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I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!


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  #1  
June 21st, 2006, 02:24 PM
M4NE's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Ok, buckle your seatbelts, b/c this one's going to be long.

I married my wonderful DH almost 6 years ago. He is wonderful and awesome and he and my children are my most precious gifts. Unfortunately, he has a family....specifically he has a sister. DH and I had been married for about a year and a half when she and her parents had a huge fight. She showed up on our doorstep about 11pm with no where to go. So, we let her live with us. It turned into a nightmare. She lived with us about 6 months....within that time period, I found out I was pg with my first child and she was trying to graduate from college and plan a wedding. Not a great combination. By the time she moved out, we were barely speaking. However, things smoothed over and we were getting along fairly well.

Fast forward to Oct. of last year: SIL has an affair and decides to get a divorce. She feels guilty about the affair and decides to let her ex have their house. So where does she end up?? Yep, back at our house. Well, things go fairly well for a while. But then slowly, she starts taking over my house. I will clean a room, she comes behind me and recleans it. I tell the kids "yes" to something, she turns around and tells them "No" or vice versa. Talking to her has done absolutely NO GOOD. She either disregards everything I say or says I'm being too sensitive. In Jan. she had her tonsils taken out. Her BF, who is going through his 2nd divorce and was living with his parents, stays with her after her surgery "to take care of her".....It is now June and apparently she is still recovering b/c BF is STILL in my house!!!! In order to get to their room, they have to walk through my bedroom. Certain "marital activities" are hard enough to find time for as it is, between 2 kids and dealing with m/s (I'm 11 wks pg)....but with the added complication of my bedroom becoming Grand Central Station, it becomes extremely difficult (but obviously not impossible, ) However, since I found out I was pg, SIL has become increasingly judgemental. She critizes every move I make. I hate being in my own house when she is here. I try to avoid her at all costs. And that's sad b/c we were fairly close at one time. I just can't take the constant judgement anymore. She makes me feel like a failure as a mother and a wife. I don't want to tell DH b/c I don't want to come between him and his sister. But I'm afraid that either she will never move out or that if she does move out and ends up marrying her BF, that in a few years she'll be wanting to move back with us. I doubt she will stay married to BF if they ever do get married.

I just needed to get all of this out.....If you made it this far, thanks for listening!!!
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  #2  
June 21st, 2006, 02:54 PM
whitlovesoak's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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oh my goodness hun. i don't even know how you have made it as far as you have. i could not handle that at all. i think it is time to think about you and your child. the stress is not good for either one of you. and telling DH about what is going on is not making him choose. it is making him understand what you have been going through. i think it is time for her to get out. maybe talk to her calmly and ask what her plans are and when she plans to find a place of her own? good luck i hope this all works out for you. xoxo
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  #3  
June 21st, 2006, 02:55 PM
.erin.'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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wow that really sounds no fun. i think if i were in your situation, i would ask her to leave. maybe that could make things a little worse as far as your relationship, but if she stays there and there is a huge blowup, then maybe it would ruin the relationship worse. i don't know about you, but i like privacy, and i think the home is a place where you should feel safe and should be able to enjoy being. so tell her to get her own so you can enjoy yours.

and i think it is really unacceptable that her bf is there too. i think it's pretty disrespectful of her. i bet your dh would want to you to be happy. i think most dh's would pick their wifes over their other family. good luck. i really hope you don't have to deal with it too much longer.
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  #4  
June 21st, 2006, 03:07 PM
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The first thing that came to mind is........you can tell her you want to switch rooms. That way, if anyone is going to get disturbed, it will be HER and her bf, not YOU and your husband. You can walk through their room instead of them walking through yours.

Hey, it's your house. She can't really say no to that one.
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  #5  
June 21st, 2006, 08:58 PM
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O_o...oh my. I'd say (as tough as it will be) you have to say something to your husband. This lady is completely rude and irresponsible. Her and her bf need to get out of YOUR house. She has NO RIGHT to be telling your kids the opposite of what you tell them. They are YOUR kids...NOT hers. I'd kick her and her crummy bf out. I hope you and your dh talk about this and come to a conclusion **hugs**
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  #6  
June 21st, 2006, 09:14 PM
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I would probably have kicked her out long ago, before the bf moved in, so trust me......you are a stronger person than me. She should not be taking over at all. She should act like a guest and leave like a guest. She isn't your roommate or anything like that.

I'm pg too, and I had a friend who wanted to move in with us for awhile. I was ok with it, until she started telling me that she'd be having her fiance stay with her every other weekend and that she wanted to change a bunch of locks on doors, so that we would have to ask her to let us in. I think not!

I hope that you and your DH can find a way to get her to grow up and take care of herself for once. You deserve to enjoy your own home....and your marriage.
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  #7  
June 21st, 2006, 10:27 PM
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I just went through a similiar situation twice back to back and just got my house back in February!!!! I about went crazy so I know what you are going through. I would talk to DH and just tell him that maybe she needs to get out on her own. Both of you talk to her and ask her for a move date within the next month to month and a half. That gives her enough time to save up money and find a place of her own. Thats the nice way. The mean way is the way that I had to handle mine. The mean way is telling her that she and her bf have to go within a week or all of their stuff will be at the street the next time they come home. I tried the nice way but didn't work so I went to harsher methods. You also need to tell DH that if this marriage doesn't work out with the sis and her bf that she needs to find her own place instead of moving in on you and your family. I'm sorry that you are having to go through this and I hope that everything works out for you soon!! If all else fails, it's your house stop being nice! Good Luck and let us know what happens!!!
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  #8  
June 21st, 2006, 11:33 PM
Brittany_Daile's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm so sorry hun!! You definitely need to talk to DH and tell him how you're feeling...then he won't be in the middle nearly as much as he would be if you tried to strangle her She's a guest in your house and needs to act like one. If she wants to act like it's her house too, then make her (and bf) pay rent!!
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  #9  
June 22nd, 2006, 08:11 AM
carolinagirl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Your SIL's behavior is totally unacceptable. You were gracious enough to open up YOUR home not once, but twice. This business of her BF staying with you is absurd and he would be packing his things today and moving out if I had anything to do with it. Your SIL has taken advantage of you & her brother's hospitality. Further more, the moment someone disciplined MY children or came behind me and started cleaning MY house b/c it wasn't cleaned to their satisfaction would be the moment they would have been packing their bags. It's you & your DH's house and it's your business to keep it as clean or as dirty as you see fit. If your SIL doesn't like she can get her own place and keep it to her standards! You and your DH do not have an obligation to this woman. Yes, she is family but she is clearly making no efforts to get her act together and enjoying her "free ride" at your expense!! I can almost bet that when you sit down with your DH and discuss how you feel he'll be somewhat relieved. I'm sure he see's what his sister is doing but doesn't say anything b/c it is his sister - KWIM?

Having anyone stay with you in your home is disrruptive no matter the length of time. I will NEVER EVER have another person stay with me - with the exception of my mom whom just over a month ago had surgery to remove her bladder after battling bladder cancer. Any other family member would be on a really short term basis!!! I love 'em but it was hard enough growing up with them under one roof.. I can't imagine it's gotten any easier in the last 20 years LMAO.

Good Luck Hon, I'm hoping for the best for you in this situation. Take care of yourself and your little bean!!!


Tracey
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  #10  
June 22nd, 2006, 09:40 AM
M4NE's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thanks for listening and for all of your advice. I did talk to DH last night and he is feeling the same way as I am. My problem is that I'm a very laid back person, don't like to rock the boat, KWIM? SIL is very outspoken and dominating and takes advantage of my laid back attitude. Like I said, in the past, she and I have been fairly close and I have overlooked some of her attitudes and viewpoints that I don't really agree with, however, I feel that she doesn't extend me the same courtesy. But that's another post, LOL! DH and I are planning to talk to her tonight and let her know that if she is not ACTIVELY looking for another place to live by the time school starts back (in Aug.) that she will have to find somewhere else to stay until she finds something permanent. She has been here since Oct. and has only looked at 2 different properties. Not what I would call ACTIVELY looking, KWIM?? I can handle her being here if I can see a light at the end of the tunnel.......Right now I'm not seeing that light b/c she is just not looking IMO. She is WAAAYYY too picky about what she wants....lots of land with few neighbors, but that type of property doesn't fit her budget. DH and I plan to explain all of this to her tonight so wish us luck!!! Once again, thanks for listening!!
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  #11  
June 22nd, 2006, 11:21 AM
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Sounds like she is just making up excuses to stay with you guys longer. I hope the talk goes well tonight and that she gets her butt in gear!!
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  #13  
June 22nd, 2006, 04:39 PM
MommieinNC's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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My first question would be: Does she pay rent? Does the BF pay rent? If not... they both should be.

In some states, once someone has lived with you more than 30 days, you MUST serve them with an eviction notice... Sad, but unfortunatley true.

She's overstepped bounds in one too many ways for me to be comfortable with... and as bad as this may sound, it sounds as though she's making excuses not to move out so she can continue her "leech" like behaviour...

I hope you guys find a way to deal with this and fast!
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  #14  
June 22nd, 2006, 11:44 PM
ladyellise's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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When an awful ordeal to go threw!! I would definately say something if it was me, all that stress cant be good for the baby growing inside you!! I would definately let her know how it is, in a nice way of course, if she doesnt understand than seriously, that's her problem, thats just my opinion though, Good luck with everything!!

Quote:
Thanks for listening and for all of your advice. I did talk to DH last night and he is feeling the same way as I am. My problem is that I'm a very laid back person, don't like to rock the boat, KWIM? SIL is very outspoken and dominating and takes advantage of my laid back attitude. Like I said, in the past, she and I have been fairly close and I have overlooked some of her attitudes and viewpoints that I don't really agree with, however, I feel that she doesn't extend me the same courtesy. But that's another post, LOL! DH and I are planning to talk to her tonight and let her know that if she is not ACTIVELY looking for another place to live by the time school starts back (in Aug.) that she will have to find somewhere else to stay until she finds something permanent. She has been here since Oct. and has only looked at 2 different properties. Not what I would call ACTIVELY looking, KWIM?? I can handle her being here if I can see a light at the end of the tunnel.......Right now I'm not seeing that light b/c she is just not looking IMO. She is WAAAYYY too picky about what she wants....lots of land with few neighbors, but that type of property doesn't fit her budget. DH and I plan to explain all of this to her tonight so wish us luck!!! Once again, thanks for listening!![/b]

Sorry I missed that update!! Good for you for standing up and letting her know how it is!! I hope everything works out for you and your family
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  #15  
June 23rd, 2006, 08:30 AM
M4NE's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Well, we had the talk last night...didn't go too well. But before I get into that, let me clarify, yeah, she does pay rent...sorry I left that out. NEway, here's how last night went.
DH and I took the kids to my MIL's house before SIL got home from work so that we could talk without interruption. We sat down with SIL and her BF and asked them how the search for a house was going. SIL immediately got defensive and told her BF "See, I told you they'd be ready to kick us out before long." She tried to shift the focus to my being pg. She said, "You didn't have a problem with us being here until you got pg and then you got all moody like you always do. You use being pg as an excuse for everything." At this point I was ready to strangle her, but I was trying to be the bigger person (DH had some pretty choice words for her but I asked him to calm down.) I explained that it had nothing to do with wanting her out or with me being pg. I tried to explain that her finding her own place would be better for everyone. I told her that we didn't expect her to move out this week, but that we would like to see that she was at least trying to find a place. Then she started in on how WE didn't appreciate anything that she had done for US!!! That's when all of my composure flew out the window. I told her that she had it backwards...she didn't appreciate anything we'd done for her. I pointed out that instead of expressing gratitude for giving her a place to stay not once, but twice, all she had done was critize and belittle me. She then proceeded to get rather nasty (things escalated into a shouting match and some of the words that came out of her mouth would embarrass a sailor.) and DH told her that she could either apologize to me or get her ***** out of our house and not come back. I told him not to worry about it, I didn't expect an apology and even if she said the words, she wouldn't mean them. I told her that by the end of this month she was out and that the only reason she had that long was b/c my kids love her so much. I set down some rules though...She is not to speak to me, she is to stay in her part of the house (the part of the house where her bedroom is has a bathroom and living area, so there is no reason for her to come to our part of the house except to use the kitchen.) She is responsible for her own meals, I won't cook for her or her BF. If she needs to use the kitchen, she is not to speak to me or DH. She can speak to the boys as long as she doesn't say anything negative about them, DH or me and as long as what she says doesn't go against anything DH and I have told them. I hate to have to be this way, but I feel like I was pushed to this. I really tried to resolve this situation and keep our relationship intact, but things didn't work out that way. Thanks for listening and for all your advice!!!
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  #16  
June 23rd, 2006, 11:33 AM
ladyellise's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Awwww! You definately did the right thing! Couldnt of said it better
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  #17  
June 23rd, 2006, 12:09 PM
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Sorry that your talk didn't go as planned. Some ppl just don't know how to grow up and appreciate what is done for them. She sounds like she is really taking advantage of you though, so I hope that she leaves sooner than later. Just keep your chin up and know that she'll be gone before you know it....as long as she leaves when she is suppose to.
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