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Dating---sick of "breaking up"


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  #1  
May 18th, 2006, 09:30 AM
bcmomma's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 364
Okay, so I'm trying my best to get out there and be dating. Since the m/c I've been a lot more guarded and somewhat more picky. So twice now, I've seen a guy a few times, and then just KNOW he's not the one, or someone I want to get more serious with, so I've had to make that confrontation of "I don't feel the same way" or "I don't want to see you anymore". Each time I've tried to be as kind and gentle about it as possible. It's just so difficult, though, because I don't like upsetting people. The first time wasn't so bad, he just never wants to talk to me again, and he was hurt. The second time, the guy gave me a lot of flack, and was very angry.

It honestly is just making me feel even MORE guarded and definitely more afraid to be dating, because I don't want to meet someone else and have to do that again. I don't think there's anything wrong with not wanting to waste my time in a relationship that I know I won't be happy in. If I don't feel comfortable, safe, and really into the person, I think it's best not to drag it out. I have in the past, thinking it will get better, and it's only made things harder.

And I mean, this isn't SO bad, because really, they'll ###### at me, or be upset, but then pretty much leave me alone. However, I still end up feeling like a mean ######, or a "heartbreaker", lol. And it's brutal going into dates thinking about their endings instead of being hopeful for the beginning.

Just wondering if anyone else is dating, or has experienced anything like this and has advice?
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  #2  
May 18th, 2006, 11:19 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 2,780
There is nothing wrong with what you're doing.
If you go on one or two or three dates with someone and then decide you don't really enjoy their company, that is your call. Why someone would give you a hard time is beyond me.

One way to avoid being confrontational is to simply not volunteer any info about yourself until three or four dates later. No phone number, no last name, no adress. If you have a favorite coffee shop or restaurant you can just meet up there. If you decide not to see them again, then at the end of your date just say goodbye and get into your car.
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  #3  
May 18th, 2006, 11:26 AM
carolinagirl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 2,053
Hey! Dating sucks, huh? I remember those days!! When I first met my DH, I was also seeing someone else at the time. I didn't want anything serious b/c I had just gotten divorced a year prior. When I realized I had more chemistry with my DH (then boyfriend) I had to break it off with the other guy. So, I went out on one last date with Brandon. The entire night felt so forced and I knew I had to break it off with him. I didn't want to lead him on or hurt his feelings, but pretending that there could be something more just wasn't going to happen. At the end of the date he asked me if everything was alright, because I had been acting funny all evening. I finally had to be honest and tell him that I liked him but I didn't share the same feelings he had for me and that it wouldn't be fair to either of us if I strung him along hoping one day I'll develop the same feelings. He promptly told me he didn't mind that he would wait! I then had to tell him that there wasn't any chemistry and I didn't have ANY romantic feelings for him. He started to cry and I had to get out of the truck. He never spoke to me again.

I know breaking it off with someone is NEVER easy. Someone always gets their feelings hurt. It's the nature of the dating game unfortunately. If you don't date around, you'll never find the right person for you! Don't sell yourself short because you don't want to hurt Johnny's feelings. They'll get over it and realize that you just weren't right for one another. The only thing I would do differently is be VERY honest & up front with what you want/expect out of the "relationship". That way no one invests too much time and you limit the hurt feelings.

This was also a dating tip that I went by: In the early stages of dating, I always went on dates in the middle of the week. Go to dinner, or go get dessert & coffee. Something very low key so neither feels stressed about making a good first impression. If you don't hit it off your weekend isn't ruined and you can still make plans for something fun. If you do hit it off you can go ahead and make plans for a follow up date - i.e. bowling, roller skating (I know sounds kiddish but it's super fun) or miniture golf. Pick an activity that has some contact, that's fun but you're not totally pressured to sit and hold an entire conversation. How akward is the dead slience when the convo suddenly dies?!?! Just remember to keep it fun, light and in the middle of the week and you can't go wrong!

Good Luck!
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  #4  
May 19th, 2006, 04:00 AM
appifanie's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: NY
Posts: 1,962
i have no advice, i've never dated "normally." i tend to meet a guy, think he's the right one and live w/ him for awhile. doh.

have you seen the cell phone commercial where the girl tells the guy she loves him to scare him away?
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  #5  
May 19th, 2006, 09:29 AM
bcmomma's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 364
Quote:
i have no advice, i've never dated "normally." i tend to meet a guy, think he's the right one and live w/ him for awhile. doh.
[/b]
This USED to happen....I wouldn't move in with them, but I would meet a guy and just right away be boyfriend and girlfriend because they seemed like the right one. I honestly liked that better than this "dating" crap. It sure would be nice to have a boyfriend again!
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  #6  
May 19th, 2006, 11:37 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 826
I dont think theres anything wrong with this... before i met my dh i would give each guy 3 dates if he wanted to conitnue them.. it dind't matter how they looked or anything like that.. as long as they treated me fairly then i gave them 3 dates.. if by the 3rd date i wasn't feeling it i would break it off.. the sooner the better. JMO[
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