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My adult daughter has disowned me because I will not accept her boyfriend. The problem is that she left her marriage and divorced her husband for this man (15 years her senior). I have told her that in order for him to be involved with the family, he must come and meet me so we can clear the air about how their relationship started and how he would not back off so my daughter could sort through her marriage on her own. Until recently my daughter and I have been able to talk and be civil. Now that the holidays are getting close, she had cut me out of her life--blocked me from seeing her Facebook posts, won't respond to emails, even when we spoke last told me to have a nice life. I am not the only family member who has a big problem with her new boyfriend. What should I do?
I cant imagine how difficult this must be for you. I have been in a similar situation, but I was the one "disowned" by my parents for "upsetting them." After a whole year of no contact what so ever no matter how I tried to reach out and express myself, they have only slowly just began to speak. I would suggest, as difficult as it will be, especially around the holidays, just dont talk to her. Leave her alone to sort out what she wants. I would send her a letter explaining WHY you feel the way you feel and share some ideas of how to resolve the situation. I would also suggest you send TWO copies, certified, to her, and one to the new boyfriend, so they have to sign so you KNOW they at least received it, even if they choose not to open it. You never know if he or she will throw away a letter if they are not forced to "acknowledge" receiving it. This will be a long slow process, and painful. All one can hope is it will sort itself out before too long. I do wish you the best of luck.
I don't think you should cave. What she did was wrong. And if you bend, then you will be showing others, such as the grandchildren, that it is ok. You need to live by a standard.
You may miss this Christmas with her. But that boyfriend does not sound like the sort that will be around long. Make arrangements through the ex to see the grandchildren for Christmas. And eventually, the home-wrecking boyfriend will move on to his next conquest and your daughter will come back around. And hopefully, she will think twice about how her actions affect others, BEFORE she does them.