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So Upset With Bio Father! **UPDATE**


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  #1  
June 20th, 2006, 11:46 PM
Chunky Monkey's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Sylvania Township, Ohio
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OK I got on MySpace this evening and lo and behold....there is a message from my daughter's bio father.

He basically told me that I kept my daughter away from him, he and his wife want to see her, blah blah blah.

So I sent a message back. I told him that it is HER decision, I have NEVER once told her she couldn't see him. And here is why she doesn't want to see him:
*when she is over there, she spends NO time with him, she is ALWAYS with her step-mother and 2
half-brothers.
*her half-brother over there threatened her with a knife & when she went and told, they called her a liar
*her step-mother whom she barely knows has threatened to spank her
*bio father & step-mother gets upset because my daughter calls her father by his 1st name instead of
calling him "dad." Well, I am sorry but that title is reserved for the man who has raised her for the last
EIGHT out of her 10 years.

I told him how he was missing out on such a remarkable little girl turning into a beautiful young woman.

When she saw him again after almost 4 years in 2004 she told him that was his last chance, if he hurt her again, she was done.

I have had conversations with her about this. I have told her that if she decides she wants to see him again, I will be more than happy to take her over there. But SHE is the one who has refused.

I saw what my mother did, keeping my sisters away from my dad. I lived with my dad but he hasn't even seen my sisters since 1992. So that is why I am trying not to be mean about this. I resent my mom for what she did with my sisters, I don't want my daughter resenting me.

Also, I told him he knows where we live (less than 2 miles from him) and he has made no effort. Also, he doesn't pay his child support like he is supposed to and at almost 11 years old her expenses are going up.

So I told him the ball is in his court. If he wants to see her, HE needs to make the first move to see her.

Also, let me explain that there is NO court-ordered visitation. He has never petitioned. So all those times he has come in and out of her life, I have been the nice person to let her go.

So I am just fuming when he says something so totally stupid like that & he doesn't even know anything.


**UPDATE**
Sorry I didn't do this before but we had some horrendous (sp?) thunderstorms last night and lost power. A bolt of lightning struck the transformer directly across the street from my house and caught fire. Power was restored this evening.

Yesterday morning bio father came to my door and asked me what happened with the knife incident. Her brother swears up and down it never happened. Well after 2 years he might have forgotten because he was 6 when it happened and my DD was 8. Then he said he had receipts to show he pays his child support every week so I told him HE needs to call the CSA and find out why I am not getting it if he pays it every week. So we were talking about Marissa & how she is doing.
Her step-mother gets out of the van & starts SCREAMING at me about I had no right to send that e-mail back to HER computer and I am ruining HER life by having a child with her husband. I told her she was disrespecting me at my house and if she did not stop screaming at me, I was going to call the police. And excuuuuse me for having a child with him, my daughter was here WAYYYY before her and their sons were. She also swears up and down she never threatened to touch Marissa, which I find it hard to believe but whatever.
Bio dad tells me he has never gotten as upset as Marissa has said about her not calling him "dad" but I seem to recall 2 years ago him saying it was so wrong that she was calling another man "dad", even though my DH has raised her since she was 2 years old.

I told BOTH of them that if I ever find out either of them lay a hand on her or lets her brother harm her in ANY way, they will both regret it.

My daughter now does not remember all the details of what happened back then. She said she wants to put it behind her but she said HE needs to make the first move and this is his VERY LAST chance. If he hurts her again, she never wants to see him again.

I am hoping that some things change because my daughter is one of the most remarkable little girls I have ever met! She is sweet and caring but also has very fragile feelings. I want her to have a relationship with her father but I also want what is best for her, even if it does mean no relationship. If he hurts her again by jumping out of her life, I am going to call the shots from here on out. I don't want my daughter crying for weeks because she wants to see her father but she feels resented in that house by her step-mom and stuff.
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  #2  
June 21st, 2006, 06:15 AM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
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I commend you for being the bigger person and for keeping things to where it is in your daughter's hands on whether or not she sees him. I do not see where she is going to resent you for that at all, you have left it all up to her, she is only going to resent him. To be honest, I think even if he does put forth an effort to see her, then it needs to be at your house, and him only. If she was threatened with a knife, there is no way in heck that I would let her back over at that house and if the step mommy has also made threats to her. He needs to start paying child support and seeing his daughter at your house for the time and once he can show some stability and that he really does want a relationship with her, then maybe allow for other visits.
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  #3  
June 21st, 2006, 09:14 PM
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He is one of those ppl who have a brick wall around their brain. There is NO USE in talking to him. He will simply deny every thing you say and call you a liar and tell you that you are making all that stuff up about your daughter. You will not get through to him that he is the idiot. The only thing you can do is roll your eyes, say w/e man.... and then leave it up to him to make a move or your daughter. No use getting stuck in a useless argument that only makes you mad....he's only doing it to start a fight.

I hope it all gets worked out!! **HUGS**
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  #4  
June 21st, 2006, 10:28 PM
*Stacey*'s Avatar life=laundry
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Location: Ontario, Canada
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I'm sorry you have to deal with such a butt head. You have obviously raised your daughter very well. At her age, knowing what kind of *man* he is, and how bad it is in her life, and to make such a grown up decision.

(((HUGS)))
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  #5  
June 22nd, 2006, 10:14 AM
M4NE's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I commend you for letting your DD make up her own mind about whether or not to see her dad. I totally agree with in_mommy....I wouldn't allow my DD to visit him in his home, he would have to come to you. What a tough situation for your DD to be in, but she is blessed to have such a loving mom and dad (your DH sounds like he IS her dad, bio or not!!) to support her. Best of luck to all of you!!
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  #7  
June 22nd, 2006, 11:32 PM
Chunky Monkey's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
I applaud that you have let your daugther chose what she wants to do. I highly doubt a then 8 year old would make up the knife situation and as for the wife how dare she say that, um excuse me you and your daugther were in his life before her so she needs to stay out of it

((((HUGS))))[/b]

Aww thank you. I am glad some people think I am doing the right thing. Of course my mom suggests to me I should dictate the thing from the start but my daughter is such a responsible girl, I think I will leave it up to her. I am not like my own mother.

As far as his wife, I pretty much told her the same thing and she knew he had a child with me and if she didn't like it, she didn't have to get involved with him. My daughter still resents the fact that she was supposed to be the flower girl in their wedding but HER and HER FAMILY didn't even want Marissa there so she was shunned from the entire thing.

Another thing I forgot to mention I brought up to them is that they have 2 sons together, no girls. Marissa is basically Jenny's "barbie doll" because she wants to fix her hair and put her in frilly things. My daughter is not like that, she is 100% tomboy. If she wants a girl to do those things to, she needs to have her own daughter. Now my daughter will dress up and wear her hair up if the occasion is right (like my SIL's upcoming wedding). But not just for fun.
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  #8  
June 22nd, 2006, 11:32 PM
ladyellise's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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You are a very patient and kind person to put up with all this BS!! It should definately be your daughters decision whether she wants to see her bio father or not. I'm sorry you have to deal with that I can only imagine how hard and irritating that would be! Best wishes
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  #9  
June 22nd, 2006, 11:43 PM
Chunky Monkey's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
You are a very patient and kind person to put up with all this BS!! It should definately be your daughters decision whether she wants to see her bio father or not. I'm sorry you have to deal with that I can only imagine how hard and irritating that would be! Best wishes[/b]
Thank you so much!
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