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After 6 mths of TTC we stopped. We've been preventing for the past 2mths and it hurts. I can't handle the BFN's every month and b/c of my Bipolar, it made it worse on me emotionally. I felt like i wasn't blessed with another child, b/c of my bipolar. Then my to be hubby found out he has a low sperm count and it drove me insane trying to understand it's going to take even longer. it was not fair and i swear if one more person says it will happen give it time i'll pull my hair out and scream!!!! Every time i go down the baby aisle to get hand soap. i long to buy a pack of diapers, some formula, binky's etc... When i go shopping at Target or Walmart, i buy baby clothes, i can't help it. I've been collecting reborns for 1 yr and 1/2 as a comfort. We can't try b/c of our Carowinds trip in July. there are rides and you can't go on if pregnant. Then my in law's surprised us with a trip to disney and universal. i'm excited, but then that's 6 more months of waiting. i've thought of plans like TTC from after i get my period in June to oct and if i'm not pregnant. prevent from oct to nov. then TTC when we are down in FL. Then i thought omg if i get pregnant before the disney trip i'm screwed i'll be watching everyone go on the rides and not me why is life so complicated! ugh... how do i find a happy medium. i've been working out at the gym 2x a week. i've been going outside every day. i've been spending time with my family. i'm missing my mom and my bro, they are in OK. b/c kris has to finish his college semester and my mother needed a break from NY. i wish i could have gone. i need a vacation. it's coming in two months. i should be happy. I am ok with is NC trip. i'm iffy about this FL trip. i wanna tell them, maybe next yr. but then who know's if we'll be able to do this ever. We have our wedding to save for and our honeymoon. forget even saving for a house. we want to rent for awhile it's cheaper. i feel overwhelmed, depressed , upset. i don't want to take anti depressants on top on my bipolar meds. maybe i have to go up to 100mgs. i'm on 75mgs. i'm just feeling very upset. i wish that things would get better for me. i hope they will soon. i can't stop thinking about wanting a baby and it's driving me insane. i hate waiting. i hate the fact that my fiance' doesn't even want to go b/c he doesn't want to take time off work. we've been getting better at communicating. He's been spending more time with our son.he told me, he's been overwhelmed. he told me he wants a baby, but is willing to wait 6 mths. i wish he could understand me....i would like to understand him...so i said i'd like you to be more open and he said he'd try. i'm glad we always are willing to compromise and work on our issues.