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Im new on this board. I really need some advice with my relationship. Im 22 my bf is 26, we have two kids and we have been together for over 4 years. For the last little while my bf has been staying up all night to play video games and look at porn, and then he sleeps all day before going to work and as soon as he gets done work hes back on the games. Because of that we spend no time together, we don't have sex, and he barley spends any time with his kids. We fight daily, and the distance bewteen us keeps getting bigger. The things he does online keep getting worse. Ive attempted to talk to him but every talk turns into fighting and name calling and blaming me for every problem we have. How can I get him to talk without fighting, and how can i make him see that everything isnt my fault and if we want this to work we both need to work on things together?
I will second the counseling idea. He needs to realize that his sitting in a room while you parent is not sharing the responsibility. Even if he does work full time and you don't that is not a reason to not be a parent.
Hi, this might be a little long. I am also new to this but let me tell you I know what your going through me and my boyfriend haven't been together as long as you and your bf but we have already been over the same thing. We have only been together 2 years but our fighting used to get so bad he would grab me or throw me down and the name calling was horrible. Just like you I would try to talk to him and it would lead to fighting or somehow always get turned around to where it was my falt and he would never wont sex or even to touch me and still we dont have sex or even do anything to that nature but i tried everthing and adventully it took me leaving him for him to see the picture and were back together and everday things are getting diffrent im not telling you to leave but all the fighting and name calling sounds like is putting a stress on you and maybe your kids to. Also there could be a possibility that he is stressed over something and dosent wont to let you know. But if things get bad it might take something big like leaving for a little bit to show him. I hope in some way this might have helped you let me know or talk to me bout Ive been through a lot of things and im just now bout to turn 20 I also have 2 kids but I lost one of them and ive been in many abusuve relationships and relationships that were good and quickly changed.
In 4 years you had two kids. Did you discuss having these children? Did he want these children? Was this in his plan as well as yours? You say he spends no time with his children. What father doesn't want to spend time with his children unless there is some serious anger going on or resentment of some sort. Not knowing what your intentions were for this relationship and whether you two ever sat down and talked about what you two wanted out of life and what you two wanted out of your relationship, no one can give you advice. You spent no time working on you two before kids came into the picture. You gave yourself no time getting to know each other. Did he want to be the one who worked and you stay home? Did you two ever talk before doing? Does he feel he has any say in this relationship? If he didn't want children this soon or you didn't plan on having children when you did, then that is probably why sex doesn't appeal to him at the moment. Is birth control discussed in your relationship? Was it discussed before kids came along? I don't know much about your history, I'm just bringing up questions that may help you get into his head. He sounds VERY angry and is pushing you away. I'm wondering why he is even there. It sounds like there is no relationship. If he doesn't want to get counsling to get his feelings out, you may need to think about moving on. When a man doesn't feel he has any say or any control over how his life is going to go, then they tend to close themselves off.
I wish you all the best and hope he is open to counseling. He needs to open up. Then again, he may have some serious issues with porn as well. I don't know his upbringing, there may be some serious abuse there too. I don't think he likes the way his life is now, and I don't think he would choose this way if he had a choice, it's just a defense mechanism for something deeper and darker.
Nicole ~ Mom to one crazy little girl ANNA!
Last edited by mom2anna; February 12th, 2010 at 03:21 PM.
i agree with going to see someone, together and seperate.
I have gone thru that with my ex-husband. like seriously, vids and porn! i totally understand. (but no kids) but he wouldnt go see anyone and wouldnt even talk to me about it. I ended up throwing myself into my rsq work and school and everything else. But not home. Please just get help now, make him, please for you and your kids!!