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New here and so frustrated with the ex-wife


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  #1  
March 1st, 2011, 06:05 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Calgary
Posts: 176
Hello, I am new here and am having some trouble with my fiance's ex wife and I just don't know what to do anymore. I have two step-daughters aged 13 and 10 and there mom is a bi-polar control obsessed woman who has been giving us he** for almost 6 years now. But I am finally at my last straw and so ready to quit the whole thing.

Long story short, she has some personal issues with me that she won't address and keeps denying but it comes out in what she says to me. Things have been going pretty well with the kids (we have them every other week) and she's totally thrown a jackhammer into our lives. I am totally untrusting of the kids now and what they are telling her and feel like now I have to watch what I say really carefully because they will repeat everything to her. They told her that we called her bi-polar ( just used it as a definition not in a bad character bashing way) and she's freaking out about it, saying we are irrisponsible, immature, selfish. She has always judged how I was as a step-mom to her kids and picked apart everything that we do.
I sent her a PM on FB last night telling her that I don't know why she feels like she can't be honest about why she doesn't like me and that I am here to talk, offered to have a sit down with her and was very mature about it and she still keeps bringing up stuff from the past and creating these scenarios...

The last month I have been doing the Landmark Education forum and follow up sessions which is supposed to help me learn to deal with these kinds of break-downs. I created a possibility to have an honest kind of friendship with her and to stop being afraid to talk to her and to forgive her for what she's said in the past but so far I'm finding it very hard dealing with her. I am so angry and I am trying not to let it get to me but it's so hard when she's constantly judging me. I don't do it to her. I can understand things from her POV but i am not a bad person, I am not doing horrible things to her kids. It's very easy for her to take what they have said (which has also probably been twisted) and turn that into something nasty towards me and DH. I have given everything for this family and given everything for those children but it's just not enough. I love my fiance but I am about ready to walk away
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  #2  
March 5th, 2011, 01:11 PM
Kalia20's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: ontario canada
Posts: 5,890
And what has your SO done or said about this woman treating you this way? Does he know you're ready to walk? If hes done nothing, he needs to step up. You are not abusing his children in any way, and she needs to have her place known. And thats out of your relationship. And to stop being an........immature brat and putting the kids in the middle. That's not fair to them. Sounds like she wants him back.
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  #3  
March 8th, 2011, 06:13 AM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 14,873
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kalia20 View Post
And what has your SO done or said about this woman treating you this way? Does he know you're ready to walk? If hes done nothing, he needs to step up. You are not abusing his children in any way, and she needs to have her place known. And thats out of your relationship. And to stop being an........immature brat and putting the kids in the middle. That's not fair to them. Sounds like she wants him back.
DITTO!! I would say depending on what he has said about it all and his actions would be the breaker of the deal for me. I have BTDT sort of dealing with a crazy ex, but at least DH was on my side. If he had not been, then I can 100% say we wouldn't have lasted.
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  #4  
March 11th, 2011, 08:01 PM
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 11
Wow, sorry you are going through this!
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  #5  
April 20th, 2011, 09:35 PM
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Delano,MN
Posts: 12
Yeah I have to agree. Regardless of what he's said or didn't say, it's time for HIM to put a stop to this. Hope it gets better for you!!
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  #6  
April 20th, 2011, 10:02 PM
MammaHutch
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Posts: n/a
I totally agree. A woman can only take so much, especially from an ex-wife. That is like playing with fire. You seem like a very sweet, mature and responsible person and by no means are you being mean at all to those children. I would have a serious talk with your fiance and address all these issues and tell him you feel like walking and see what he says and take it from there. If he does not step up OR takes it as a "joke" (like we all know some men do) I would get real stern with him and let him know you mean serious business. His ex to me sounds like a jealous person and cannot except that fact that her ex husband has moved on and it is her duty to manipulate any happiness that comes his way. In my opinion (I have been there) you need to nip this in the butt and be on top and have control.

I wish you well.
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  #7  
June 5th, 2011, 09:25 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Cleveland, Ohio
Posts: 82
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She sounds personality disordered to me, a little borderline personality disorder..sometimes BPD is misdiagnosed as bi-polar..she is a saboteur...either way your partner needs to establish real clear boundaries to keep her in line
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