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The issue at hand is that my MIL, BIL, and my very own sister spoil my oldest daughter to no end, and it's causing DD to misbehave and ignore DF and I when they're around.
A few examples:
1- DD starts to cry when MIL is leaving...MIL gives DD chocolate to "make her feel better".
2- We do discipline DD when these people are around, but it's only to have them undermine us with "oh, leave her!" or "we're just playing"...BIL goes as far as mocking us to DD with comments like "Oh, mom and dad don't want you to have fun!"
3- They all act like they are ENTITLED to decisions regarding their upbringing regarding: naps, babysitting, daycare, nutrition, discipline, activities, education...can you believe that?!
4- They sneak snacks behind our backs because they know we'll say no. They try to get us to skip their naps, or give us attitude when we put them down for a nap, they indulge and give in to DD interrupting their conversations, rough housing, letting her hit (laughing it off or ignoring it completely) and allowing games we don't allow (screaming in the house, throwing the ball upstairs, jumping on the couch, ect...).
5- When we try to take some one on one time with the kids to dissuade the misbehaving/bad attitude, they come in the room or follow us, and ensure our time is short lived because "this is their visit".
The major problem: My sister and BIL (who are also engaged, lol I know, it sounds weird) are getting married in Mexico in 17 days and we're going to be stuck at a resort with these people and our children,...and as you can well imagine, we're dreading it. We want so badly to have a good time with our kids, but foresee sooooo many issues with these other people.
Luckily our youngest daughter isn't falling into the trap, because we've nipped that one in the bud very early on. Unfortunately, with our oldest, we caught it too late, and now have some MAJOR "reconstructive surgery" to perform! lol
HELP! We need advice! I feel so helpless, and completely inadequate as a mother for letting it get this bad! In our defense, we HAVE had the talks with these people, and all I can say...They're evil . They don't care. They don't try. They argue back. They're righteous you-know-whats. They mock us when we confront them, or turn it into a huge fight.
I KNOW it's going to be an issue at the resort. I know they're going to follow us around, and ****** at us when we take the kids away from them to spend time with them on our own, and outright criticize the way we do things, and defy us...
Is the answer as simple as "who gives a crap, just do what you feel is necessary with your children"?
What's the best approach? I don't want to ruin their wedding by starting a huge fight...but in all honesty, at this point, I almost couldn't even care less if I do! *sigh* Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
That is just so wrong in so many ways for your inlaws to be so rude and undermining. These are your children you have every right to put your foot down and say listen up what we say with these children goes. If you don't like it then your time with them will be limited until we see that we can trust you to act appropriately around our kids without mocking and undermining our authority and be ready for them to pout, whine and threaten. Stick to your guns these children are yours and if you don't stop this now with the inlaws your inlaws your kids will start to mock you and disrespect you too.
Mom to Arielle13,Tyler 10.5, Dylan 8.5 and Autumn Rayne 21mths and Step dd Nevaeh 3
I would say bite your lip at the wedding, and beyond that, don't allow them at your place or around your kids anymore until their behaviour improves. By not listening to you, and belittling you and your DH when you try to say something, they are disrespecting you. I know myself, NO ONE that disrepects me or my SO are not allowed under our roof. Simple.
Go the the wedding and try to have a good time, easier said than done I know. Do not allow your daughter to be with them or around them. She needs to be with you at all times. If they come around you leave and go elsewhere. You need to also explain to your DD that what they are doing is wrong as well as some of her behavior while around them. Tell her that until everyone can behave properly, then this is just the way it is going to be. Then like the PP said, until they can follow your rules and respect you all as a family, then they will not have contact with her.