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The HARDEST decision I will ever have to make!


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  #21  
December 17th, 2010, 05:08 AM
Chunky Monkey's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Jenn, I am doing ok actually. Some days are harder than others. Especially when my ex texts Rob (he doesn't have MY cell number) and asks almost every day when we want to see him. Last thing we sent him was hopefully he got a letter from my attorney to his.

I respect the honesty of the 2 ladies. But I am going to have to say I just need to do what is best for this family, even if it is the road less traveled. In the end, I knew I did everything I could. I fought as hard as I could. I have no more fight to give. And I am not about to lose my family because my ex is bound and determined to ruin my life in the hopes I'll come back to him if my relationship with Rob fails.
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  #22  
December 17th, 2010, 05:22 PM
pink_piggy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I know I do not know you or your situation, but what you are going through definitely sounds like a horrible situation for all involved. I will not tell you what you should/shouldn't do as I have no right. No judging here, just lots of *hugs*
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  #23  
December 18th, 2010, 07:36 PM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
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Posts: 14,873
Have you talked to you Cody? I am sure that was not an easy thing to do for you. I hope you all can have the chance to heal and put your lives back together and everyone move forward.
  #24  
December 19th, 2010, 12:15 PM
*Dayna*'s Avatar Aussie Mama
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I'm not being mean, but I can't for the life of me work out why you're giving up your rights to a child you carried, gave birth to and then cared for.

I think you need to think more on this, this is your child.
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  #25  
December 28th, 2010, 11:18 PM
challowell's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Caldwell, Ohio
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I am going to tel you the sad truth

My parents went through a messy diorce when I was 8. It was an abusive,controlling relationship. I started wetting myself and acting out because My Dad told me that if I did not then I would never see him again. He took me from my mothers home when we had a babysitter watching us and tod the woman mom was going to pick us up at his place. I did not see my Mom for two weeks after that. I went through a lot of mental abuse from my Father and the Problems you describe him haing Mirror Mine. I know mental abuse leaes no Physical scars but it does leae mental ones.

I loe my kids with all my heart and seeing this dramatic of a behaior change tells me he IS being abused. I would fight for him with all you got. I know the EX is making your Life Living nightmare but your son may be stuck in one now.

I don't want you to feel like I am criticizing you. I am just concerned about his safety.
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  #26  
January 13th, 2011, 02:24 AM
Karlie's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I am SO sorry that you are having such a hard time right now but it scares me that you are sending your child to live with somebody who was abusive towards you, and therefore has the capacity to be abusive towards others. Parenting is the hardest job in the world and it horrifies me that you have looked for help with Cody's behavioural issues and haven't been able to find any. That sucks. But you don't get to just quit being a parent! Cody sounds like a confused little boy who's had a lot of changes in his life in such a short time. If I were you I'd be seriously worried about what adding being abandoned by his mother will do to him. You say you want wants best for your family, but are you thinking of Cody? He's your family too? What is his father going to do if he can't cope either?
Go to the CPS, tell them you're not coping and beg for help, find another psychologist, write to the media about the lack of support... DO SOMETHING! Please don't give up on your precious baby boy. His behavior may seem abhorrant to you but he is the innocent one here. ♥
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  #27  
January 13th, 2011, 02:42 AM
MindyRambo's Avatar Super Mommy
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I can't imagine how hard it is for you, but I have to agree with the last few posters. Don't give up on your child.
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  #28  
January 13th, 2011, 07:20 AM
MrsAndMommy
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At the risk of sounding worse than everyone else, the way your siggy is just your youngest son and new husband...I'd think you've decided to start over like my father did. It messed me up for good but I kind of feel like you don't have your son's best interests at heart. Just like everyone else, I think he's being abused. Sometimes parenting is hard but that's kind of the decision you make when you choose to have a baby and getting re-married doesn't really relinquish that responsibility from you.....
  #29  
January 13th, 2011, 08:30 PM
Mom2M&S's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Dayna~ View Post
I'm not being mean, but I can't for the life of me work out why you're giving up your rights to a child you carried, gave birth to and then cared for.

I think you need to think more on this, this is your child.
I completely agree Dayna. I am at a complete and total loss here and quite frankly sickened after reading your posts.

You said yourself that living with your ex was a life of abuse and what sounds like a living hell, yet you don't have a problem allowing your son to live in this situation. It makes me very, very sad reading your post. Your son is very obviously having serious issues which could very possibly be stemming from abuse at his father's house and you are washing your hands of him?


The signs are written very blatantly on the wall for you-he needs help, NOT abandonment.
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  #30  
January 14th, 2011, 06:26 AM
MrsAndMommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom2M&S View Post
I completely agree Dayna. I am at a complete and total loss here and quite frankly sickened after reading your posts.

You said yourself that living with your ex was a life of abuse and what sounds like a living hell, yet you don't have a problem allowing your son to live in this situation. It makes me very, very sad reading your post. Your son is very obviously having serious issues which could very possibly be stemming from abuse at his father's house and you are washing your hands of him?


The signs are written very blatantly on the wall for you-he needs help, NOT abandonment.
^THIS.

I tried to even avoid disagreeing because in your first post, you say not to...but you also say to put ourselves in your shoes. I did...and I couldn't get this off of my mind when I read it the first time...to the point of asking on my own Facebook what others would do in this situation. No one said "Get rid of my child". :/
  #31  
January 14th, 2011, 09:51 AM
Mom2M&S's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Tiffany, I went to sleep last night thinking about this poor boy as well.

There is a serious problem when an 8 year old suddenly starts wetting the bed and peeing his pants, yet this is one of the big reasons listed as giving him up?? It makes me sick to my stomach.
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Last edited by Mom2M&S; January 14th, 2011 at 10:09 AM.
  #32  
January 14th, 2011, 10:21 AM
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Not judge? Are you KIDDING?

Those are reasons to give a dang DOG away! Even then...

I for one am utterly disgusted. IMO? Mama wants to be with new man and their kiddo - happy family of 3.

That poor boy. You don't deserve him.
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  #33  
January 14th, 2011, 11:11 AM
Mom2M&S's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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[QUOTE=Chunky Monkey;22347708]


I was with his dad for almost 11 years. It was a horrible, abusive, loveless, dead end marriage. I tried like hell to make things work with him. I truly did. I had 2 kids from previous and in the course of the marriage, we had a son. Cody.

Where are your other 2 children? If being with your ex was horrible, abusive and loveless, WHY would you send your son to live with him??


Then it happened. The court granted visitation of Cody with my ex. I tried as hard as I could to fight it. I either wanted sole custody of Cody or supervised visitation. My attorney refused to even argue my case for me. He said the courts hear these things all the time and while my case was legit and I have proof, they can't decide what's a true concern and what isn't because they hear so much BS from other people. I remember crying to my attorney in a private room, BEGGING him to do something. He said he couldn't do anything. I'm sure he could. I told him this was going to end badly and that this is the worst thing that could happen. He assured me everything was going to be ok. Riiiiiiight.

Again I ask...and you now have no problem sending Cody to live with this man? How does one go from begging for him to only have supervised visitation to giving their child to him?


He was sneaking food in his room and leaving banana peels and wrappers in there. We took everything out of his room except his mattress, bedding and clothes. He was grounded to his room for a month. He was allowed to come out to eat, get something to drink, use the restroom, bathe and go to school. The rest of the time he was in his room <hopefully> thinking about what he did wrong.

Seriously?? Grounding an 8 year old and leaving him in his room with nothing but a bed for a month is completely abuse all in itself!!! Where in the hell did you learn your parenting skills from?? Jesus ****** Christ! FYI-I have a 14 year old and still find hidden wrappers in her room on occassion-not the end of the flipping planet.

Around his birthday, his grounding was up. We had a party for Cody. He was doing ok. For about 4 days. One night, Rob let him sit in the "man den" which is our heated shed and watch a movie he had been looking forward to on TV. He kept coming in every 5 minutes to tell me this or that about the movie. Never once did he use the bathroom. Rob went outside and realized Cody was soaked all the way down to his feet. He also realized his recliner was soaked. Yep, Cody was too lazy to get up to go to the bathroom and had urinated all over himself and the shed.

Hellooooooooo.....A HUGE sign of sexual abuse.

At the same time, we noticed a foul smell coming from his room. Upon further investigating, we realized he was peeing the bed and had torn apart his mattress to hide toys in it from us. We threw away that mattress and now he sleeps on Wyatt's old crib mattress, since we co-sleep with Wyatt. Before he tore the mattress up and urinated all over it, the mattress was in PERFECT condition.

Refer to what I said above.

So the behavior issues were continuing. I had also been trying to get him some help. I tried our county MR/DD. We were denied because he only met 2 out of the 3 criteria for services through them. Remember the child services caseworker who said if we needed anything else to call her? I did. Her solution was to call our pediatrician who does not do anything with behavior issues and does not even prescribe meds for ADD/ADHD. Their solution was to take him to the developmental pediatrician I had taken Cody to when he was 3 because the regular pediatrician thought he might be autistic. This doctor was essentially useless in the past. I really had nowhere else that would deal with children this age for mental health. I also called the school guidance counselor who said for me to call the pediatrician Back to square one.

Frankly- you have failed your son in every sense of the word. As a mother, it is our JOB to fight for our kids-period!!! If 1 person doesn't offer help, we try somewhere else...and we don't stop until help is found. Your son needs serious counseling.


The allegations are: we LOCK Cody in his bedroom,

Don't you??


Yesterday I received a letter from my attorney. With it is a filing by opposing counsel for a guardian ad litem to be appointed for Cody because Cody has "expressed" to the school allegations of abuse and neglect. A hearing for the matter has been set for January 14, 2011. So that means while all this is going on, it's going to prolong the divorce even more!

Your son is having serious problems and all you are concerned with is that your divorce keeps getting pushed back. Praise GOD that the school called officials and that Cody is being given a guardian ad litem.

I now realize I can't live like this. The rest of my family can't live like this. I have other children to think about. I have a fiance to think about.

You have an 8 year old son named Cody to think about as well.


Whether I have custody and my ex has visitation or he has custody and I have visitation...my ex is still going to be able to mess with me and my life through Cody. He's never going to get over me. He wants to see my life and relationship with Rob crumble. He thinks doing this I have no choice but to go back to him.

So in essence, you are putting Rob ahead of your own flesh and blood baby boy that you carried for 9 months. I'm sorry...no...I'm not...you make me ****** sick.


Like I said, please don't bash me. Don't judge me. I just needed to get this out and tell someone. I don't have any family I can talk to. And I don't want someone trying to talk me out of this either.


I have been a very nice and polite member of JM since the beginning of my pregnancy in 2009, turning my head to many posts that I thought were wrong. This one however is beyond anything I could ever imagine as a mom and I keep coming back to it, hurting for your little boy. If I get banned or reprimanded for speaking my mind to the likes of you-so be it, it is well worth it You don't deserve to call yourself a mother. .
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  #34  
January 14th, 2011, 11:47 AM
Nicole1110's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Posts: 11,832
I second everything the previous poster stated.

Erasing your son from your life is reprehensible to say the least. I don't know how a mother could possibly give up on their child like this. Cody needs to be removed from both households and placed with a REAL family who will love him unconditionally and find him the help he obviously needs. God forbid your youngest child ever acts out. When parenting gets hard, will you send him away too? Shame on you.
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  #35  
January 14th, 2011, 12:35 PM
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I third everything MOM2M&S said too.

Good job mama.
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  #36  
January 14th, 2011, 04:09 PM
peace.love.audrey
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  #37  
January 14th, 2011, 05:34 PM
MrsAndMommy
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Several of my friends said they wish they had the proper information to report both families. This poor boy needs to find loving parents
  #38  
January 14th, 2011, 06:34 PM
r&lsmama
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this makes me sick....that poor child
  #39  
January 14th, 2011, 07:38 PM
morgankaedenmadisonsmommy's Avatar Beyond Blessed
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I totally agree with everything Tammy (Mom2M&S) said. She said exactly what I was thinking.

Cody needs a mom. One that will love, help and protect him.
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  #40  
January 14th, 2011, 08:59 PM
*Jennifer*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Bravo to Mom2M&S! You put into words what I could not.

How can a mother send her son to live with a man who was abusive during the marriage?
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Last edited by *Jennifer*; January 14th, 2011 at 09:55 PM.
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