Log In Sign Up

Alone


Forum: The Venting Room

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To The Venting Room LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
July 10th, 2006, 01:31 AM
EmilysMommy04's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Horseheads NY
Posts: 1,997
Send a message via AIM to EmilysMommy04
Ok This is an emotional rant. I am ready to pack my hubbys crap and kick him out. Everyone is saying no wait talk to him give him a chance. I have given him a chance again and again. I thought we were happy i did everything i could to make him happy. Last yr i was on the depo and it does lower your sex drive. thats the BC my hubby wanted me to go on so i did he knew the side effects. Well just last week I found out that in sept of 2005 my hubby opened an account on a singles site. I found out when he acted wierd and hid the fact that he had a yahoo account . I got his pass word because i knew the answers to his security questions. Anyhow I found out that he had talked to people on there. Sadly enough this was still going in may 14 2006. There is a girl he met online and talked to 2 times. Also on one of his sites there were 3 girls from this area. I confronted him happened to be while he was drinking the same night i found out. He denied it i showed him what was on my lap top and he broke my lap top well i punched him inhhis face and made him hit the wall. IO have been a good wife I have been honest and loving trired to make him happy. He saiid i thought you didnt want me anymore. Back in may we had some problems with him acting like a jerk to me literally he would put me down and just be mean. So when he came home cause he works out of town I would stay at my neighbors on her couch. Anyhow he treid to say he thought i was cheating when in fact i was crying because i love him with all my heart and he is breaking it.. I dont trust him at all. He swears up and down on our daughters life and his grandmas grave he never cheated i said physically no but emotionally yes. Anyhow...He told me he thinks about being with someone else. Because I am the only girl he has ever been with he brings up my past because I have been with others in the past way b4 my hubby. He said i wanna know what its like with someone else. I said go ahead find out but you cant come back to me. The guys he work with are all like dude i banged her and her ect ect. to me thats childish. My hubby said you know whats its like that they have have slept with multiple people and all i have slept with is you. Im like that is immature. yeah they sleep around but they dont have anyone to go home to no one to love them and noone to love. I said people sleep around because they are looking for what you have. Anyhow I gave him 1 more chance he messes up again and I will not hesitate to pack his stuff change my locks and send his stuff to his moms. Well thats not the really bad part. I went to the hospital this past thurdsday . I was having a miscarrage I found out my baby was in my left tube. So they did surgery to me and removed my left tube and my baby. Well I called my hubby the night of my surgery and he wasnt leaving to come be with me through it said ive gotta work in the mornign well work can wait in my opinion. He didnt come either. He kept asking me questions like where is emily is she ok ect ect. I was like you dont even care that i am losing our baby. I said our baby is dting he goes why whats wrong with Emily. I went throught the surgery the only one there was my ex's mom who is like a mom to me. she sat through it with me. my friends were there for a bit then had to go becaus ethey needed to get there kids to bed understandable. they called ect. my hubby didnt call at all. you would think a hubby who cared would be there. I am going through losing my baby by myself. Well my hubby did come home the day after the surgery. he seemed worried and he cried because out baby was gone,. he acted like my old hubby again. It felt so good. Well last night he came home again he was an jerk to me.He came outside to the neighbors where i was for a bit i got tired of being stuck inside. Anyhow he comes down says hi to the neighbors and i went to hug him well he tapped me on my back and pushed me away . he wouldnt hold my hand like he is embarrased to be seen with me. then we were sleeping on the pull out couch cause i need to be proped up and it hurts to lay flat. My hubby was going to sleep and my kitten was playing with him well he took my kitten and dropped her on my stomach righty after i have had surgery i screamed out a bit in pain i said *** i said you know im in pain. This morning he was getting ready to leave for work i was asleep he flicks on the light and then slams the front door taking stuff to the car he knows the screen door slams shut and it needs to be held shut. I find that disrespectful. Well he ignored it and then droppped the dvd and tv remote on my stomach. All I want is to have my husband back. I am considering kicking him out because I cant be with someone who is going to treat me like that. He has no right. He use to write me the most beautiful letters and he was so inlove with me and now he is acting like this. people keep making excuses for him there is no excuse for him dropping stuff on my stomach after i had surgery.
I am almost certain i am leaving. I have told him how he makes me feel and he has the I dont care attitude. I just cant do it anymore. Sorry needed to vent. My life is a mess and im hurting in pain and emotional pain. needed to vent. After my hubby has put me through this i feel love is a myth.
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #2  
July 10th, 2006, 02:32 AM
greenjeans's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Galveston, TX
Posts: 1,731
I'm sooooo sorry about everything you have been through. You are a very strong woman. Honestly, I think there is a lot of hurt on your part that needs to be healed within yourself. With the physical violence that has gone on, it's maybe time to really look at leaving, at least for a little while, to evaluate things and to really heal.
__________________



Reply With Quote
  #3  
July 10th, 2006, 03:19 AM
Stacia
Guest
Posts: n/a
My ex was similar. He talked down to me, degraded me and basically treated me like crap. When we got pregnant he wouldn't go to a single appointment with me and when our daughter was stillborn he was no support what-so-ever. He went out and did his own thing and left me to deal with everything. He cheated on me, killed my self confidence and made me miserable.

I woke up one day and realised life was too short to be that unhappy and left. We didn't have kids together so my decision to leave was an easy one. You have to do what is going to make you happy; life is too short to be miserable.

*HUGS* I hope everything works out for you.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
July 10th, 2006, 06:21 AM
EmilysMommy04's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Horseheads NY
Posts: 1,997
Send a message via AIM to EmilysMommy04
ty both. When we found out we were preggers he was so excited. I gues im angry because of everything he has done in the past and now. And I should be angry. I cant forgive him for what he has done. Im just at the end of my rope i mean he has had no compassion for anything thats happened to me. it sucks . i am an emotional reck and angry but ty both. i will write more later my daughter just woke up ttyl.
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #5  
July 10th, 2006, 09:26 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: San Angelo, Texas
Posts: 3,274
Send a message via AIM to MirandasMommy Send a message via Yahoo to MirandasMommy
Wow, I don't even know where to start. First I want to give you big hugs for being the strong woman that you are. It takes a lot to go through what you've just been through, especially alone. It seems IMO that you've made several efforts to tell him how you feel about your relationship and he just doesn't seem to care. I honestly feel that you've done the best you can, and I know it's hard, but you have to do what's right for you. You deserve to be happy. Please keep us updated and remember that we are all here for you.
Amanda
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #6  
July 10th, 2006, 10:43 AM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 14,873
Wow, you have really been through it!!! ((((((HUGS)))))) I agree with what the others have already said, maybe it is time to move on, I hate to say that though. You have told him how you feel on more than one occassion, he still does not respond to what you have said. It almost sounds like in a way that he likes to torture you, if he is dropping stuff on you where he knows you have pain!! Emotional abuse is just as bad as physical abuse. Abuse is abuse, no matter what the type and NO ONE DESERVES IT!!!! You and your precious daughter deserve to be happy and to be treated with love and respect!! Do you want your daughter to grow up thinking that it is ok to be treated in that manner, because she sees daddy doing it to mommy??

May I also suggest that you check out the Controlling and Abusive Relationships forum located directly below this one. You just need to PM TylerJ1029 to get access to the board.

Please keep us posted on how you are doing!!! (((((HUGS)))))
Reply With Quote
  #7  
July 10th, 2006, 12:25 PM
mrobinson
Guest
Posts: n/a
Quote:
Ok This is an emotional rant. I am ready to pack my hubbys crap and kick him out. Everyone is saying no wait talk to him give him a chance. I have given him a chance again and again. I thought we were happy i did everything i could to make him happy. Last yr i was on the depo and it does lower your sex drive. thats the BC my hubby wanted me to go on so i did he knew the side effects. Well just last week I found out that in sept of 2005 my hubby opened an account on a singles site. I found out when he acted wierd and hid the fact that he had a yahoo account . I got his pass word because i knew the answers to his security questions. Anyhow I found out that he had talked to people on there. Sadly enough this was still going in may 14 2006. There is a girl he met online and talked to 2 times. Also on one of his sites there were 3 girls from this area. I confronted him happened to be while he was drinking the same night i found out. He denied it i showed him what was on my lap top and he broke my lap top well i punched him inhhis face and made him hit the wall. IO have been a good wife I have been honest and loving trired to make him happy. He saiid i thought you didnt want me anymore. Back in may we had some problems with him acting like a jerk to me literally he would put me down and just be mean. So when he came home cause he works out of town I would stay at my neighbors on her couch. Anyhow he treid to say he thought i was cheating when in fact i was crying because i love him with all my heart and he is breaking it.. I dont trust him at all. He swears up and down on our daughters life and his grandmas grave he never cheated i said physically no but emotionally yes. Anyhow...He told me he thinks about being with someone else. Because I am the only girl he has ever been with he brings up my past because I have been with others in the past way b4 my hubby. He said i wanna know what its like with someone else. I said go ahead find out but you cant come back to me. The guys he work with are all like dude i banged her and her ect ect. to me thats childish. My hubby said you know whats its like that they have have slept with multiple people and all i have slept with is you. Im like that is immature. yeah they sleep around but they dont have anyone to go home to no one to love them and noone to love. I said people sleep around because they are looking for what you have. Anyhow I gave him 1 more chance he messes up again and I will not hesitate to pack his stuff change my locks and send his stuff to his moms. Well thats not the really bad part. I went to the hospital this past thurdsday . I was having a miscarrage I found out my baby was in my left tube. So they did surgery to me and removed my left tube and my baby. Well I called my hubby the night of my surgery and he wasnt leaving to come be with me through it said ive gotta work in the mornign well work can wait in my opinion. He didnt come either. He kept asking me questions like where is emily is she ok ect ect. I was like you dont even care that i am losing our baby. I said our baby is dting he goes why whats wrong with Emily. I went throught the surgery the only one there was my ex's mom who is like a mom to me. she sat through it with me. my friends were there for a bit then had to go becaus ethey needed to get there kids to bed understandable. they called ect. my hubby didnt call at all. you would think a hubby who cared would be there. I am going through losing my baby by myself. Well my hubby did come home the day after the surgery. he seemed worried and he cried because out baby was gone,. he acted like my old hubby again. It felt so good. Well last night he came home again he was an jerk to me.He came outside to the neighbors where i was for a bit i got tired of being stuck inside. Anyhow he comes down says hi to the neighbors and i went to hug him well he tapped me on my back and pushed me away . he wouldnt hold my hand like he is embarrased to be seen with me. then we were sleeping on the pull out couch cause i need to be proped up and it hurts to lay flat. My hubby was going to sleep and my kitten was playing with him well he took my kitten and dropped her on my stomach righty after i have had surgery i screamed out a bit in pain i said *** i said you know im in pain. This morning he was getting ready to leave for work i was asleep he flicks on the light and then slams the front door taking stuff to the car he knows the screen door slams shut and it needs to be held shut. I find that disrespectful. Well he ignored it and then droppped the dvd and tv remote on my stomach. All I want is to have my husband back. I am considering kicking him out because I cant be with someone who is going to treat me like that. He has no right. He use to write me the most beautiful letters and he was so inlove with me and now he is acting like this. people keep making excuses for him there is no excuse for him dropping stuff on my stomach after i had surgery.
I am almost certain i am leaving. I have told him how he makes me feel and he has the I dont care attitude. I just cant do it anymore. Sorry needed to vent. My life is a mess and im hurting in pain and emotional pain. needed to vent. After my hubby has put me through this i feel love is a myth.[/b]

This breaks my heart.. You're one of the sweetiest ladies.. I've never wished anything but happiness for you.
You're a strong woman to have gone through this. You are more than entitled to have reached your limit with him. For what he has done to you, I hope in reflection you can see how this is not right. It's no wonder you feel love is a myth. Hon, I'm so sorry about your baby.

You want is your husband back? Hon, sometimes all we want is our fondest memories of what he was like once or could have been.. That's why when relationship end we have to go through the grief and loss cycle. We need to mourn what could have been. That's gone for now. I think seperation is the minimal action to be taken. You're in a delicate spot where in order to mourn the lost of your baby, let alone his crap, you need a safe place. If he's throwing cats on your wound.. nope ~ not safe.

You can pm em anytime. I'll be worried about you and I'll be praying for you. You're a kind soul, and don't deserve this.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
July 10th, 2006, 01:26 PM
ilovemy3wikids
Guest
Posts: n/a
Hi,

I wanted to say that I am so sorry to hear what you are going through ... I would like to share my story with you ( also posted in controlling and abusive relationships lounge)

6 yrs ago I turned 18 and thought that it was so cool that I could finally move out and be on my own. I fould a guy that was living in the city that I had always wanted to move to and started seeing him immediatly. He had his own place and I was moved in within a week of meeting him. I thought it was so cool to finally be on my own. All started out good between us and I must say that I was happy. Than it started. A few weeks into it he started fighting with me about me having friends, buying me clothes and telling me I had to wear them and such. It got bad. I was ready to leave but there was something that kept me there. I had gotten pregnant. I was 18, had no job and pregnant. A few mo later he wanted to marry me so I did. We were married September of 2000. The fighting got worse, we would fight for 8-9 hrs at a time! He constantly put me down. I was always crying But I felt I could leave. He cheated on with over 100 women, sometimes bringing them home in front of me. He forced me into sexual things over and over and than it happened. I was 6 mo preggo with my DD and he got mad. He pushed me into a wall hard enough to bruise my back and tried to punch me in the stomach. I almost lost my DD ...I spent the night in the hospital. I ran next door to the neighbors and called the police. They found him in the apt holding his fully loaded gun saying he was going to kill me. He was arrested but his parents bailed him out 2 hrs later. He was told to stay with them until the hearing. He got orded to go to anger management and was palced on probation. Nothing changed and when he was done with the program the charges went off his record. Things got worse and after my DD was born he started to abuse her and tell me over and over that I could never find anyone else. I always had bruises and he did stuff to me that I'd rather not talk about, but I will NEVER forgive him. NEVER! To make a long story short I left him and was divorced in Sept of 2003. It was hard cause I had no money, no job, nothing, but I had my daughter, and I knew I was doing what was right for her. She wouldn't have to see the fighting or see him hurt me. She wouldn't get hurt. Things had to be better than how I was living. When I left things were hard. VERY hard. I got child support but not enough to say boo at. I started babysitting and was on all the govn't programs. But then something good happened. I met my now DH online. We talked for 5 mo before meeting and everything was perfect. We have been married since May 17, 2005 and have a son together! My ex is no longer in the picture and my DD thinks of my current DH as her own daddy and vice versa! Why did I write all this, cause I want all of you that are in a bad relationship and feel like you can't leave that you can. Anything is better than being abused and controlled. I know that it is hard to leave. I went through 3 yrs of HELL. But please get out. There is always a way and it will make you stronger! Hugs to all that are in a bad place and I am here if you need to talk!I know how hard it is to leave. Over and over I kept thinking he'd get better....he even came to marrige councling and it didn't help. No woman or child deserves to be beat or controlled. That's not REAL love and it's not the way to live. There is way better out there! And no matter what a guy says you can do it, and it's better to be away from the abuse. It's never easy to let go. But the guy will not get the kids completly away, most of the time the woman is awarded custody even. I just want everyone to know even though it's hard to keep your head up and move on to the better things in life...you deserve it!

Please think about leaving if it's bad. Things very seldom get better and emotional and mental abuse are just as bad as physical. Be strong and I'm here to talk if you need to!

Reply With Quote
  #9  
July 10th, 2006, 05:03 PM
Stacia
Guest
Posts: n/a
Quote:
You want is your husband back? Hon, sometimes all we want is our fondest memories of what he was like once or could have been.. That's why when relationship end we have to go through the grief and loss cycle. We need to mourn what could have been. That's gone for now. I think seperation is the minimal action to be taken. You're in a delicate spot where in order to mourn the lost of your baby, let alone his crap, you need a safe place. If he's throwing cats on your wound.. nope ~ not safe.[/b]
I waited around for six years for my husband to come back but he never did. In the beginning he was loving and caring but he turned into this selfish pr*ck.I always thought that loving caring guy would come back. Just when I thought I couldn't take it anymore I would see a glimpse of the guy I fell in love with and think he was still in there somewhere. He wasn't.

If he is visiting online dating sites and hiding accounts from you then his heart is not into the relationship the way it should be. You and your daughter deserve so much better.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
July 10th, 2006, 09:04 PM
mrsracatoe's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,203
Send a message via Yahoo to mrsracatoe

I have been in some similiar situations. My ex never came back to the way that he was when we first got married. I waited until my rope broke. I wish you all the luck in the world for the courage to do what you feel is right!! Good Luck!
__________________







Reply With Quote
  #11  
July 11th, 2006, 11:09 AM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 14,873
How are you doing??? Are you ok??
Reply With Quote
  #12  
July 11th, 2006, 12:36 PM
baccalynnwv's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: West Virginia
Posts: 5,232
I couldn't even read all of your post. It broke my heart.

Listen, even though he may not have slept with other women - which I have my doubts - the very fact that he is THINKING about it to me is unfaithful. I can't believe he even told you so.

So what if you had other people in your past and he didn't. You gave up that life to be with him and to be a family. A relationship involving only the two of you should be something that the both of you look forward to for your future. If he was any sort of good husband, he would cherish and honor you and YOU would be the only one that he EVER wanted/wants.

The way he is treating you just makes me so sick.
__________________
Becca

<div align="center"></div>

<div align="center">Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6</div>
Reply With Quote
  #14  
July 14th, 2006, 12:43 AM
EmilysMommy04's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Horseheads NY
Posts: 1,997
Send a message via AIM to EmilysMommy04
Thank you all so much . Things are a disaster here. hubby and i split he wanted me out. the night we split i got online at my neighbors house and an old friend of mine pm'd me he asked how i was. I let it all out . then somehow we ended up dating as we are now. I dont know why. I dont love him he filled that void in my life for only a moment. he lives 5 hrs away from me. He wants to move with me. But i cant I cant be with him. I knew he had a crush on me. I dont know why we started talking serious. I know that this will hurt him but I just cant. I gave my heart away along time ago... i dont have it to give to him. So now im stuck with another problem. I am writting him an email today and telling him i cant do this. I have a sick gross feeling inside of me. Because Im so in love with my hubby . All i want is for him to love me back. this is so hard . I want my family back I want my baby back I want my life back. yesterday when my hubby was here he tried to be lovey dovy with me he cried and said how sorry he was. He said he just wanted me to be happy. then he left for work i wont see him for 2 days. All i want is him. Im gonna lose my friend over this. But i dont think i can ever love him and its not fair to play with his heart. Which i didnt mean to do. SO i will be back on the boards in a bit ive gotta do something its eating me inside.
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #16  
July 28th, 2006, 05:30 PM
Veteran
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 467
Hi there, if you don't mind, I'd like to respond from a man's perspective... My wife found these forums to be a great support during her first pregnancy, and I got to reading with a few occasional posts during the confusion of our son's premature birth, but I digress...

I feel bad for you and your family, but being a man, I'm not as comfortable talking about that as I am getting to my point.

The way I see it, your husband is missing a very big point - he's supposed a man and a husband, but most important of all, he's supposed to be a father! What you've described is somebody who is avoiding all of the above.

Ugh... and I wrote that before I read as far as "Well thats not the really bad part." I'm speechless. I hate hearing about these kind of things

As someone outside of the situation, FWIW IMO the simple question seems to be this: Is this the man that you want to be the father of your children? I hate to make it sound so simple because I can't imagine the emotional distress this must be to go through, and I'm sure it seems like you only have bad choices to choose from.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
July 29th, 2006, 07:39 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 5,109
Send a message via MSN to Snow Mami
I'm so sorry. I understand how it feels when someone you love changes, I had to keep telling myself "Just because you love him doesn't mean he's good for you".

On another note: Your grief over you MC seems to be affecting the way you look at your relationship (i.e, you want your baby back, and you want your "family" back. which includes this jerk) I think you should get some couseling to help you seperate the two issues. Maybe there is some free counseling in your area???
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #18  
July 31st, 2006, 09:39 AM
mrobinson
Guest
Posts: n/a
Quote:
Hi there, if you don't mind, I'd like to respond from a man's perspective... My wife found these forums to be a great support during her first pregnancy, and I got to reading with a few occasional posts during the confusion of our son's premature birth, but I digress...

I feel bad for you and your family, but being a man, I'm not as comfortable talking about that as I am getting to my point.

The way I see it, your husband is missing a very big point - he's supposed a man and a husband, but most important of all, he's supposed to be a father! What you've described is somebody who is avoiding all of the above.

Ugh... and I wrote that before I read as far as "Well thats not the really bad part." I'm speechless. I hate hearing about these kind of things

As someone outside of the situation, FWIW IMO the simple question seems to be this: Is this the man that you want to be the father of your children? I hate to make it sound so simple because I can't imagine the emotional distress this must be to go through, and I'm sure it seems like you only have bad choices to choose from.[/b]

Quote:
I'm so sorry. I understand how it feels when someone you love changes, I had to keep telling myself "Just because you love him doesn't mean he's good for you".

On another note: Your grief over you MC seems to be affecting the way you look at your relationship (i.e, you want your baby back, and you want your "family" back. which includes this jerk) I think you should get some couseling to help you seperate the two issues. Maybe there is some free counseling in your area???[/b]

You two rock!!! That's great advice on top of all the others!

I'm still thinking about your too girl. How are you feeling?
Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:59 PM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0