[newmommyof1]

I need a man's opinion, but I'm not sure if there are guys on this...I'm new to JM.

[challowell]

No guys just mommies but we can ask hubbies.

[newmommyof1]

if you could please, i'd really like a man's perspective. my boyfriend and i have been together for 3 years. before we moved in together and decided to have a baby, we had a great sex life. with the stress of moving in together, we started having less sex because it just wasn't on his mind. we moved in together, and found out that i was pregnant 1 week later. he and i both decided that we would allow this to happen, and were pretty excited. however, we did have a miscarriage 3 months prior and our relationship was strained because of it, among other things. anyways, once we got settled and had the great news, our sex life plummeted. i would ask him to have sex at certain times, and he would reply with "really? i'm trying to sleep", or "i don't feel good, i ate too much" and many other things that just felt like excuses to me. it would get to the point where we would fight, screaming and yelling at each other because i would practically have to beg and initiate every time we would have sex. and he would always take getting head over actively having sex. we didn't have sex for at least 2 weeks before my son was born, and that's because i gave up asking him since the last time i did ask..he turned me down. then our son came and was in the NICU, it was a very stressful time...i ended up with endometritis a couple weeks afterwards, etc. we couldn't have sex anyways, obviously, for 6 weeks afterwards. he, in the hospital, requested head twice and shut the tv off both times so that it was completely dark in the room. when we get home, he did the same thing, but he pretended (as it felt to me) that he didn't mean to. so i refused as i took offense to it. we didn't have sex for 4 months after giving birth...because i chose to give up asking him. he finally brought it up and it eventually happened...however, our sex life is still so scattered. we go weeks to months at a time without having sex, and it's only ever because i bring it up. i have checked his cell phone and the history on the computer, and he is looking at porn instead. i'm offended because i already freaked out about the computer, so he started looking on his phone where he thought i wouldn't find out..and that he has reduced himself to looking at porn on a tiny cell phone screen instead of just asking me to have sex with him. i'm just wondering if i should bother anymore, i am so offended and hurt and wondering if he is that unattracted to me and so it makes me wonder if he really ever loved me and really wanted to have a baby with me. if he didn't know that things wouldn't always be great and that it takes time to adjust, then why did he bother getting me pregnant? and i've already talked to him about it, he always comes up with a new excuse of he's just stressed out, which i don't buy anymore. our sex life has been so skimpy for almost 2 years now, it is really depressing.

[in_mommy]

Have you talked to him about your feelings? I am talking about a heart to heart with no fighting or putting each other down. If not try it. If you cant talk to him write him a letter or whatever to get your feelings out.

[newmommyof1]

Yea, I have tried. We've discussed it tons of times, but it always ends up in a fight. He says the same thing every time, that he is stressed out and isn't thinking about sex, and that I just need it more often than he does..but I feel like it becomes a tired excuse, especially when I know he looks at porn. I don't mind looking at porn every now and then, but I mind when he looks at porn and we're not having sex. But I don't understand because clearly the sex drive is there if he's watching porn, I just feel like he doesn't want to have sex with me. I began giving up and started distancing myself, which causes us to fight more but I just feel stuck. I don't want to have to beg to have sex, I've never had this issue and it just makes me feel worse about myself. I could try writing a letter next time it bothers me, but I'm afraid he'll just come up with the same excuses. When does it end, do we need to just move on from each other? I know we love each other, and that he would do anything for me...I just don't know if he's in love with me anymore. What would you do, and what does your sig. other think about the situation? I'm reading all these things about women complaining they have no libido, and their partners being upset over it...but it is completely opposite for me.

[wazza3266]

talking deeply without raising a voice is the best way. play the game where if the other person raises their voice, you are allowed to slap them. it gets everything off your chest and no arguing. you will learn to compromise also.