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All I wanted was a phone call


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  #1  
June 4th, 2006, 08:09 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Charleston, SC
Posts: 3,145
My dh has been on deployment since Jan, he comes home June 11th, which I know isn't very far away, but for the past 4 weeks I have been begging for a phone call from him. I REALLY need his support right now and I don't want to explain everything in an email. I had a mc in Feb and now there could be some problems and I have to go for all this testing and it is scarey and there is some possibilities that it could prevent us from having children. I wanted him to call me, which he has been able to for the past MONTH, but he doesn't seem to hear my pleas of urgency in my "voice". Like this whole deployment I have gotten 3 phone calls! That's it.
And now I just feel like sitting here and crying. Or even better, not to be standing on the pier when he comes home on Sunday. He doesn't seem to want to be here for me, so why should I be there for him? He didn't even call when he found out that I mc, granted the phones were down that week, but the ##### could have called when they went back up. And everyone keeps telling me, maybe this is just how he is dealing with his grief. Well - ##### his grief! What about ME?!?! And that sounds selfish, but he is gone or 6 or 7 months at a time and I have to keep everything going here, and all I need is a little #%*$ support. No- instead I am going to end up crying myself to sleep tonite because he is a ###### #####!
Thanks for letting me vent. I really needed to get that off of my chest.
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  #2  
June 5th, 2006, 06:52 AM
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: New York
Posts: 4,307
I am so sorry you are going through this. I know how stressful it can be worrying if you can have children, it took me a long time to conceive and every day of every month was a tense 24 hours.

Maybe he really just can't get to you, you are very stressed and may be taking this personal. I would hope to think that if he were there with you, you would not be treated this way.

I can't really offer you more than a hug and a hope that things start getting better for you on June 11th!!
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  #3  
June 5th, 2006, 07:17 AM
carolinagirl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 2,053
I hear your frustration hon, because I am a military spouse myself. When my DH was deployed to Bosnia for 10 months I got maybe 5-6 phone calls from him. The lines were really long and because he wasn't on night rotation everyone that wasn't on "duty" were down at the phone center. When DH went to Iraq for 18 months he called more b/c he was on night & day rotations for patrols so it was easier to get to the phone center, plus we talked online more than anything. You've got to understand that your DH is deployed with a lot of troops that are sharing facilities. I know it's not what you want hear. Trust me, your DH wants to be home just as badly as you want him home. I know it's hard and a very scary time. I went thru a M/C while DH was deployed to Iraq and I went thru it alone. Men just deal with things differently than women do. Women want comforting and need to be held close and told everything is going to be ok - Men just chug a few beers and cry silently to theirselves. They don't express their feelings very well, and most shut down w/out ever showing any real emotion. It's how they deal with things. Your DH also may not know what to say to try to comfort you. He knows that if he was there that he could hold you and wipe your tears away, but being so far away he probably feels helpless. Try not to be so hard on him, ok. Try not to be so hard on yourself. You always have a shoulder to lean on here and anytime you need to talk I'm always here for you. (((BIG HUGS)))

Take care hon, and keep us posted on how you're doing!!
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Tracey (34)


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  #4  
June 6th, 2006, 10:33 AM
whitlovesoak's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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how are you feeling today? any better? june 11th will be here soon and i hope you are both very excited to see eachother by then! good luck keep us updated!
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  #5  
June 7th, 2006, 06:15 AM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
Join Date: Mar 2004
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Only a few more days to go! What have you decided to do? Are you going to meet him or not?
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  #6  
June 9th, 2006, 05:25 AM
appifanie's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: NY
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Quote:
Men just deal with things differently than women do. Women want comforting and need to be held close and told everything is going to be ok - Men just chug a few beers and cry silently to theirselves. They don't express their feelings very well, and most shut down w/out ever showing any real emotion. It's how they deal with things. Your DH also may not know what to say to try to comfort you. He knows that if he was there that he could hold you and wipe your tears away, but being so far away he probably feels helpless.[/b]
I was going to give a cranky reply, but this is very true . . . My DH hasn't been deployed yet while we've been officially together, but he is leaving for training for 6 weeks and I'm freaked b/c my one other pg ended in a stillbirth, and I would like to think that he'd call and be wonderful and consoling, but really, I guess that isn't very realistic of me . . . I can more accurately imagining him sort of grunting at me, you know?

I would go meet him just b/c I'd feel like a real %$(# if I didn't, you know? Go and be there but see if he makes any good first moves (like a big hug or being thrilled to see you or whatever).

And I'm sorry about your mc!! *hug*
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  #7  
June 9th, 2006, 06:33 AM
carolinagirl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Norfolk, VA
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stowers2k3 - I hope you're doing ok, hon! Have you decided on what you're going to do?? Keep us posted, we're all thinking about ya!! (((BIG HUGS)))


Appifanie - It's true, men just deal differently with emotions than women. We can cry on each other's shoulders and get some comforting and know that they we understand! Men, almost will never cry in front of one another unless it's so bad that they can't bare to hold it in. Men think they need to be tough and strong and crying makes them weaker in our eyes. Which is totally not true, I find a man that is strong enough to cry in front of me when things are truly sad is touching - it tells me that they're human and they hurt just like we do. Also, who's to say that once he was back in his barracks that he didn't break down and cry. I know for instance when my Dad passed away while my DH was deployed to Iraq and I left him an IM on his yahoo account to call me ASAP. When I finally spoke to him to let him know that red cross was going to be bringing him home on emergency leave for my Dad's funeral he didn't break down, but once he was back in his room he lost it.

I just hope that my previous post didn't offend anyone - I was trying to offer a different view point and I'm sorry if I did offend anyone. If you've never dealt with a lenghtly deployment your DH can't just stop in the middle of whatever he's doing to run to the phone center (althought that's probably what he rather be doing than going out on patrols), especially when they're rotating home. They're busy cleaning up gear, turning in equipment, and getting things ready for the next rotation of troops to take over - it's a big, long, drawn out process. I thought that they could call if they really wanted too and that I thought that he forgot about me. Which totally wasn't the case, he just didn't have the time to call. I didn't hear from my DH from the time he left his base camp in Iraq til he reach their layover in Germany - almost 3 weeks!!! I didn't understand the way things worked when I was going thru it - but now that he's been home and he's shared some of his experiences with me I have a better understanding of what they're doing over there. If you ever need to talk to another military spouse, I am always here to listen! ((HUGS))
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Tracey (34)


GOD, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference ~ Amen.








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  #8  
June 12th, 2006, 07:30 AM
carolinagirl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Norfolk, VA
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Just wondering how everything went yesterday?!?! I've been thinking about yas and hope everything is ok - when you get a chance update us on what's going on!!!

(((HUGS)))
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Tracey (34)


GOD, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference ~ Amen.








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