Torn

Ilovemy3 · #1 August 27th, 2011, 07:11 PM

Hi, I'm new to this site. Just looking for some support but also some mommy stuff. My husband and I have been married for almost three years. I have two young boys 6 & 12. My husband and I have a 2 year old daughter. My problem and frustration is my husband. He just doesn't seem to like my boys. My 12 year old feels like he can do nothing right in the eyes of his stepfather. He doesn't really try and be close to the boys or love them. You know do things a step father or father does with kids. He constantly spanks my 6 year old boy. The 6 year old is a little ADHD. I'm just feeling us getting very distant from eachother because of the tension in the house. He doesn't have to say anything when I can feel him annoyed by my 12 year old over absolutely nothing. The other thing is my husband drinks on the weekends and it doesn't help his irritablity at all. I know my son isn't a straight A student and doesn't play sports but he is not a bad child. He's loving and sensitive. He makes all the discipline and rules. If I don't discipline hard enough then I will hear it. I just don't see the marriage lasting.

Ilovemy3 · #2 August 28th, 2011, 04:31 PM

O k I posted this and A LOT of people have viewed it but not one has commented or has any advice? Am I out of line or just...

SammyJ · #3 September 3rd, 2011, 08:59 PM

Hey there! I am just a lurker on this board, but I read your post and saw that no one had commented, but it kind of seems like most comments don't get a lot of responses on this board...weird. Anyway, I will give you my two cents. I mean, obviously I don't know much about the situation, but I really don't think it is fair that your DH seems to be kind of overstepping his bounds. Now I am not saying that he doesn't love your son because I am sure he does, but his bond is definitely different with him than your bond is with your son. I honestly think you should be the one setting the limits with your son. There are many approaches to discipline and it honestly depends on the child and how they respond to certain situations. I am sure you know what is best for your son and your husband should respect that instead of making you feel like you are not disciplining harshly enough.

I honestly think this might be a good situation for counseling because if this situation does not get resolved, you are really going to build up tension and resentment against your husband for what he is doing to your sons. It's not fair to them to have to live in that kind of environment and it isn't fair to you either. First, I would definitely try talking to him, but if that doesn't seem to work or improve, then I would take the matter to a professional counselor.

Otherwise it is not going to work. You and your sons will not be able to live like that forever and you shouldn't have to. (((Hugs))) to you!! I hope you guys can figure this out!

Annabelle22 · #4 September 3rd, 2011, 11:14 PM

Maybe he's a bit jealous? I'm not saying that's an excuse for him to act the way he is, but maybe he doesnt like the fact that you had two kids with a man other than him. How is he with your little girl? If he's even a decent father to her, it's more than likely jealousy. Whatever it is, he shouldnt take it out on the boys, even you because none of you three have done anything to him. Like SammyJ said, counseling does sound right for something like this. I have a feeling it wont get much better without some sort of help :/

in_mommy · #5 September 6th, 2011, 06:37 PM

Sounds like you really need to talk to him about everything you are feeling about everything. There is no reason that he is constantly spanking your kid! Would he be open to maybe going to counseling someplace? I hope you can get something worked out for your kids sake.

mommy_to_nico · #6 September 9th, 2011, 11:04 PM

definately your situation is somewhat what i'm going through minus the spanking. my hubby and i married 2 yrs ago and i have a son from a previous relationship. my son has adhd & autism. My hubby is a very stressed out, stern man. he's all about children should respect their parents, please and thank you, not being rude etc... but children are children and they are going to misbehave. he was timing him out for no reason. i am sorry to say this but if i found out my hubby was spanking my child, i would def get him alone and say, your over stepping your boundries, this is my child and i am greatful that you accept him as your own, but you don't have the right to displine him by spanking him with out talking to me about it first. instead of saying your spanking him ***?

you should use fair fighting techinque if he starts to argue like, when you_________ i feel________ because_______.

me & my hubby have used it, it works. especially when you just want to explode. also maybe you can talk to your sons and say right now your step father is going through a rough time. if you need something , come ask me, we'll give him some time away from having too much to do. for the younger one, maybe you can say, your step father doesnt like when you misbehave lets have a little reward stickers for every time he's good and he gets a prize, helps your husband and you, hope this helps.

He constantly use to pick at my son for every little thing, it almost caused our marriage to break up, b/c i told him we need counseling or i'm leaving b/c my son comes first and i'm not letting anyone treat him like that, i wouldnt even do that to him. he needs love and emotional support. I def reccomend counseling, it has helped our relationship so much we go 2 a week and our son has counseling as well 1 a week, he's been going 1 yr 1/2 now. i'm in counseling to, to vent and deal with my bipolar issues. hope all works out.