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Depression


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  #1  
November 4th, 2012, 05:22 AM
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1
The first time I was depressed was when I was 12 to when I was 16. I was never diagnosed with it, but looking back on that time, I am almost positive that I was. I was very sad/angry for a very long time and I know now that the way I was feeling was not normal for a girl that age. I never told anyone how sad I felt then because I was terrified of disappointing my parents, although I know that there were some people at school who definitely could tell. I had to see a therapist when I was 13 and 16, but it did not help me at all. I stopped going after only a few meetings with each one.

Anyway, now I'm 22 and I'm beginning to feel really sad again. The other day, I was talking to one of my professors during her office hours. We were by ourselves and she was asking me all these questions in order to get to know me better. She told me that I seemed very sad and asked me if I had ever been depressed before. I didn't want to lie so I had said yes, I thought so. I did not plan on telling her about this. I've been keeping this a secret for a while. I thought I was good at hiding it, my family does not know. But, my professor is also a therapist, so I guess she is trained to recognize the signs of depression. That's what she told me, that she could see some of the signs in me.

She had suggested I go to the counseling center on campus, but I said no. Therapists do not work for me. I don't really trust that what I say will be kept a secret from my family. I don't want anyone to know about this, especially them. I guess I just have a hard time trusting people in general. Pretty much everyone in my life has done something that hurt me and I automatically look for the worse in people. But this professor is very sweet, I know she didn't have to do what she did and listen to me and support me. She has showed more interest in me already than my family has. I did feel a little better after talking with her. I'm hoping that I can trust her, but I am still afraid that she's going to tell my secret and hurt me just like everyone else has.

I would like to have a relationship with her. She is very nice and caring. She seems like she understands what I'm going through and she will be there for me when I need her. After our meeting, she sent me an email saying that I should tell her if I needed anything. She is the only person who seems like she actually cares. I don't have anyone else to talk to. Like I said, she is the only one that knows I am depressed. I am aware that she is my professor, not my therapist. I know I have to be careful what I tell her. She told me that she can't counsel me, but she did give me some advice on how to help with the depression. The last thing I want is to unload all my problems onto her and make her feel awkward and uncomfortable.

I want to have a relationship with her. She is the only person that I've been able to connect with in a very long time. I just don't want to take advantage of her. I'm not that type of person. I just don't know if I can trust her or not, but I really want to feel like I can. I don't want to weigh her down with my problems, but I want to feel like I can go to her if I need help. Otherwise, I'm dealing with this on my own and it's really hard sometimes. Depression really sucks.

What would you do if you were in my situation?
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