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DH's family owns a Machine shop and they also have a lot of projects on the side one of them being cars. If they aren't at work working on jobs it's always some project that they are working on. I feel like I'm a single mom raising our 2 kids, soon to be 3 kids, on my own. Daycare is to expensive so I have to stay home all the time with the kids which i don't really like all that much because i get tired of being at home all the time. Then a few months ago they told me that they were going to be out of town for 10 days this month which isn't a big deal since they go on hunting trips a lot but this time it was for some car race. The worst part is is that it also required them to work on it full time late every night months before the trip to get the car finished in time. Lets just say no matter how I feel about it they are going to do it anyways and don't care what I think but all the time that it took away from me and the kids just made me hate the car, project and just everything about the whole thing. Now they are on the trip and we were doing fine at talking on the phone without the car or race or anything related to it coming up. So this morning I get this call from DH and he says "I just go done racing the car" I said "oh" just not happy about it and not wanting to talk about it but not wanting to upset him either. So I get asked if I care he was racing the I said "i don't know" just trying not say anything negative about it so he says fine i'll call you later, whatever I could care less what was coming next in the conversation. So then this afternoon I get blamed on an text message for making him sad because I didn't want to hear the story about his race. I said you didn't even tell me a story and he says because I didn't say yes I wanted to hear the story when he didn't even ask me that. The only thing I can think of/see when I hear about that car or anything related to it is anger and sadness and it feels like it and all the projects from before and that will still be are taking him away from us and never ends. It's not just the car it's all the times before building up and I can't take it anymore. I'm tired of feeling like I live alone and that we come second to everything else. He keeps saying, what about all the wives that have husbands in the military that aren't there a lot which I say has nothing to do with this since they knew that going into it and that that is their job not just projects that don't benefit anything or anyone. And when they come back it will be another thing they have to work on and another and another and I'm SICK OF IT. He doesn't understand and anything his dad wants to do he does and doesn't care how we feel about it. What is the point of being married when you aren't really married because he's never there?! All I do is housework and take care of the kids alone, he does nothing to help with them other then take our 4 year old for a few hours down to work while they are working, might as well be a single mom. What am I getting out of it?
An ultimatum may upset him. But I would try having a conversation with him about all these projects. Tell him you want him to be home by a certain time to spend time as a family. Tell him how you feel. If he doesnt change, you honestly may want to consider a divorce. Hopefully it wont get that far and he wil make more of an effort once he understands how serious it is. The only thing about divorce is you may struggle financially a bit more... I really hope talking to him helps. I agree with having date nights and eachother time, but thats not possible if he is never home. The kids also need their father and you need a break. Another suggestion would be say you are leaving for a couple days and you need him to take care of the kids/household, maybe he'll realize just how much work it is.