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  #1  
June 22nd, 2006, 11:43 PM
Chunky Monkey's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I think this is so unfair. She is getting married this Sept. and when they announced their engagement last Thanksgiving with all the family around, she was talking about the place they are getting married at & having the wedding reception will allow the groom's room being used for a kids playroom, complete with a TV & DVD player. Just they would have to hire someone to watch the kids, which my in-laws were willing to do.
I just found out that SIL is requesting no children be allowed because she is afraid they will "ruin" the reception. We have 3 children, my BIL has 3 children and they have many cousins from both sides coming into town with children, who were planning on bringing them from the previous plans. So now she is changing her mind and a lot of people have to scramble for alternative plans and some even have paid travel expenses for their children.

I have never known children to ruin wedding receptions. They eat, they run around a little, they dance.

It is going to be an open bar but they are cutting alcohol off early because my FIL is a retired police officer and does not want this wedding responsible for DUI's or anything. My DH is also going to be a designated driver, since we have the minivan so any children will not be in danger of it.

I told my DH we might not end up going to the wedding because it is so wrong. I have even brought up about ME staying with the kids in the room with another person in case one of the children needs to use the restroom or something but my SIL wants me in the reception with my DH since we are all family. Plus, I will be able to not drink for the sake of the children being watched and plus I MIGHT be pg anyways so I wouldn't be able to drink at all.

What does everyone think?
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  #2  
June 23rd, 2006, 12:50 AM
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I think thats absolutely ridiculous!! Theres no reason why children shouldnt be aloud at a wedding, if anything children make it more enjoyable (that's also coming from a person who loves children) but I dont know. Just because they are a young age doesnt mean they arent part of the family and deserve just as well to be there. That's crazy and I definately think you should speak up and talk to her about it if it bothers you as much as I know it would bother me. Anyways reguardless of what you decide I wish you luck either way!
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  #3  
June 23rd, 2006, 09:26 AM
~Sandy~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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ok i hope i do no make you angry but I myself got married last may and while my kids were at the wedding i did not allow any kids under the age of 16 to come to the wedding...they were welcome at the ceremony but not the reception...see even if i had a seperate room for the kids i still would have to pay for a meal for them tha they would not eat, and i payed for my wedding on my own so for that aspect i saved about 3,000 dollars....on the other spect i have to say that while i did have some people decide not to come b/c their kids werent invited most people came and even commented on how they had a much better time b/c they did not have to worry about watching their kids and they coul have a nice adult night out....kwim....see when you are are running around tryig to keep kids outof things how much fun are you actually having kwim....and you have to keep in mind that while you may not agree with what they decided it is their wedding and not yours kwim ...and i do not mean that in a rude way .....they have their reasons for their decision and really its not anyones place to tell them that their decision is wrong....what i told people who made comments to me was "if you decide to stay home because your kids were not invited remember that it was your decision and i did not force you into it" kwim see i stopped talking to a cople of my family members b/c their kids werent invited and instead of accepting it as my choice they decided to harass me about it and make comments all the time which in turn made me realize that they didnt care what i felt they just cared that i didnt invite their kids....so now i just avoid them.....try to rememberthat it is your family and hwile they may make decisions that you dont agree with they are still your family.....HTH
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  #4  
June 23rd, 2006, 10:09 AM
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I dunno. I think children free weddings are becoming pretty popular. It depends on the "mood" you want at your reception. They did give 3 months notice.
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  #5  
June 23rd, 2006, 11:21 AM
Chunky Monkey's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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It's not so much my children but the children of the people from out-of-town who have already made travel arrangements and bought their children non-refundable tickets and now have to make alternate arrangements for this and lose money on the airfare they have already bought. I live locally and can easily find someone to stay with my children. But it is the principle. If she didn't want children at her wedding, she should have said something in the beginning so all these people didn't already make travel plans.
And now the bride-to-be is actually getting offended because these people are mad at her for changing the plans 3 months before the wedding, when it has been in the planning since last fall.
I do want to point out she does not have any children and doesn't plan on having them. She is almost 30 and her fiance is almost 50 with grown children. She does, however, love all her nieces and nephews.
My MIL is also upset by this, as her and my FIL have already ordered children's food from the caterer that they will eat. My MIL specifically wanted this catering company because they do offer a children's menu.
I am not the only one who is upset by this though.
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  #6  
June 23rd, 2006, 11:26 AM
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I don't think a weddign reception without kids is a bad thing. We didn't have anyone under the age of 13 at our wedding reception with the exception of our daughter who later went back to her grandparents hotel room with a babaysitter. It is a nice time for adults to catch up without having children to look after (not that thats a bad thing). Any family memebers with children who were invited were asked ahead of time if they wanted their children in attendance at the wedding and all of the replies were no. You are just going tohave torespect the wishes ofyou SIL, whether you like it or not.
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  #7  
June 23rd, 2006, 11:30 AM
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I see where the other ladies here are coming from, it is her wedding. The thing I dont understand and think is completely wrong, is her changing her mind once she knows people have already invested money in plane tickets for their children. I dont think that was very courteous on her part, she could of decided last fall (or whenever the wedding invitations went out) that she did not want children there, I think that would of been a lot more polite. But that's just me
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  #8  
June 23rd, 2006, 12:37 PM
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I originally was inviting kids to my wedding and I changed my mind 4 months in advance b/c I realized I wouldn't have the money to pay for it and I had given the situation some thought and decided that I wanted a very relaxed and fun wedding reception and I felt that kids would just stress me out b/c the parents DONT watch their kids......And I do have kids however our parents watched the kids for us so that we could enjoy ourselves......ALOT of people were angry with me but like I said it was MY wedding and the thing to remember is that its all up to her and her fiancee.....its not fair to put her in the situation that she feels guilty b/c of her decision b/c it was her decision.......like i said i stoppped talking to some poeple b/c of the way they treated me for my decisions , i think the more important thing here would be to let her celebrate her day the way she wants and if you love her just support her for it....ONe of my feelings during the months leading up to my wedding was that that time was supposed to be a happy time for me and instead b/c people ididnt agree with me i spent almost all the time answering ????"s and defending myself against these people ....AND IT WASNT EVEN THEIR WEDDING NOR WERE THEY PAYING A DIME FOR IT.........try to think of her feelings in this situation, this is how she wants her wedding, its not fair to try to change her mind , she has been planning and dreaming of this day , it should be the way she wants it not the way anyone else wants it.......


......Please dont get upset with me, I am not trying toupset anyone I promise,....I am just answering as someone who has been in her shoes......
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  #9  
June 23rd, 2006, 01:22 PM
Chunky Monkey's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Oh I am not upset with your responses but my in-laws are also upset because they want the grandchildren there and THEY are paying for the wedding, not her. My MIL also said that her fiance wants the kids there, having been married before he said children just add a little charm to the wedding, watching them have the time of their lives dancing and playing.

I just hope if she does decide no children, she stops acting offended because these out-of-town guests are pretty irritated. Some have said they are not going to come because they can't get someone to stay with their kids for a couple of days and my SIL is acting hurt over it. If she does not want to accomodate these people by even maybe opening her home to these children from out-of-town with a reliable sitter for the kids or anything, then she needs to accept the fact she will be quite a few guests short of what she had planned.

I told my DH I would be willing to be the sitter at the house and skip the wedding but my DH wants me there, especially since I might be pg & he wants to show that off to everyone Plus, my SIL wants me to be the cake server I just found out this morning.

I dunno, maybe I can open my home with a couple of sitters for the kids and pay the person. I am more than willing to do this to accomodate people. The wedding & reception are going to take place in the same building but there will be a break, some of the parents can either call or come back to my house to check on the kids. I think the break is an hour and a half long so that will be plenty of time for people to check on the kids and get back. I live about 20 minutes from the place. During the break, the pictures will be taken and stuff on the grounds.

I will bring this alternative up to my in-laws to see what they say.
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  #10  
June 23rd, 2006, 01:50 PM
~Sandy~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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That sounds like s good idea if you are willing to do it...Also now that you clarify that your inlaws are paying technically they are the ones who have the say about who is invited not your sil.......If they are footing the entire bill than it is up to them who is invitied and they should bring that up with your sil.....if she disagrees then let her pay for her own wedding and that way she can fairly make all of the decisions......see i paid for my own wedding so i made all decisions.....if your mil is paying than it is eb=ntirely up to her.......good luck girly and i am glad you didnt get upset
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  #11  
June 23rd, 2006, 02:11 PM
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To me, it's too late to change her mind, whether she likes it or not kids should be allowed. Did the in-laws offer to pay or were they asked. Honestly, I paid for my wedding because I wanted to have total control over everything despite the fact that everyone said it didn't matter who paid, it's my day and I should get what I want.

I opted for kids because of some family issues (no babysitter etc.) and it almost proved disasterous. DH's cousin had the cake lifted up on one side and was about to tip it over before a dear friend swooped in and grabbed him.
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  #12  
June 23rd, 2006, 02:33 PM
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We had a no-children rule at our wedding. Just our daughter and flower girl. We saved a lot of money ($30 a plate, including kids) and had a lot of drunks at the end of the night who broke out into a fight.. and ruined the rest of the night.. So it was good that there was no kids.

You have a few months to plan what to do with your children. At least they didn't say this a week before the wedding.


Edit: Wait. If they said all of the crap when they got engaged, it's BS. We told everyone right away no kids.. no problems. but I don't think she should go one way one month and a different the next.
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  #13  
June 23rd, 2006, 02:47 PM
MommieinNC's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Wow...

I plan to have a child free wedding... But that's me...

However, that's when and IF I ever get married... and I would certainly let people know on the invitations to please make other arrangements for childcare.

I do not think it's alright for them to up and change their mind after invitations have been sent out and travel arrangements most certainly already in the process of or already have been made... I think good old SIL2B needs to fork over the cash for something for the kids such as baby sitters, etc... Especially if she's the only one who wants it this way and changed her mind about it.
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  #14  
June 23rd, 2006, 03:22 PM
Chunky Monkey's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I just talked to MIL. She is willing to foot the bill for the sitter and is INSISTING SIL lets the kids attend, just stay in the room except to go to the restroom. She said the children do not need to eat with the parents in the hall but that the caterer can put a buffett in the room with the children with their food. So I think it is all going to work out in the end. MIL said since they put the deposits down, if SIL doesn't agree with this then SIL & her fiance can foot the rest of the bill for the wedding.
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  #15  
June 23rd, 2006, 08:39 PM
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Me and my two siblings all had "child-free" weddings and receptions, with one exception. The children of immediate family members were welcomed. This was really only an issue with my brother's wedding, because by the time it came along my sister and I both had children. So, my sister and I paid for a older teen babysitter to attend the wedding and the reception. The wedding was in a church, so she used their nursery, and the reception was outside at the bride's parents farm. The babysitter sat at a separate table with the kids, and took care of fixing their food and looking after them. It was great--I mean family is family, and even the kids are family. I can see both sides of this. I'm glad that maybe things are resolved for you.
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  #16  
June 23rd, 2006, 09:26 PM
Chunky Monkey's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I am so glad too. I just wish she would have maybe brought this up sooner because then people wouldn't have made travel plans with their children.

Even if they do just immediate family children, that is our 3 and his brother's 3 so that is 6. I did make sure, though, when my MIL brought it up to me that his brother's kids were not invited and ours weren't or vice versa.
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  #17  
June 25th, 2006, 04:39 PM
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DH and I had a semi childfree wedding. Our son was there and my flower girl was there. But we were married in a Victorian bed and breakfast and the Inn requested no children. I guess I am just really rude. Because I wanted the day to be about me and my husband. Not entertaining kids. Although we did pay for everything. We sent out invitations addressed to only the adults a month before the wedding and it was a destination wedding. (well 2 hours away at most)

No one really seemed to be that upset about it. They understood that weddings are celebrations and sometimes kids don't quite understand.

Sorry to be at odds with you, but sometimes there are real reasons behind decisions and not just out of selfishness.

Also, the wedding IS about her and her husband...
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  #18  
June 26th, 2006, 12:50 PM
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OK, I can understand not having children during the ceremony but during the reception?!?! C'mon gimme a break! That's ridiculous!!

Personally, the ceremony is what I was worried about for my wedding. I know that children are children but most women wait a long time to walk down the aisle and dream of their wedding days - they just want the everything perfect. I'm of the opinion the reception is for everyone to cut loose and have a good time, b/c the nerve racking part is over with. I just don't understand some people but ultimately it is HER wedding. I'd just try to throw as many options to her as possible. Maybe with all the wedding planning she's overwhelmed and stressed out.

GOOD LUCK HON!! ((hugs))


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  #19  
June 26th, 2006, 03:22 PM
Chunky Monkey's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Where my SIL is getting married is called Nazareth Hall in Grand Rapids, Ohio. It was actually once an orphanage with a long spooky mystery to it. The hall is beautiful and so is the grounds. It just has a certain charm to it. If I remember correctly, it does have a playground and one of the selling points to my in-laws was the fact that after the ceremony the groom's room can be converted to a children's playroom. My SIL is the one who told us that on the day of the wedding, pack the kids some pajamas and sleeping bags. That way, when they get tired, the sitters can get them in their jammies and they can fall asleep, then the parents can just take them directly home and put them to bed.
I do have to say one thing though is I was thinking of getting a sitter for my 3 y/o, even though that is her nephew. The reason is because he is really high-strung due to developmental delays and I just think it might be overstimulating to him. But my 10 y/o is polite, she does not run around and stuff.
Also I do want to mention the weekend she is getting married, we usually go camping because it is the day after my 8 y/o's birthday. We decided to skip the trip this year because of the wedding but now those plans might be scrapped.
My DH is actually thinking of not even attending because of the children issue because we disappointed the children by telling them the camping trip is off to go to the wedding but now they are going to be disappointed about not attending. DH is actually thinking of doing the camping trip if they are not welcome to keep up with our own tradition. I told him it is HIS sister getting married and it is HIS decision.
I can totally understand if they were paying for the wedding on their own and to answer someone else's question: my in-laws were asked to foot most of the bill, which they have been gladly doing. My DH has 3 brothers and 1 sister. Older brother's wedding was planned by the bride's family, we totally planned our own and his brothers who are twins are destined to be bachelors for a long long time.

That brings me to another point: we got married in a simple small ceremony. DH & I paid for the entire thing though. We ended up having A LOT of children at our wedding and before the ceremony the minister told us to just let the kids be kids. In the video, they are playing musical chairs and one of my best friend's children threw a toy at my foot. We just laughed because it was too cute! We still laugh every time we watch the video.
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  #20  
June 28th, 2006, 12:04 PM
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i think a children free wedding is stupid. especially if u arent paying for the wedding. since ur mil and fil are paying for the wedding than they should let the kids come. and 3 month notice isnt enough time, especially for people out of town. and the whole thing about making u stay at the reception instead of possibly looking at the kids. thats bull honkey. the kids are just as much part of the family. u need to speak up especailly if other people are mad! she is being a bridezila
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