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  #1  
May 5th, 2006, 12:51 PM
momma6_2angels's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Posts: 1,677
When i first learned I was pregnant, dh started pulling away and isolating himself. I would try to talk to him and end up with him blowing up on me for everything that had ever gone wrong is his life. I was blamed for his getting out of the service, the vehicles we drive, being pregnant, having all the kids, renting a home, him not going to secondary college, etc. I thought it was stress. Found numbers on our cell phone bill and he said he was trying to work eith a lady that was helping him get his discharge upgraded so he can go back in the service. Fine. Boy was I stupid!! He began being very secretive and hiding out with his computer all day. He would keep his phone upstairs too. We began fighting about once a month. Finally I put my foot down about his computer so he would stay down here. Then he got in the habit of hiding his power cord. When i confronted him about it, he left it out. I tried to get on his computer but it wouldn't work. We both went to myspace and created profiles. He started emailing a girl from school. That worried me. So I installed spyware on my computer since he could no longer use his. Boy was I shocked to learned this lady was not from the VA. He had changed the password so I couldn't access one account and from there, i learned of another secret account. There were almost 2,000 messages between the two of them. They had even sent eachother sexual emails including pictures. She had pictures he had sent her in the mail and took pics of them up in her office. He had pictures of his toolbox with her pictures up. I threw his crap out the door and out our bedroom window. I was so angry! I still am pretty ticked. They had talked of marriage, love, sex, taking my children from me, how I was a b@#$%, etc. Every hurtful thing that could be said was said. They laughed that I hadn't figured it out. This all came out on Easter Morning, in front of my kids. For that, i apologized to my children profusely. My best friend, another friend, and I took copies of these emails and forwarded them to every person she had an address for (thanks to forwards she sent out). She got fired from her job because the pics she had taken of herself were taken at work and sent through the work email. I also called to talk to her boyfriend. He didn't like me! Now it has been almost 3 weeks. I called her multiple times the day i found out, called her boyfriend two days later, and then called her yesterday multiple times. I had left her alone and let her live her life until i started getting harrassing messages yesterday. i have gotten 6 of them today. She is accusing me of hacking her email too! Now she is claiming that I am harrassing her. She said she has a lawyer, called the illinois police and the city police here. She also let me know that she had people driving by my house since she has some family here and that she will get some of her people to come mess with me. Someone shows up here, I will take it as a threat and do what I have to but I can promise they won't walk off my property! I am sick and tired and want to move on and rebuild my life with my husband. I found out that she has been literally spying on me through my myspace page. She even created a fake account so she could read everything I had. What would you do?? This woman (if you can call her that) lives in southern illinois near st louis while I live in northeastern ohio. Where do you think i should go now??
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  #2  
May 5th, 2006, 02:14 PM
mmsmom_25's Avatar Veteran
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Location: Ontario, Canada
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Wow, she sounds like a real piece of work. I would get rid of your MySpace so she has nothing left to spy on you about. As far as calling the police and whoever else she claims, is just threats she hasn't called anyone. If anything you have the emails to prove that she is harassing you. I don't really have any advice, but hold your head up high and good luck with any decision that you do make.
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  #3  
May 5th, 2006, 02:42 PM
momma6_2angels's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I did get a call from a guy about 2 hours ago stating he was a police officer. They are considering pursuing charges. I live two states away. What are they gonna do?? Extradite me for calling her?? Take me to court so when I don't show up they can have a bench warrant out in that state?? I'm getting rid of the myspace so she has nothing to do. I could post pics of me and dh together. Maybe a smooch pic. I'm irritated.
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  #4  
May 5th, 2006, 03:02 PM
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What about your husband? As much as she sounds like a real b*tch, what he did was unspeakable. I really hope you and him consider a lot of things before getting back together.
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  #5  
May 9th, 2006, 12:52 PM
mrobinson
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I was really hesistant in responding because of some of the debates we've had... that aside, I would never wish what you are going through on ANYONE.

I am worried about you... I'm wondering how you are doing right now?
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  #6  
May 9th, 2006, 01:11 PM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
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Just checking to see how you are doing and seeing if you are still safe? Get rid of that myspace account ASAP!!! Get rid of anything that she can use to find you or contact you. Change your phone number etc. Make sure you keep copies of all emails she sends and when she leaves messages with threats, call the police. She may have had someone call you and pretend they were the police. As my DH is an officer, I can tell you that they do not call around and tell you that they are thinking about pressing charges on you.

HUGS!!

STAY SAFE!!!! and keep us updated!
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  #7  
May 9th, 2006, 04:59 PM
Poetique's Avatar Super Mommy
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Quote:
What about your husband? As much as she sounds like a real b*tch, what he did was unspeakable. I really hope you and him consider a lot of things before getting back together.[/b]
that's what i was thinking....
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  #8  
May 10th, 2006, 05:46 AM
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Quote:
Quote:
What about your husband? As much as she sounds like a real b*tch, what he did was unspeakable. I really hope you and him consider a lot of things before getting back together.[/b]
that's what i was thinking....
[/b]

I too agree with the guys 'above'. I could never and would never forgive my DH for that kinda betrayal. I just could never be happy with the constant mistrust and paranoia. I hope you work it out how you want it to be. All the best to ya!
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  #9  
May 10th, 2006, 11:50 AM
Lisadear's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
What about your husband? As much as she sounds like a real b*tch, what he did was unspeakable. I really hope you and him consider a lot of things before getting back together.[/b]
that's what i was thinking....
[/b]

I too agree with the guys 'above'. I could never and would never forgive my DH for that kinda betrayal. I just could never be happy with the constant mistrust and paranoia. I hope you work it out how you want it to be. All the best to ya!
[/b]
I walked out on my ex husband with the two babies when he went with someone else .... sorry but once the trust is broken it can't be mended ...

I don;t mean to sound harsh .... I don't like seeing persons taken advantage of in any way ...

I get along VERY well with my inlaws and I know it irritates the heck out of my ex's current SO but she gives them REAL attitude so there's a big difference.

hang in there and keep that chin up k?

xxx Lisa xxx
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  #10  
May 11th, 2006, 06:24 AM
Wendie
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Wow, I would just like to say that you are alot stronger than I am. I can't imagine what I would do if my DH was betraying me like that. I know that I keep a close eye on things because he likes to use his computer alot. Although he has never been secretive about it. Its always unlocked for me to use it. Plus, both cell phones are in my name. However, my dad had an affair on my mom in the same way so I am always cautious. I will say that you should get rid of all your accounts and start from scratch. That way she can't contact you. I would make sure DH does the same thing. And, if you are going to stay with him, I would definitely advise you to sit down and tell him that this is unacceptable. I would set down boundaries, because it is going to take forever for him to earn your trust again. And, you really don't want him to think he can walk all over you.
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  #11  
May 12th, 2006, 05:29 AM
momma6_2angels's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Since last week, not only did I have that "cop" call but I had a different one call on tuesday. He said they are pursuing telephone harrassment charges since I called her. He said there will be a warrant for me in that state. OK. I got on the sheriff's website for that county. If that guy worked for them he would of shown up in the online directory. He didn't!! Go figure!! It has gotten to where not a day goes by that i don't have someone either calling or emailing. I did clear out my myspace account. it's nothing but an empty profile for the most part (except for the gretchen wilson video homewrecker). I need to keep the emails just in case. I called my police here and they want me to call the police there but the police there want me to call mine, so I'm getting nowhere. We are looking at a home about 30 minutes from here today. We will be moving right after school gets out. I thought about talking to a police officer about a gun and permit and how to hide that stuff in the house but a friend of mine who is a police officer is weary of it so I don't forsee it happening. I think my next option is to find out just what I can do legally once someone is on my property that I deem a threat. I think these people just want to try to keep me angry just for the heck of it. I figure she is so miserable that her only retaliation is to try to hurt us. As for forgiving him, I do, but, I can't forget. He has to do alot of butt kissing and I do talk about it every day. I'm hoping to get past all this and become the couple we once were. It can be done!! Thank you all for your support.
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  #12  
May 12th, 2006, 06:34 AM
carolinagirl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 2,053
I just wanted to put my two cents in...

First of all -
The "police" thing is crap. Kudos to you for not falling for that lame trick. That skank is only harrassing you b/c she doesn't possess the one thing she wants - YOUR MAN!!! Don't back down, stand your ground. Make a log of every phone call, keep copies of every e-mail and if someone comes to your house DO NOT hesitate to call the police. This is one of the unfortunate side effects of an affair. You never know what you're getting involved with when one strays - sometimes it ends neatly and other times you have a "fatal attraction" pyscho on your hands.

Secondly -
I was once in your hubby's shoes. I had an affair over two years ago. I am here to tell you that the relationship CAN be mended, but it takes ALOT of hard work, communication, and commitment! My hubby and I have been thru it all and have come out of this a stronger couple. We went to marriage counseling with our Pastor from our church. I have to say it's what saved our marriage.

Lastly -
I personally think that moving would be a good idea. It will give you a fresh start and it will make it harder for that wench to find you. Truth be told, I would have lost it a long time ago if I were you. I would have tracked that hooker down and shown her just who she was messing with - but that's me. I admire your strength and courage in handling this situation. Good luck hon and please keep us updated!!

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  #13  
May 12th, 2006, 12:07 PM
colorcky's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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"What about your husband? As much as she sounds like a real b*tch, what he did was unspeakable. I really hope you and him consider a lot of things before getting back together."

I fully agree with everyone who has wondered this... I hope you and DH did alot (and I mean alot) of soul searching before you considered letting him back into your life. What he did was beyond unspeakable, IMO if that was my DH, I would have been filing with divorce. There would be no fixing that type of thing. Sorry
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  #14  
May 12th, 2006, 02:53 PM
mrobinson
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momma6_2angels... I'm glad to hear you are working on your marriage. If you need to vent about the progression please feel free to here. It's ok to hate him at times because it's part of the healing. I think it can be done and you have great reason to give it all you have ~ the kids. I agree with carolinagirl that it is possible to fix it with lots of work. (((positive vibes)) Hopefully some hard work, and good luck can help heal.



I respect it didn't work out for you colorcky... I can't blame anyone for throwing in the towel. Not everyone has a willing partner, circumstances that contribute to healing or whatever other things that infected the situation beyond healing.
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  #15  
May 12th, 2006, 07:12 PM
MommieinNC's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Posts: 3,119
I just want to let you know, you should actually call the police and tell them that someone is calling your house PRETENDING to be an officer threatening and harassing you... They will trace your phone records... but that person will be in DEEP crap for doing so... Impersonating an officer is (if I remember correctly) a federal crime...
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  #16  
May 13th, 2006, 06:52 AM
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Cari is very right! they will get in a whoooollle wack of trouble for that!!
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