[WhiteHorse226]

Hey everyone,

I'm not sure this is the right place to put this, but I was just curious to see if anyone has gone through this or has any advice for me. My brother has dated the same girl for 5 1/2 years now and he has recently hinted to my mother that he will start looking for a ring for her. This is great, however me and my brother and his girlfriend are not close. At all. Both of them rarely talk to me and I'm starting to think that neither of them like me, although I feel that my issue is mainly with his girlfriend.

It's not that I absolutely hate her or anything like that. It's just that sometimes I feel like I can't bring myself to like her. I feel like our personalities are too different. She's really girly and sometimes judgmental to be honest, and I don't think I'm like that at all. She literally has only spoken to me like 10 times in 5 years and usually when we see each other we only say hi to each other. I would love to be friends with her, but I just feel like we either got off on the wrong foot or she just is not interested in having a relationship with me, which honestly makes me feel a little sad. I also think she thinks that I don't like her. I just don't know what to say to her and it's a little awkward to be around her sometimes because she won't talk to me. My mom tells me that she wants to be friends with me but she won't make any effort and then when I don't talk to her, she thinks it's because I don't like her.

Do you have any advice?

[in_mommy]

Maybe invite her to lunch or dinner and get to know her one on one and see how things go. Maybe she doesn't know how to take the first step either and is thinking some of the same things you are thinking. I get along with my brother's wife, but DH's sisters is another story. We are not close at all and it is a whole different slice of cake and it all comes down to his mother as to why things are the way they are. Good Luck!!!

[RayofHope]

Sounds to me like there is just a lack of communication. She ‘thinks’ you ‘think’ but nobody is talking. If your brother is going to marry this girl you need to get along. There are no major underlying issues here so just open the door. She is going to be the mama to your nieces and nephews someday. So pull her aside. Talk to her about how you feel. Be open to her personality even if you are unsure of it. Give it a chance. I have had issues with my SIL back in the day and there were things she did that bothered me (she lives in my mothers house) but I just bottled it up. I finally blew up one day and told her how I felt, but I did it in a negative way. But after we really talked about it and she understood how she was making me feel. She changed. She still has her moments but for the most part we get along great. She is a wonderful Aunt to my kids and we have a great relationship now. So try talking to her, you may be pleasantly surprised and end up having a wonderful relationship which will benefit your entire family.

[Candymama]

Go out somewhere where you can let loose! Since she's pretty girly, go dancing! Spend some time together before going out getting ready and OF COURSE having some pre night cocktails, and even ask her opinion between a few outfits or a hairstyle. Lunch or dinner can be really akward if there`s tnsion and it may be really hard to recover from, BUT if you go out and get a lil buzzy and have some fun it can really open up. THEN grab a booth and spill your feelings. Chances are she will too and they`ll atleast be out in the open!

[Prudence]

I would first do something like, you and your SO and them. Slowly break the ice. If she is shy and worried, for me it would be too much pressure one on one. I would feel more comfortable with my SO there for support, then open up to her reach out to her. After a few of those I would go one on one. she'll have plenty of shopping to do for a soon to be wedding in her future.
I am very shy, I've been known to not warm up to some one in a five year spand, and it wasn't because I didn't like them.