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Let me just start off by saying that I am grateful for all that my aunt does for us. Now that being said....
We invited my aunt into our home (because she had nowhere else to go) back in September. When she first moved in things were great, she helped around the house and she helped me with my girls.
Now she's starting to discipline my eldest daughter (4 years old), and I seriously disagree with her. The problem is when I try and step in she tells me I'm coddling her and I'm the reason she misbehaves so badly. To make matters worse my husband (who's rarely home during the day, when this is all going on), agrees with her (as far as me coddling her goes, he hasn't came out and blamed me for the way she acts).
It seems my daughter can do no right. She's only 4 years old, she's expected to act up every now and then (yes she does have problems listening and staying out of things), and I don't feel that her punishments fit the crime.
She plays with the cat, the cat scratches her, she gets in trouble (it's her cat mind you).
She runs through the house because someone calls her, she gets sent to her room for twenty minutes for running in the house.
She gets put against the wall (where she has to sit criss cross, eyes straight forward) for five - ten minutes, and if she sighs (too loudly) or gets caught side glancing, she gets an excessive amount of time added onto her original punishment and screamed at.
These are not my punishments that I have handed out. I generally send her to her room for five-ten minutes (depending on the reason she's in trouble), or she stands in the corner for 3-5 minutes.
I'm at my wits end because I feel helpless. If I jump in to defend my kid, I am coddling her and encouraging her misbehavior (even when I try and address the issue when she's not around or within earshot). When I don't jump in I feel like I am not advocating for my child the way she deserves me to.
I'm at a loss as to what I am to do here. I have tried telling my aunt she doesn't deserve to be punished for this or that or doesn't deserve to be punished to the severity that she is (at the least). And nothing has worked.
Anyone else going/gone through this? What did you do? What was the outcome?
I tried to tell my mom from the start that neither her or my dad had permission to spank my children. We were spamked as kids and I don't find it a big deal that my parents spanked me they did not abuse me, it was just a case of these are my children and no one will lay a hand on them. I think my dad understood but not my mom.
It is very hard to watch someone step in especially if you do not agree with them and especially when YOU are present at the time. In this case as much as you love your Aunt, I would say to her she is my child I will displine her and if you can't agree with that then it may be time for you to move on. Tell her you are very sorry and you love her but this is how you would like it. Tell if she has suggestions to bring them up when your daughter isn't around. There is nothing worse for a child when to people argue about a punishment in front of them.
I told my husband before we had kids, we may not agree about how the other handled the situation but never say it in front of each other.
She need to understand that she is your child and she may just being trying to help but it is not her place.
I personally think I would tell your Aunt that she needed to let you handle the punishment of your own child and if she continued to take matters into her own hands and ignore you in your own home that she could find somewhere else to live.
I cannot stand it when people undermine the parents because they think their way is better. Good for them. It's not their child. You're the parent, you know best, you owe it to yourself and your child to put your foot down if you feel uncomfortable with this situation.
Best of luck to you sweetheart.