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  #1  
May 31st, 2012, 11:13 PM
RoseRed92's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: May 2012
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 140
So, I should start off by saying my boyfriend is in a local band (not really making any money at it, but we'll see how that goes over the next year), is totally addicted to getting tattoos, and works at a gas station 30-odd hours a week.

The paychecks he gets from working at the gas station and the money he gets from odd-jobs on the side are barely enough to cover our rent ($400 a month) and phone bill ($75), and yet, somehow, he has money to set aside for tattoos. His latest addition (a currently colorless phoenix surrounded by flaming skulls with "Rise Above" around it) set us back $200. Not all at once, of course, but he's getting others at the same time (the seven deadly sins across his shoulders, bars of music on his arms, etc etc.)

When he says, "Oh, it's only going to cost about (enter money amount here)" all I'm hearing is a waste of money. The $300 dollars it'll take to finish his "sock" tattoo could pay for getting our van fixed ($60), the crib for the baby ($170), and finish paying off his credit card.


And on top of the tattoo issue, we have some other problems going on. One day about a week or so ago, I was going to get on the shared computer to check my e-mail. I see his is open, and I'm going to close it, but what should catch my eye but an email with the subject line "Pet" and part of the message being, "I saw your ad on craigslist..." So, being curious, I had to investigate.

Turns out, he's had three or four ads posted on craigslist looking for "discreet hookups," "someone to dominate me," and "sexy conversations." If that wasn't enough to make me want to hit him... He also had some pretty curious messages from facebook when I actually started snooping in the emails. Meeting up with exs for hookups? Talking about our relationship with people that have no business knowing personal things about us?

I tried talking with him about it, but nothing really phases him. "It hurts pretty bad, doesn't it?" was his only response. I admit, I had a bit of a thing for a distant acquaintance of his that turned into us taking a break so I could be with the other guy. But nothing came of it. Here he is, out looking for hookups when I'm pregnant with his baby...

It's frustrating to say the least, but we're trying to work it all out. For those of you that pray, keep me in your thoughts.
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  #2  
June 5th, 2012, 01:33 PM
MindyRambo's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Quebec, Canada
Posts: 801
I'm sorry you are dealing with all this stress when you are pregnant, that can't be easy.

That being said, it doesn't sound like he is at all ready for a baby, and doesn't sound like he's someone I'd want to be the father to my child. He sounds like a child himself with the "it hurts doesn't it" comment, like he is trying to get revenge or something. It's also quite alarming that you are having a baby and can't afford $60 to get your van fixed. I'm not blaming you, it's not your fault he apparently cares more about tatoos that his baby or his girl being able to get around in the van. But it does beg the question, do you really think he will get any better once the baby is here?

I understand you were just venting, but those do sound like some serious problems that need addressing now before the baby is here. If he won't talk to you, or listen to what you have to say, I'd leave his sorry butt and never look back.
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  #3  
June 6th, 2012, 09:34 PM
RoseRed92's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: May 2012
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 140
We're trying to work things out right now. The van has been taken care of (thank God), but there are deeper issues in our relationship that we're dealing with.
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  #4  
June 7th, 2012, 05:10 AM
MindyRambo's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Quebec, Canada
Posts: 801
Well best of luck to you, take care of yourself and try not to stress too much.
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You think the only people who are people, are the people who look and think like you, but if you walk the footsteps of stranger, you'll learn things you knew... you never knew.
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  #5  
June 7th, 2012, 06:58 AM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 14,873
Is he really being honest and are you being honest when you guys talk about your feelings and your issues?? I would be having some major flags going up and the trust with him would be totally gone. Is he earning his trust back with you? Do you have another place that you can go until he gets is act together and grows up. It is all good to have that lifestyle if you do not have kids or one on the way, but when you do, priorities change and that baby has needs. The baby needs to have a roof over its head a place to sleep. If you can barely cover rent, then his priorities need to change. Do a budget together showing all your expenses and money coming in. Also write down what things the baby will need as well and then go from there. Good luck! Let us know how it goes!!
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