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Ladies Tea Baby Shower Invitation Drama!


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  • 4 Post By Casey99
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  #1  
July 5th, 2013, 04:23 PM
SouthernBelle86's Avatar Rachelle
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HELP! I just need to vent and some support from other mother to be or those who have young children and can relate to the situation.

I don't really want children at my baby shower in September, we sent the invites out this week and it says "Please join us for a Ladies Tea in honor of mother-to-be 'me". The invitations are pretty formal and have a rsvp date on them.

Do you think ladies will still bring kids to a formal ladies tea or ask when they call to rsvp? If you got a invite in the mail like this what would you do? My own sister has a 7month old baby and said she would refuse to come if she couldn't bring her baby and I told her that's fine as long as she didn't mind holding her in her lap the entire time sitting around a table with 6-8 other ladies. We are expecting up to 40 guests and I told her that I hope she doesn't feel strange if she is the only one there with a child as it's meant for adult ladies. She than got pissed and said she probably won't come and called my mother and ranted and said the baby shower is suppose to be about babies not the mother-to-be and if kids show up and tear open gifts, mess floors up and I don't get my $150.00 deposit back from venue I need to suck it up and accept it. What hurts about this is I hosted her shower last year and spent over $500.00 on it at my home and she never offered at all to host mine or help at all. My mom said she is jealous that her baby won't be the only grandchild anymore and will have to share time and money now when it comes to grandma and grandpa wanting to help me for awhile instead of her for the past 7 months.
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  #2  
July 5th, 2013, 08:12 PM
Lucy S.'s Avatar POAS addict
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hmmm that's tough and it's a touchy subject for a lot of people..
That said i do think people will bring kids. Well people I know would. I personally don't bring mine because they don't have fun at things like that and I don't think going to a party with kids is much fun unless it's a kids party.
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  #3  
July 6th, 2013, 07:25 AM
katylady's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Sounds like your mom needs to watch what she says. She will do fine with sharing her grandma love with both babies it will just be different and she hasn't experienced it yet so she might be confused on how it will work out.

The baby shower- If it is just for women only (no children) I would try hard to find a babysitter. I still would expect a baby if it is breastfed. I brought my 16 month old to a baby shower a couple months back b/c DH was at Drill with the NG. I did ask if it was okay to bring her when I RSVP'd.

Lots of luck with your baby shower. Don't stress about your mom and sister. Hopefully they figure out the right state of mind to be in and that this is YOUR baby shower not their social hour.
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  #4  
July 8th, 2013, 11:09 AM
Kalia20's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Baby showers are about the mother to be and HER baby, IDK the way your sister said it sounds like it's a kids party, but it's one for an unborn baby (babies if multiples). That would bug me.

Unless an invitation says something specifically about it being adult only, I would assume kids will be brought. Where I'm from, unless said specifically it's a given kids can come. I had three showers for my first only one had kids.
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  #5  
July 9th, 2013, 08:52 AM
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I think its pretty simple. Its your party, you get to decide the rules. If you don't want kids, no kids. But your guests are free to decide not to go based on that, and you don't get to give them a hard time about it. Your not a mother yet so you don't get how it feels when someone treats you baby like your bringing a freaking dog to the party. Your about to have a baby so really I recommend you get used to the noise, mess and inconvenience that comes with having them places like a get together. And soon enough you will know what it feels like for someone to treat your baby like such an annoying life form that "it" can't even be in their presence at a party. Btw, when you have your baby, s/he will be the most awesome baby ever, not like all the other brats you don't want at your party. Not to mention, this is your sister...so its your own niece that you don't want around? There's going to be 40 people, I doubt you'll even notice the baby. Its just weird that your about to have a baby and you are annoyed enough / concerned enough with children and their destructive behavoir that you don't want them at your shower...boy are you in for a rude awakening when you baby gets here!!

HOWEVER, whether your guest agree with your no kids rule or not, it still is your party so they should not give you a hard time about the no kids rule. I don't think someone should try and pursued you to let them bring their kids if you are set on no kids. I suspect your sister, since this is her first baby is still adjusting to the limitations being a mom has. And people throwing no kids allowed parites is one of them. I'm about to have my third, so I'm pretty used to it, but I remember at first it was hard, know ing I couldn't go to a function because the host had an adversion to children. But now I realize I'd rather save my money (oh yeah no kids rule means no gift from me) and spend the day with my DH and the kids, rather than watching a premadonna throw a huge party for themselves just because they are about to do something women have been doing since the beginning of time, have a baby.

I did recently make a point to get a sitter for a first communion for my niece, which I think is totally different, and btw kids were allowed I just didn't feel like trying to control mine in a church for over an hour.


If it doesn't say no kids on the invite, you may have people bringing their kids,since not everyone sees kids as party ruining monsters and wouldn't assume they must leave them elsewhere for the occasion. So if that's the case let people know asap that its no kids allowed. I would be pretty pissed if I went out and got a gift and planned to go then found out only days before I couldn't bring my kids ONLY because I have a lot of trouble getting a sitter especially last minute

Personally I dislike baby and bridal showers specifically so I love when it s no kids allowed because I have the perfect excuse!


Oh and your mom sounds like she has no clue about anything, what a crappy comment to say about your sister. I don't think a good mother would talk that way about one of her kids to the other....
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  #6  
July 9th, 2013, 10:10 AM
MindyRambo's Avatar Super Mommy
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I agree it's your party and you get to decide.

I also agree that you don't have a babe right now, and I think when you do it might make it easier for you to understand why your sister might feel hurt. Maybe if you get invited to a shower when you have your babe, and kids aren't allowed you will understand her a little more. That said, she's being dramatic about it...

Also I have to say it sounds like your mother is playing you two off each other... Remember that if she says things like that to you about your sister, it likely also works the other way around
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  #7  
July 9th, 2013, 02:47 PM
Lucy S.'s Avatar POAS addict
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HOLY CARP Flame much?!!
You are making a lot of presumptions about the OP!
Did you really think that reply helped any? You really could have worded that differently to be helpful instead of hurtful




Quote:
Originally Posted by Casey99 View Post
I think its pretty simple. Its your party, you get to decide the rules. If you don't want kids, no kids. But your guests are free to decide not to go based on that, and you don't get to give them a hard time about it. Your not a mother yet so you don't get how it feels when someone treats you baby like your bringing a freaking dog to the party. Your about to have a baby so really I recommend you get used to the noise, mess and inconvenience that comes with having them places like a get together. And soon enough you will know what it feels like for someone to treat your baby like such an annoying life form that "it" can't even be in their presence at a party. Btw, when you have your baby, s/he will be the most awesome baby ever, not like all the other brats you don't want at your party. Not to mention, this is your sister...so its your own niece that you don't want around? There's going to be 40 people, I doubt you'll even notice the baby. Its just weird that your about to have a baby and you are annoyed enough / concerned enough with children and their destructive behavoir that you don't want them at your shower...boy are you in for a rude awakening when you baby gets here!!

HOWEVER, whether your guest agree with your no kids rule or not, it still is your party so they should not give you a hard time about the no kids rule. I don't think someone should try and pursued you to let them bring their kids if you are set on no kids. I suspect your sister, since this is her first baby is still adjusting to the limitations being a mom has. And people throwing no kids allowed parites is one of them. I'm about to have my third, so I'm pretty used to it, but I remember at first it was hard, know ing I couldn't go to a function because the host had an adversion to children. But now I realize I'd rather save my money (oh yeah no kids rule means no gift from me) and spend the day with my DH and the kids, rather than watching a premadonna throw a huge party for themselves just because they are about to do something women have been doing since the beginning of time, have a baby.

I did recently make a point to get a sitter for a first communion for my niece, which I think is totally different, and btw kids were allowed I just didn't feel like trying to control mine in a church for over an hour.


If it doesn't say no kids on the invite, you may have people bringing their kids,since not everyone sees kids as party ruining monsters and wouldn't assume they must leave them elsewhere for the occasion. So if that's the case let people know asap that its no kids allowed. I would be pretty pissed if I went out and got a gift and planned to go then found out only days before I couldn't bring my kids ONLY because I have a lot of trouble getting a sitter especially last minute

Personally I dislike baby and bridal showers specifically so I love when it s no kids allowed because I have the perfect excuse!


Oh and your mom sounds like she has no clue about anything, what a crappy comment to say about your sister. I don't think a good mother would talk that way about one of her kids to the other....
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  #8  
July 9th, 2013, 06:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucy S. View Post
HOLY CARP Flame much?!!
You are making a lot of presumptions about the OP!
Did you really think that reply helped any? You really could have worded that differently to be helpful instead of hurtful

I'm blunt, deal with it. I don't believe it coddling people. She's about to have a baby, and she pissed because her SISTER wants to bring her NIECE. If she's that annoyed with kids now, then she's about to get hit with a ton of bricks when she has her own. Some people really love kids, some just want them because its the thing to do. Someone that really loved kids would not mind if people brought children to their baby shower. Someone that wants to be the center of attention and does dare want any child to ruin THEIR day, would throw a childless party. She sounds like the latter, but people do it and its still her call, so therefor her sister should not fuss over it, but her sis has every right to not go based on that too, and the OP has not right to demand people go with the stipulation they can't bring their kids. And from her post, it doesnt sound like she's doing that, so I don't think she's in the wrong.

Basically she's venting her oissue with kids at her special aprty...which is being thrown because she's about to have a baby...it IS kind of ironic, no??

That's nice that you are all sweet and whatnot, but I'm not. Well, I am, but not when someone posts something like this. Honestly, if she were throwing a childless party for her bday, I wouldn't have said as much as I said. But its a baby shower!! I just cant get over the irony of it!!

And my post wasn't hurtful, it was direct and to the point. I have thick skin, direct and to the point doesn't bother me. Sometimes I forget that some people, especially women, are very sensitive and get easily hurt by such direct and blunt communication. I understand that some people need answers that beat around the bush, and make them feel good while delivering the message. But *what* I said was on point, just not said to your liking I assume.
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  #9  
July 9th, 2013, 08:53 PM
Lucy S.'s Avatar POAS addict
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Well since we are making ASSumptions.. I think you are the type of person who wants it HER WAY or it's obviously the WRONG WAY. I think You feel like YOU deserve to have what YOU want and WHO you want with you no matter WHO'S party it is. I am sure YOU are the type of person who giggles when your child runs around like a terror and brat thinking about how wonderfully cute they are, while others plug their ears and roll their eyes at you. I am sure you think it's so sweet when your little one bulldozes the guest of honor during presents and "helps" unwrap presents and steals gifts because your child is probably feeling just as entitled as you.. Wiping frosting on the carpet? OH MY HOW CUTE!! I am sure if you have a dog you think you should bring it in the store in your purse.

Do I actually think all this? NO. But that's about how wild and stupid you went with your presumptions and how RUDE you came across.

I DO think you are rude, selfish and self-centered yourself. And you (like most rude, selfish and self-centered people with BIG MOUTHS) hide behind "honesty" and use it as an excuse to be MEAN.
I'm blunt, now you deal with it.

oh and P.S.


http://sd.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk/i/k...e-not-your.png
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Last edited by Lucy S.; July 9th, 2013 at 08:55 PM.
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  #10  
July 9th, 2013, 09:06 PM
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I think that asking for no kids is perfectly normally especially for a formal tea however I do agree with another poster that if you have friends or a family member who is nursing a baby that's different. Plus a baby isn't going to make a mess or really ruin anything. I personally would love a couple hours away from my little people to enjoy some get dressed up grown up them :0)
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  #11  
July 10th, 2013, 04:04 AM
MindyRambo's Avatar Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucy S. View Post
Do I actually think all this? NO. But that's about how wild and stupid you went with your presumptions and how RUDE you came across.

I DO think you are rude, selfish and self-centered yourself. And you (like most rude, selfish and self-centered people with BIG MOUTHS) hide behind "honesty" and use it as an excuse to be MEAN.
I'm blunt, now you deal with it.

oh and P.S.


http://sd.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk/i/k...e-not-your.png
I totally agree with this, I mean *I* am blunt, my reply was blunt, yours was just an excuse to be mean... And maybe Casey99 when it's not just *some sensitive women* telling you this, but literally almost everyone who responds to you, you might consider that you aren't just blunt, you just like being rude.
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  #12  
July 12th, 2013, 08:39 PM
Eleanor-Abigail's Avatar Keep Calm and Baby Dance
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Yikes. Can we get some odds on whether Casey99 is OP's sister?

I brought my LO to a couple showers when I was nursing her. I would say I brought "demo model." LOL. If OP's niece is that young, she can stay in the baby carrier and will probably sleep most of the time anyway.

When we are invited to a gathering, the host wants to spend time with us. Respect and civility require that, if it's a "no kids" party, you leave the kiddos at home. Example: My SIL didn't attend my stepbrothers wedding b/c it was a "no kids" thing but my brother went. It wasn't like SIL was in a huff, she understood. Truth be told, her girls would've been bored out of their minds anyway.

Question for the OP: you mentioned not getting a deposit back. Are you hosting this shower or is someone hosting it in your honor? Inviting people to your own baby shower is completely off-side, IMO. I'm not clear on that from your post.
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  #13  
July 16th, 2013, 06:49 PM
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I think it's fine to not want to have kids at any kind of event... even a baby shower. A 40 person baby shower can get out of hand if say, 10-15 people bring kids, especially if they are the same age. Suddenly it's not a lovely afternoon with tea and "Well, lets talk about the baby!" and yes, it's okay to have all eyes on the OP.... it's her freaking baby shower! It turns into an afternoon of half the mothers talking and the others containing their children. Not all women HAVE to like your child or want to be around children all the time. It IS okay to want an afternoon without kids, especially at your event.

My daughters teacher invited me over for "adult drinks and a movie" as he put it, and since he invited the family it's hard to get a sitter. I was a little put off but then I thought "Ya know, it's his event, and if he doesn't want to entertain my child even though he LOVES her (we are VERY close to this man) he doesn't need to have her there and is within his right to request a dinner and movie night without the kiddo." So I got over it. So when it happens, I'll find a sitter. Easy enough. And if others are that put off that they won't go... well that's their loss.
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  #14  
April 7th, 2014, 09:34 AM
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Baby Showers are to celebrate the Mom to be - its not a kids birthday party. It would be rude for a guest to bring their small child. Its also your shower so you get to say who you want to invite. Traditional baby showers do not have children present and it isn't polite to ask if you can bring children to someone else's event.
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