[diamond1021]

hi i am new to this website & i am looking for some help & advice .. i am 20 yrs old pregnant with my 1st & having alot of problems with my babys father. we have not been together since i found out i was pregnant & i been doing it mainly on my own & its so hard he says he is going to change when the baby comes & will be a good father to the baby but i dont know what to do he is always out partying going clubbing, drinking & driving . i try to spend time & get things ready for the baby together but he is always to busy & blows me off its like he puts us last & his friends 1st. i dont know if it is jus a phase or he jus really isnt ready to man up & be a dad. i love him so much & want to be the family that we planned but he just doesnt want to he says i busy him to much & always make him mad or have a bad day =-/ what do i do please help

[in_mommy]

Welcome!! I am sorry he is treating you like that. I think you need to sit him down and have a real heart to heart in a calm manner. You need to be prepared that he isn't ready or whatever and you need to make decisions that are best for you and your baby, like adoption or keeping it.

[SammyJ]

I am sorry you have to deal with this! It sounds like he is honestly not ready to grow up and I think that is the case with so many younger guys his age (if he is pretty close to your age.) Sadly, I see guys in their later 20s still acting like that, so it is difficult to speculate if he is ready to grow up or not. I would definitely have a heart-to-heart with him, let him know how you feel and what you expect out of him. If he isn't willing to commit to being a good father, then you need to be prepared to do this alone or consider an alternative option. I really hope you guys can work it out though! Good luck!

[mommy_to_nico]

i've been in this situation i was 20 and pregnant, i have a 7 1/2 yr old now, he's father hasnt seen him in 2 1/2 yrs and he wasn't paying any child support till recently. if i were you, i'd apply for child support when ur child is born, if he denys your child, get a dna test. obivious he's not mature enough to handle a relationship nor even being a father. the insane behavior shows you, is this the type of father you want for your child, believe me your child is better off with out him, until he grows up which some never do, 'im not going to lie to you, you need to talk to him now before the baby comes and don't be screaming or yelling. just put it on the table when you do partying going clubbing, drinking & driving i feel_______ b/c i am getting ready for our child to come being responsible and that;s what i'd like you to understand that it's not like your life has to stop because you have a child, you have to work around it, be more understanding and maybe if he sees things the way you do then he's really trying, if not, please do whats best for you and your child. b/c you don't deserve this and you can do much better.

[dubs]

Def sounds like he isn't ready...i agree with the pp that you should apply for child support as soon as the baby is born...have a heart to heart with him and if he decides NOT to man up that move on you can do it mama you don't need a man to help you raise your child!!

[Candymama]

I just wanted to add something short. He wont change hunny. I've seen it happen to so many friends of mine. One great friend even got married to her sons father after she found out he had cheated because he promised he would change. Well guess what, when she was pregnant with their SECOND son, he was out every other night drinking and clubbing and sleeping around and left her before his baby was born. A lot of young dads dont know how to step up or DO try to have their last hurrah before their babies come because they feel it is their last chance- but if he cant even make an EFFORT to step up, then he wont change when the baby comes....