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I just need to vent for a second. I was close to my mother until 7th grade. In 7th grade, my 18 year old sister got pregnant. My sister needed my mom's help more than I did (I was very self sufficient) so my mom started spending all of her time with my sister. My sister and niece have continued to live with my parents. My niece is now 15. During that time, my mom has been there for everything my sister or niece needed. However, when I need her it is too inconvenient. She didnt show up to my wedding because it was at an inconvenient time. When I separated from my ex and I asked her to come stay with me for the weekend she said she couldnt because my niece had as soccer game. When I bought my first house, she couldnt come to the house warming party because my niece had a soccer game and they wanted to shop afterward.
Fast forward to now. Last week my niece had a doctors appointment. It wasnt for anything serious. My mom took a day off of work so that my sister wouldnt have to go to the doctors appointment on her own. Today I scheduled my daughter (1.5years) for adenoid surgery. This is my first child and her first surgery so I am an emotional wreck even though I know this is a routine procedure. I asked her to come to the surgery to be with me and she told me it wasnt covenient for her. It just hurts so bad that she i not there for me. I have told her this before but I havent gotten anywhere with it.
I'm sorry I have a pretty stressful relationship with my mother too (similar to your story, she just never wants to come around). the best thing to do is stay self sufficient as much as you can, and keep your distance. there will come a time when she needs you
I'm very sorry that she hasn't been there for you when you need her. It's frustrating, and very unfair to you and your child. Honestly, I would stop asking her to help with things if you know that she won't. I know it's hard, but you might as well save yourself the heartbreak of her constantly saying no if you know she won't help.