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Annoying: People using their child's histories/disabilities/etc as a crutch


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  • 1 Post By cybele

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  #1  
April 13th, 2012, 02:56 PM
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So, this lady's kid was at the playground the other day throwing rocks at and bullying all the other smaller kids, including mine, my friend's 2 kids and a couple other kids we don't know.

My kids came to me first....I told them to handle it and go play.
My friend's kids came to me next and pointed out the kid throwing rocks at them, meanwhile two other children came to me to complain (I don't know those kids) and started telling me the kid was throwing rocks, pushed one girl and smacked another and was cursing at them, telling them to shut up, etc.

So I walk over there, since NO parent is to be found anywhere besides me and 1 other girl, and we accounted for our own kids. I told the kids, didn't single the girl out but told the kids that they better "knock it off" or I would be getting in touch with their parents and they would get in trouble and "some of you might even get a spanking, I don't know" The other kids knew they didn't do it and every last one of them (there were about 6 not including mine, or my friend's kids) pointed to the girl who was bullying. I said "Well, ok, then you all know who you are and if you didn't do anything, you won't have to worry, those who do it again? Your parents will be notified" (These kids are not babies, they're like 9-12 yo)and walked away. My friend says "Which little brat threw something at my kid because if my kid gets hurt..." and trailed off and the kid freaks at that point.

Kid goes crying to her mom and mom comes up to us all and says really snotty "What exactly is happening here?" I tell her "Well your child was throwing rocks and the other kids were complaining" She huffed, like literally huffed! She said "Well my kid said that some one told her ONLY, that SHE was going to get a beating by her mom" I said "First off, lady, your kid wasn't singled out, second, no one said anything about beating anyone, but I did say that some of the kids might get a spanking when they get told on and 3rd of all your child was the ONLY one who was throwing rocks and bullying but I addressed the ENTIRE crowd even though no one else was at fault" She said "Well, she's been abused so it's not funny" and I responded "OK then I'm sorry if I scared her, but I have no way of knowing which kids are abused and which aren't and usually, if I have to address a child this way, they KNOW what they're doing wrong and stop it....besides, you weren't here" She huffed and said to the child "Come on, we don't need to play with these people anyway....and walked off and pointed and complained to other parents.

First of all, I'm like thinking She shouts her kid is abused in front of EVERYONE and probably mortified the child worse than my telling the kids they'd get into trouble with their parents for throwing things/bullying. Second, SHE was not there and didn't see anything because SHE left her kid unsupervised. Third, she's using her child's previous issues to excuse her child's bad behavior. She never once asked the child "Is this true?" or told her that throwing rocks/bullying was wrong! I was in shock. I at least thought she'd be smart enough to ask the child if I was telling the truth! But she didn't. She decided that it's okay for her child to be the abuser because she was once abused.

I feel bad for the child. The mom isn't doing her any favors by saying "She's been abused" every single time something goes wrong. Whether or not that's even true? I have no idea. But if it is? Her child will use those facts to make excuses for the rest of her life. What happens when she has kids? "Well I beat my kids because *I was abused"? The mom is setting this child up for failure. I feel so bad for her and others like her where excuses are made, no accountability is held and kids are allowed to do what they want regardless of those around them just because something bad happened to them. So DONE with people and their drama!
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  #2  
April 13th, 2012, 04:50 PM
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I really dont think its a good idea to go around threatening children you dont know with spankings, thats a little off.

On the other hand, children still need to learn responsibility for themselves and their own behaviour, regardless of their history. It sounds liek this mother isnt doing the child any favours, but then, no one knows the back story to this little girl, she could have just been removed from an abusive family a week ago and hasnt had the time to start the healing or learning process yet, or on the other hand, it could not even be real and just be a made up excuse.

Honestly, the best thing to do in that situation would have been to tell your kids to just stay away from that little girl.
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  #3  
April 13th, 2012, 05:22 PM
Keepin' it real!
Join Date: May 2009
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cybele View Post
I really dont think its a good idea to go around threatening children you dont know with spankings, thats a little off.

On the other hand, children still need to learn responsibility for themselves and their own behaviour, regardless of their history. It sounds liek this mother isnt doing the child any favours, but then, no one knows the back story to this little girl, she could have just been removed from an abusive family a week ago and hasnt had the time to start the healing or learning process yet, or on the other hand, it could not even be real and just be a made up excuse.

Honestly, the best thing to do in that situation would have been to tell your kids to just stay away from that little girl.
Yeah I see your point (of course I never did state *I* would do anything to them). It's just my kids and the others have been bullied by this girl too many times. It gets old
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  #4  
April 13th, 2012, 07:07 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: NE Arkansas
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This child is being set up for failure. She's being taught to use her past as an excuse for her actions instead of learning to take responibility for her actions. I see this situation over and over again. A child that makes excuses and it is always someone else's fault, it gets old.
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  #5  
April 15th, 2012, 04:05 AM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
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Posts: 14,873
Exactly what the PP said. That is sad...
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