, ect. SHE HAS NO JOB!!!

Is there anything I can do or say to her... to get my way with a small baby shower (with people I know)??[/b]
DEFINATLY and do it now! You can't let her get away with that she sounds like a right prude!! Just tell her how it is and if she doesn't like it then don't come! YOU are the one having a baby not her and she is going to need to realise that at some stage and also the fact that her son is a grown man! But I think it's your husbands job to say something about that to her. And DON't let this go if you let it slide she's going to think you'll let everything else slide and I'm sure that is one way a MIL from hell is created aswell as the fact that alot of them are already prudes!

and definatly look at the boundary setting post may just be what you are looking for!

Quote:
Wow!! There is actually a real live person alive that not only tolerates, or even likes her MIL, but is willing to state for everyone that she LOVES her! I didnt think I would ever find a person out there! hehehe! It is like?[/b]
Me too!! My soon to be MIL is the most wonderful person I know and really I don't know how I was getting through life without her! Before me and my DF were even seriously dating I would tell him I was going to marry him just so his mum would be my MIL....needless to say it is happening
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  #7  
March 30th, 2006, 06:54 AM
carolinagirl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 2,053
Yes, I absolutely love my MIL. She is SO good to me and to be honest, I feel quilty sometimes for not liking her in the early stages of my relationship with my DH. She had my DH at 15 and instead of raising him gave him to her Grandmother to raise until he was 14. Then he went to live with her, by that time she had re-married and had more kids. It upset me that I thought she just tossed him away and when he was old enough to work on the farm for hard labor they took him back. I know now that wasn't the case, but I had pre-judged her before I even met her!

She's just like my mom and totally adores me. I've never had IL's that welcomed me with open arms from day one! It's an awesome feeling to tell the truth. I mean I was married once before, so I am well aware of the MONSTER-in-law. I would have sworn that the devil himself spat her out! I had a baby at 19 and he was preemie and only lived for 3 days. Well I was given this gorgeous, extremely expensive sterling silver frame from my mother to put his birth certificate in with his foot prints and a picture of him right after he was born. Do you know that witch threw it away because she got pissed off at me and my ex one day, then decided to kick us out with no where to go and put all our stuff on the street corner the same day the trash was collected! It was ALL that I had to remember my baby by. So yeah I completely empathize with those that despise their MIL's.

I totally hope that redemptive_angel sets hers straight soon, otherwise it's just going to build and the stress and tension is not good for an expecting mother or the unborn baby. (((HUGS)))
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Tracey (34)


GOD, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference ~ Amen.








My Myspace & Yahoo 360*
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  #8  
March 30th, 2006, 07:50 AM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 14,873
Quote:
Yes, I absolutely love my MIL. She is SO good to me and to be honest, I feel quilty sometimes for not liking her in the early stages of my relationship with my DH. She had my DH at 15 and instead of raising him gave him to her Grandmother to raise until he was 14. Then he went to live with her, by that time she had re-married and had more kids. It upset me that I thought she just tossed him away and when he was old enough to work on the farm for hard labor they took him back. I know now that wasn't the case, but I had pre-judged her before I even met her!

She's just like my mom and totally adores me. I've never had IL's that welcomed me with open arms from day one! It's an awesome feeling to tell the truth. I mean I was married once before, so I am well aware of the MONSTER-in-law. I would have sworn that the devil himself spat her out! I had a baby at 19 and he was preemie and only lived for 3 days. Well I was given this gorgeous, extremely expensive sterling silver frame from my mother to put his birth certificate in with his foot prints and a picture of him right after he was born. Do you know that witch threw it away because she got pissed off at me and my ex one day, then decided to kick us out with no where to go and put all our stuff on the street corner the same day the trash was collected! It was ALL that I had to remember my baby by. So yeah I completely empathize with those that despise their MIL's.

I totally hope that redemptive_angel sets hers straight soon, otherwise it's just going to build and the stress and tension is not good for an expecting mother or the unborn baby. (((HUGS)))[/b]
I cant believe she threw out that special frame!! OMG that just made me royally ticked off reading about that! Actually I wish I had a good relationship with mine, I think it would sort of be neat. But I do agree that redemptive_angel needs to get hers put in her place really soon! Hopefully she has already talked to her and took care of the problem.
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  #9  
March 30th, 2006, 09:35 AM
mrobinson
Guest
Posts: n/a
Redemptive angel?!?!



I had a hard time with my MIL for years.. only now do we seem to be able to tolerate each other.. I just HATED things she would say to me, conveniently when Darcy wasn't in ear shot.

Dr Phil says, it's the husband's duty to talk to the MIL about the boundaries.. so... I'm no doctor but it makes sense to me to do it that way?

I hope things will work out. Welcome to the venting room. I hope you know we want to be supportive to you for sure.

<div class=\'quotetop\'>QUOTE(Redemptive_angel @ Mar 29 2006, 09:50 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div><div class=\'quotemain\'>Ok, I am not going to bore you with all the details on why I want to choke her, but let me give you some back ground to help you understand. She has been a housewife all of her life, fine by me its her life - her choice. My husband has never had to lift a finger in that house (she did everything for him.) When we got married, my husband was more then willing to help me with laundry, dishes, cat litter, trash, ect. Not once have I asked him to do any of it either, He is just a wonderful husband who knows I work because I have to. Oh, but I am evil in her eyes and force her baby boy to do "woman\'s work"

I have always been nice to her, mainly out of respect for my husband. When we got married, anytime I went over to her house... "Bill, you look starved, here eat this" She will hand he a huge plate of food and won\'t take no for an answer... even if he tells her i just made him a large meal. My food is not good enough for her little boy. (By the way she lives with my brother-in-law because she refuses to be more independent - she refuses to drive, or take a bus... someone needs to tote her a** around)

Well, I got pregnant and then suddenly she is nice to me... yea, except when she sat me down (when my husband was in a different room) so she could tell me how to raise my child! "It\'s not a man\'s place to change diapers" I had enough at that point told her "He helped make it, there is no reason he can\'t help changing it." I called Bill in and told him what she just said... his response was "Mother, I have no problem changing a diaper"

My mother is throwing me a baby shower for (my) friends and family. My mother made the mistake of asking Bill\'s mom if there were any one she would like to invite... BIG mistake, not only did my mother-in-law say "Oh, there is a few I would like to invite" but she went ahead and invited 50 of her friends (even the ones she hasn\'t talked to in 50 years without asking my mom if that was alright.) I just wanted a small baby shower filled with people I actually know. Now, with her "loving nature" my mother is going to go broke (my mom has to rent a hall and get food for about 100 people and i only know 20 of them.) My mother can hardly pay her bills let alone fork over the money to pay for a bigger shower then my wedding. Did I mention my mother-in-law depends on others for money, shelter, ect. SHE HAS NO JOB!!!

Is there anything I can do or say to her... to get my way with a small baby shower (with people I know)??[/b][/quote]


talk about a classic MIL case!
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