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@#$#%$ stupid woman!!


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  #1  
June 28th, 2006, 01:06 AM
irishxrose
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On Monday night I had Joshua stay over at my MIL's house so Jason and I could get some MUCH needed time together. I dropped Joshua off over there and went to go get gas and run some quick errands while Jason worked on some stuff over there with his mom and Joshua. I get back and his mom is SMOKING A CIGARETTE in the house, in the SAME FREAKING ROOM where Joshua is! I got really pissed, but I kept it to myself while I was there. I don't know why... looking back on it now, I really should have said something. Well, when we left, I told Jason I didn't want his mom smoking around our child. We may be smokers ourselves, but dammit we don't smoke near him, we smoke outside, change clothes, etc. THEN, get this... Jason told me, "Well, there was a wind coming from the windows, it was blowing the smoke away." @#%@ God, I just wanted to hit him. AND THEN, he decides to tell me, "My mom smoked around me and I'm healthy!" Yeah, hun, you may be healthy, but I am NOT taking that chance with my little boy! I'm not going to risk it! I just don't know what to do. I really want to confront her about it. Apparently every time she babysits, she smokes around him. I don't want to take her grandson away from her, but I am SOCLOSE to doing it. I am so LIVID at the fact that she won't even consider his health. I don't care if she kills herself smoking, I am NOT letting her do it to MY CHILD! AGHHHHHHH! I want to rip my hair out. Jason is completely clueless, and I don't want to piss him off by telling his mom off. I am so stuck.

Help.
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  #2  
June 28th, 2006, 01:39 AM
Chunky Monkey's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Since he is immediately defending his mother, maybe you might ask her to respect your decision about not wanting smoking around your son? I would be livid also!
My DH & I may be smokers (I am in the process of quitting because I am pg...doing good, only had 6 cigs today compared to my usual pack a day) but we do not smoke in the house. We request other people don't smoke in the same rooms as the kids and a lot of people do respect that.
I hope you can get this resolved without causing a rift with you & Jason and his mom & also having to keep your son from her. I wish you the best of luck in this!
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  #3  
June 28th, 2006, 05:55 AM
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The Surgion General just released a statement yesterday that second hand smoke is EXTREMELY harmful! Moreso than was oringally thought. Even in a ventalated restaraunt where the sections are seperated it is still very very harmful to those not smoking. He is actually calling for all public buildings to be smoke free. I would get an article about it, or print off his statment from the internet and give it to her. And if she doesnt respect your wishes, then I would just put your foot down. You are the mother, she isn't and she does not have the right to decide how your son is raised. YOU have the responsibilty to your son to protect him from anything that could cause him harm and second hand smoke is something that can be VERY harmful so therefore if you so NO, that means NO! I wouldnt want to hurt her feelings or take away her grandson either, but if she cant respect your position then you really dont have any other options. Good for you for taking that so seriously!
The way I feel is this........my DH is a district manager for a chain of tobbacco stores, he does not smoke but basically cigarettes pay our bills and put food on our table. I dont think they are healthy and I would be just as happy everyone decided to quit for their health if nothing else. BUT, adults are able to make their own decisions and who am I to tell them not to smoke. However, I CAN tell them not to smoke around me or my children.........I can get up and leave, and I dont have a problem with that. If I dont want to be around it I can choose where I go or where I dont go and I can get up and walk away is someone lights up next to me.........but a baby cant. And its not fare to expose that baby to something so harmful when they cant even get away from it if they wanted to.
I hope I didnt offend you in any way. I think you are doing great by wanting to ask your MIL to stop smoking around you son and I would be sooo upset too. Maybe if you talk to her about it and it just doesnt seem to be getting through to her, you could show her the recent reports and studies, maybe that will help her understand how much harm she could be causing her to grandson.



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  #4  
June 28th, 2006, 07:55 AM
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Why is that smokers get SO offeded when you tell them that their ciggarettes are gagging you?? My smokes like a friggin freight train even AFTER her bladder cancer (which btw is directly corelated to smoking) and insists on smoking around people. I love my mother but I hate it when she comes to visit. I don't allow smoking in my house - 1) it aggrivates my allergies - 2) I can't breathe when someone is smoking around me - 3) it stinks up my house, clothes, hair, and I feel dirty. I make my guests go outside to smoke - hot or cold - doesn't matter. I reserve the right to not to polute my lungs and if you're in my house respect my wishes.

Now onto the matter about your son - I would have been livid too, however you should have spoken up right then and there! This situation needs to be addressed but tactfully. You don't want to hurt your MIL's feelings but yet you need to be firm enough that she knows where you stand concerning your sons health. Also this morning on GOOD MORNING AMERICA they did a piece on second hand smoke - it affects non-smokers health more than they thought in past studies. They are working on banning smoking all together in restuarants and in the work place!! Second hand smoke isn't a joke! I personally believe it's one of the causes of lung cancer in non-smokers.

Good Luck Hon! (((HUGS)))


Tracey
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  #5  
June 29th, 2006, 12:08 PM
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I would be ticked too!! I do not allow my kids over at the inlaws because of that, well, there are LOTS of other reasons too. They have been asked not to smoke around the kids as they have allergies and such, it makes me sick as well, but they cant respect that, so they dont go there. They dont seem to care either, FIL is dying of emphysema, but he doesnt care and still lights up one right after another! You need to talk to her. If she still doesnt respect your request, then just dont take him over there anymore until she can respect you.
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  #6  
June 29th, 2006, 01:09 PM
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Stick to your guns Andrika. I have a hard time sticking up for myself sometimes but when it comes to my kids, I don't mess around. If you don't put your foot down with her now, it'll only get harder. I would talk to df and explain to him why you feel the way you do and how important this is to you. Believe me, I know what it's like to deal with my dh and his mother. It took me years to get his balls out of her purse!
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  #7  
July 1st, 2006, 12:25 PM
irishxrose
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Well I've talked to DF, and he's still completely clueless. He got all pissed off at me, and said "Well we'll just take him away from his grandmother; will that make you happy?" God, he just doesn't get it!!! I'm still trying to think of ways of how to tell her not to smoke around Joshua without offending her (too bad ). Oh well, we're not seeing her for a few weeks, so I'll have plenty of time to think.
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  #8  
July 1st, 2006, 01:16 PM
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Quote:
I love my mother but I hate it when she comes to visit. I don't allow smoking in my house - 1) it aggrivates my allergies - 2) I can't breathe when someone is smoking around me - 3) it stinks up my house, clothes, hair, and I feel dirty. I make my guests go outside to smoke - hot or cold - doesn't matter. I reserve the right to not to polute my lungs and if you're in my house respect my wishes.[/b]
Ditto to this because I do the exact same thing!!!
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  #9  
July 1st, 2006, 02:26 PM
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Is it possible she just doesn't know that it even bothers you? Have you directly told her that you do not want her to smoke in the house while he is there? I would think that if you both smoke, it may not have even occurred to her that this would be a problem. Although there is a lot out there today about not smoking around children, when she was raising kids, that wasn't the case. She may not even realize you are so bothered & I can't imagine that telling her your feelings would have to be a "confrontation". I know you are upset, but she may have absolutely no clue it is even an issue. I would just recommend telling her that you & Jason don't smoke around hte baby & you would really appreciate if she didn't either... I would think that is an amicable way to handle things & not create an issue, when there may not even be one. If she argues or doesn't abide by that, you can deal with that then...but for now you may just need to clarify to her that you aren't comfortable with him being exposed to cigarette smoke & see what she does from there. Best wishes.
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  #10  
July 1st, 2006, 06:43 PM
irishxrose
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Is it possible she just doesn't know that it even bothers you? Have you directly told her that you do not want her to smoke in the house while he is there? I would think that if you both smoke, it may not have even occurred to her that this would be a problem. Although there is a lot out there today about not smoking around children, when she was raising kids, that wasn't the case. She may not even realize you are so bothered & I can't imagine that telling her your feelings would have to be a "confrontation". I know you are upset, but she may have absolutely no clue it is even an issue. I would just recommend telling her that you & Jason don't smoke around hte baby & you would really appreciate if she didn't either... I would think that is an amicable way to handle things & not create an issue, when there may not even be one. If she argues or doesn't abide by that, you can deal with that then...but for now you may just need to clarify to her that you aren't comfortable with him being exposed to cigarette smoke & see what she does from there. Best wishes.[/b]
That's the problem... I've told her before that she is not to smoke around Joshua, period. This was about a week after he was born, and we took him over there for her to babysit him. She didn't smoke around him that night, but apparently has ever since. That's why I'm so worried about a confrontation. We are both very forceful and opinionated women, and we used to never get along. It caused a lot of stress between Jason and I, and I'm really worried that my MIL will start hating me again, and start telling Jason to go back out with his ex (she did that the last time). It's just so aggravating. I think I'm going to talk to her once we get back from my family reunion over the 4th.
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  #11  
July 1st, 2006, 07:58 PM
appifanie's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Well I've talked to DF, and he's still completely clueless. He got all pissed off at me, and said "Well we'll just take him away from his grandmother; will that make you happy?"[/b]
when my dh says the baby will need her grandparents, i point out that i didn't really have any (1 set deceased, the other set i never saw) and i was fine, and our daughter will have my parents b/c they're sane.

google info on smoking and babies and print it out, give it to her and tell her if she insists on smoking near the baby, no baby!

if she hates you, you can join the "My MIL hates me for no dang reason" club
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  #12  
July 3rd, 2006, 12:02 PM
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Do you think it would help if you were able to give specific reasons why it's bad to smoke around your child?

From http://www.nichd.nih.gov/sids/reduce_infant_risk.htm:

Here are 10 ways that you and others who care for your baby can reduce the risk of SIDS.
-Do not allow smoking around your baby. Don't smoke before or after the birth of your baby, and don't let others smoke around your baby.


From www.4woman.gov/quitsmoking/important:
Infants exposed to second-hand smoke after birth increases the baby's risk of these health problems:

* Passing harmful chemicals from tobacco to their babies through breast milk.

* SIDS. Babies of mothers who smoke before and after birth are more likely to die from SIDS.

* Asthma, pneumonia, bronchitis, and fluid in the middle ear, or ear infections.


From http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/baby/baby...ids/419.html#2:
Studies show that a baby's risk of SIDS rises with each additional smoker in the household, with the number of cigarettes smoked a day, and with the length of exposure to cigarette smoke.

Also, I know it's a HARD thing to do, but if you were able to quit smoking for your health and that of your son, you could tell her you quit because you feel so strongly about protecting your son from the problems smoke can cause. Just a thought

Hope these links help!
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  #13  
July 6th, 2006, 11:34 AM
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Talk to her. Tell her nicely that you do not want her smoking around your baby. If she can not do that then he does not need to go to her house anymore.

Babies lungs can not handle that ciggarete smoke. THe lady below us was smoking like a chimney and the ciggarete smoke was coming up here. My son starting coughing alot. To the point where he could not stop and I had to take him to ER. He did not have RSV or bronchiolitis. I had to give him breathing treatments with a nebulizer and I am positive its because she was smoking so much down there.
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  #14  
July 19th, 2006, 10:26 AM
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It's all about respect. She either respects you and your baby or she doesn't. If she chooses not to, then you can choose not to have her be alone with him. If you're there and she lights up, go over, pick Joshua up and leave the room, or perhaps even just leave the house. Say "later". She'll get the picture. It may seem harsh, but if it's the only way she'll understand... well, we women... we do what we have to do!!!
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  #15  
July 19th, 2006, 02:51 PM
mrobinson
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<div class=\'quotetop\'>QUOTE(irishxrose @ Jun 28 2006, 01:06 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div><div class=\'quotemain\'>On Monday night I had Joshua stay over at my MIL\'s house so Jason and I could get some MUCH needed time together. I dropped Joshua off over there and went to go get gas and run some quick errands while Jason worked on some stuff over there with his mom and Joshua. I get back and his mom is SMOKING A CIGARETTE in the house, in the SAME FREAKING ROOM where Joshua is! I got really pissed, but I kept it to myself while I was there. I don\'t know why... looking back on it now, I really should have said something. Well, when we left, I told Jason I didn\'t want his mom smoking around our child. We may be smokers ourselves, but dammit we don\'t smoke near him, we smoke outside, change clothes, etc. THEN, get this... Jason told me, "Well, there was a wind coming from the windows, it was blowing the smoke away." @#%@ God, I just wanted to hit him. AND THEN, he decides to tell me, "My mom smoked around me and I\'m healthy!" Yeah, hun, you may be healthy, but I am NOT taking that chance with my little boy! I\'m not going to risk it! I just don\'t know what to do. I really want to confront her about it. Apparently every time she babysits, she smokes around him. I don\'t want to take her grandson away from her, but I am SOCLOSE to doing it. I am so LIVID at the fact that she won\'t even consider his health. I don\'t care if she kills herself smoking, I am NOT letting her do it to MY CHILD! AGHHHHHHH! I want to rip my hair out. Jason is completely clueless, and I don\'t want to piss him off by telling his mom off. I am so stuck.

Help. [/b][/quote]


<div class=\'quotetop\'>QUOTE(irishxrose @ Jul 1 2006, 12:25 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div><div class=\'quotemain\'>Well I\'ve talked to DF, and he\'s still completely clueless. He got all pissed off at me, and said "Well we\'ll just take him away from his grandmother; will that make you happy?" God, he just doesn\'t get it!!! I\'m still trying to think of ways of how to tell her not to smoke around Joshua without offending her (too bad ). Oh well, we\'re not seeing her for a few weeks, so I\'ll have plenty of time to think.[/b][/quote]


<div class=\'quotetop\'>QUOTE(irishxrose @ Jul 1 2006, 06:43 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div><div class=\'quotemain\'><div class=\'quotetop\'>QUOTE(beck12 @ Jul 1 2006, 02:26 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div><div class=\'quotemain\'>
Is it possible she just doesn\'t know that it even bothers you? Have you directly told her that you do not want her to smoke in the house while he is there? I would think that if you both smoke, it may not have even occurred to her that this would be a problem. Although there is a lot out there today about not smoking around children, when she was raising kids, that wasn\'t the case. She may not even realize you are so bothered & I can\'t imagine that telling her your feelings would have to be a "confrontation". I know you are upset, but she may have absolutely no clue it is even an issue. I would just recommend telling her that you & Jason don\'t smoke around hte baby & you would really appreciate if she didn\'t either... I would think that is an amicable way to handle things & not create an issue, when there may not even be one. If she argues or doesn\'t abide by that, you can deal with that then...but for now you may just need to clarify to her that you aren\'t comfortable with him being exposed to cigarette smoke & see what she does from there. Best wishes.[/b][/quote]

That\'s the problem... I\'ve told her before that she is not to smoke around Joshua, period. This was about a week after he was born, and we took him over there for her to babysit him. She didn\'t smoke around him that night, but apparently has ever since. That\'s why I\'m so worried about a confrontation. We are both very forceful and opinionated women, and we used to never get along. It caused a lot of stress between Jason and I, and I\'m really worried that my MIL will start hating me again, and start telling Jason to go back out with his ex (she did that the last time). It\'s just so aggravating. I think I\'m going to talk to her once we get back from my family reunion over the 4th.
[/b][/quote]

Hon.. I didn't realize you were going through this.. I must have missed this thread. (I'm sorry for not being there for you.)

I hope things are working out better.

Quote:
It's all about respect.[/b]
.. from both your DF and MIL.
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  #16  
July 19th, 2006, 06:18 PM
irishxrose
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Thanks Michelle, and everyone else.

We're keeping Joshua away from her for now. Jason finally came to his senses, and he realizes what she was doing. We got into a huge fight about it, but he knows now... We haven't quite figured out how to broach the subject with his mom, but I'll let you guys know when we do, and how it goes.
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  #17  
July 20th, 2006, 11:34 AM
mrobinson
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Hey.. thanks for the update Andrika!
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