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My Partner(Multi-rant)(very long)


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  #1  
July 13th, 2010, 12:17 PM
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1
Hope this is in the right spot.

We had our kid in Nov. 2009, he is now 8.1 months old. My partner works what you could possibly consider "full time" and I am a 24/7 SAHM. My partner works 4 days at his real job, Wednesday however is a half day so he gets off around 3PM and then has the entire day left to come spend time at home, which is totally fine. He somehow managed to work shorter days and get Wednesday setup like this due to his "second unpaid job" that he goes to Fri-Sat 2PM(takes him an hour 1/2 to get out there), to 10PM, so he gets home roughly about 11/11:30PM. I supported this second job for a while because it was his dream job, but he still has not gotten his certificate per-say and they have not given him an exact date of when he can obtain it... and he started this nearly, going on 2 years now. He tells me when he asks them about that they reply, "Just right around the corner", however right around the corner has been ongoing for months on end now. Needless to say my patience is running out. I feel like they're hanging him by a string and he will never actually get this certificate, only being used. In my mind I foresee nothing happening with this, and instead of wasting time somewhere getting no income, nor spending it with the family... well.

I have talked to him about this. I feel like he is out there having a great time considering once in a while they have a cookout or something(and what do you know... I'm never there when it happens SO), it feels as though he is getting to slack off while I slave over the house and baby. I would never tell him "It's either that place or us", but let me tell you sometimes I wish my heart were that cold... while he is out having enjoyable time I NEVER get that.

To tack on the stress there is only one car, which he has to have for his job. There is noway for me to take him back and forth because he needs it throughout the day, all the while we live pretty much in the middle of nowhere with no bus route that comes this far out. I have no friends(years of moving around has left me quite stranded), and my family is for lack of better words psychotic, and not the kind of people I even want around my child. They cause endless stress, heartbreak, and overall druggies with bad attitudes and nothing positive to give, so having a friend or family member take me somewhere is out of the question, save for one person... but I can not trust them. When I was pregnant they nearly by "accident" drove us off the road and many times within a 2 hour period nearly side-swiped other vehicles, so screw that.

I feel like a slave to this house. I am always exhausted(as I'm sure all parents are). I am not being mentally stimulated in no way or form. While I love my baby, as each day passes, I feel like I'm becoming detached, mostly because I have no social life and lets face it, you can not converse intellectually with an 8 month old. -- My sexual life? HA! I have no desire to have sex with someone who is here... but not in a good way, who never cleans, who I am beginning to see as "dirty" and "unattractive". I know having a child does things to a couple... with all the exhaustion and all, but come on. I want to have sex, but not with my partner.

I should go more into this though. He used to be so clean cut, took care of himself, ect... and while he hasn't been keeping up with it as much I still accept him. What is making him unattractive is his unwillingness to clean and whatnot. If he does it is very half-assed.... he will not clean the stove, mop the floors... if he does dishes you can guarantee you'll still see food stuck to the dishes. I am not trying to bash my partner here... I do love him... I only wish he would do a better job. I have talked to him about properly washing dishes, vacuuming the floor, ect... but he is 32 YEARS OLD. He should know this stuff... and it makes me mad.

He has a really disgusting habit as well that I have discussed with him... I'm not sure I even want to mention it because it's beyond raunchy... ah well, here it goes. He chews... yep, that's right. I don't really have a problem with it other than the fact that he will flick the remains from his fingers after getting a dip on the floor.... and if he spits it(in the sink of all places, just f*ing gross), he will get it behind the fossetts and it drives me nuts. I have brought this stuff to his attention more than once. I have tried several different approaches to try and get him to simply go outside and spit, but it never happens. He simply says "I'll do better" but I then find it a few days later all over the place... and it's just GROSS and I'm sickened by it... HE IS 32. I want to ask him "*** IS WRONG WITH YOU?" but I am not that mean... when I talk to him I approach him delicately at first, but it looks like I'm going to have to really, really put my foot down because I can not take it anymore.

Again, I love him... despite this disgusting habit. And also again, I don't mind that he chews, I only wish he would do a better job at not getting it everywhere... because I'm sure plenty would agree it is disturbing and not the way you should treat your home(especially the home your wife cleans daily, heh).

I do feel unappreciated. I cook every day, I clean every day, and do all of the child rearing. Enough is enough, and I'm also tired of never getting to go anywhere.

I don't necessarily need advice this was merely a rant. I feel much better now... sure I left out some stuff but this is the bulk of our issues.

Coming back to add about the car. That is MY car, I'm being gracious enough to let him use it since has been in the shop for the past 3/4 months because supposedly they can't find a part for his which killed over. All I can say is BS, I'm so ready to pull the plug on him with car access and make him do a carpool thing with someone if possible. I think this would be a good idea. - Wait it isn't... because he needs it throughout the day so we can pay bills and have dinner on the table every night. Well **** me.

Last edited by Thegroove; July 13th, 2010 at 12:27 PM.
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  #2  
July 14th, 2010, 02:09 PM
Kalia20's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: ontario canada
Posts: 5,884
You life is similar to mine. Anyways. I think it's time he wakes up and smells the roses, two years is long enough for free labour.
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  #3  
July 17th, 2010, 07:58 PM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 14,873
(((HUGS))) I agree, its time for him to tell them either give the certification or he is moving on to someplace else that he can get it. What is the certification for? Sounds like he is taking you for granted and expecting maid service out of you to clean up after his nasty habits.
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