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me and my sons father have been together since april 16th 2001, which was only a couple of days after my previous boyfriend broke up with me(me and him were together for 1 1/2 and were like best friends for like 4 years before that so i guess i was on the rebound)...for the first o lets say 8 or 9 months every thing was gravy...he treated me like gold, ie...bought me things said sweet things, cried when i cried, etc.... thing to that nature...then id say around the time i got pregnant with the first baby(which i ended up miscarrying) things started to change...first it was just the words he would say...then a push and a shove...now its escalated so much that i can harldy keep focus of whats really going on....while i was nine months pregnant with my last son he broke my ear drum,..after i had my son...3 days after exactly he left across country with his cousin who get this...is a PIMP and also the "godfather" of my first son(at least thats what he thinks) he didnt call for 2 weeks because he said he knew i would be mad and he didnt want to deal with that...then he said that he went down there to pimp also with some girls that he took down there with him....he stayed gone for 5 weeks and came back with new clothes and 3 new pairs of shoes and not ONE article of clothing for his son...after he came back he has given me a couple of black eyes, and the grand daddy of all....beat me with a broom stick...although i cant say that
im totally innocent since i fight back but i believe that self defense...anyway i just moved back to IL a couple of days ago since he beat me with the broomstick but i just found out i was pregnant!:*( its not fair...i was sooooo ready to move on and this pops up...i hate being alone when im pregnant...when i was pregnant with my first son i had to go to a shelter for 2 months, then i finally got my own apt in IL and he told me to move back up there with him so i left EVERYTHING in my apt but a bag of clothes and took the greyhound with the little bit of money that i had gotten with my last check...and for what? i found out 3 weeks later that he was cheating on me with a girl that lived next door! come to find out he gave me a std while i was 6 months pregnant but i didnt know that until i went to the hospital because i just knew something wasnt right...thats when he admitted to it....then a year later the girl said that she was going to have his baby...after all that i left him for 4 months and he tried KILLING himself! he was in the mental hospital for a week...but in those four months i met a guys and unexpectedly got pregnant( i was on the pill AND used condoms)...after that happened the guy and i went our seperate ways because he said he thought it was my first baby's fathers baby and not his which was not true....but so my boyfriend and i got back together after he knew that i was pregnant and everything...someone told me that if he was there for me when i delievered, it meant he really loved me because it wasnt his baby....but its not like i cheated on him or anything........ive been with him so long i dont know anything else...i say to myself that i love him but i dont know if love is
enough....i know whoever is reading this is like "why didnt she call the cops and press charges or something?" but i have...i even went to the district attorney when he broke my ear drum when i was nine months pregnant and the district attorney didnt think that it was serious enough to press charges and take it to a jury trial....its like if i could just get him in jail, i wouldnt be able to run back to him....but the police arent about nothing in milwaukee....i cant seem to find even an advocate whose on my side...they told me that it would be a waste of my time to get a restraining order! so i didnt....im so confused right now because i just got off the phone with him and i know hes sweet talkin me but i cant help but wonder "what if""...what if hes really changing?...i havent told him im pregnant yet but ive been hinting little things like "what if i became pregnant again what would we do?" and he said "man, you'd need to get an abortion we cant afford another one", but he hasnt worked a job in over 2 years! that why...my 700 dollars a month only goes so far. i dont believe in abortion...and i was thinking about adoption with my second child but i just couldnt do it....i feel extremely alone...im not trying to feel bad for myself because i know ive made bad choices but i dont know where to go and what to do to make it better...i think i know but i need to be sure...i cant tell my family about this new baby either...i waited until i was nine months to tell my mom and grandparents with my second son...only my aunt, best friend and boyfriend knew about it beforehand...and know that i JUST had a baby....theyd probably disown me or something....i feel like im ######ed if i do and ######ed if i dont....like next week i was supposed to start a training program for culinary arts and i was taking assesment tests for college...but now i moved back down here so i feel like i have to start all over again....the only thing i own really is my car which breaks down every few days....i know that if i could just stick it out at a shelter in milwaukee for a few months id have money saved and probably a house of my own...but i dont want to do that again especially with 2 babies...ok i think im done typing.........
<~desperate for advice
Let me start out by giving you some big ((((((((((HUGS)))))))))!!!!
I think that you should just make a clean break from him and go on!!! What happens if his violence turns from you onto one of your babies?? I am not saying that it is right for him to do it to you either, because it's not. You shouldn't stay with him just because you are afriad of being alone. I understand about feeling lonely while pregnant. BTDT. I understand about having thougths of giving up a baby, BTDT. It sounds like you have made plans to have a future, culinary school. He has no means of supporting you or the kids. What will he do to you when he finds out that you are pregnant. Search out support groups, keep calling the police. Take pictures of yourself after he does stuff to you to have for future reference. I urge you not to go back to him. The sweet talk doesn't last forever.
I'm in totally over my head now, but here goes: Go to the phone book and find the number of an abuse hotline. Call someone there and take careful notes of what the counselor says. Then follow that advice to the letter.
Do not let that idiot back into your life, ever. There is no excuse for what he's done to you, and don't let him EVER convince you otherwise. It's got to be brutal to be alone and pregnant-- I can't even imagine it. But far worse than that would be if he ever turned his anger on your kids. He's an adult(????) man- imagine the damage he could do to an infant. Get him out of your life NOW.
Good luck. NOw take that first step and go get the phone book.
WIFE TO PETER
MOM TO BRIAN (6-18-98)
ITA with Alice! Your kids come first!!!!! This is not healthy and if you want the best for you and your kids nail the door shut! My sister was in something very similar and it took a while for her to get out and it by no means was easy...but to this day she says it was all about her kiddos! Hugs and prayers to you!
ITA with Alice!! I feel so badly for your situation right now!! I wish I had some words of wisdom, but I dont. I would really listen to what Alice has said though. I'm sure the abuse hotline can put you in touch with somebody who can help you get onto the right path. Good luck and please do me a favor and just drop the jerk! He needs some major help and from the sounds of it will NEVER change.
You need to think of what would be best for your son, an abusive father and a mom that puts up with it or a mother who is trying hard to make it? I think you just need some support and you know we all can do that. But about the 2nd baby, i would not tell him cause he will try to get you back and people only change if they rrreeeaalllyy want to and i dont think he does. You need to do what is right for YOU and dont think about what anyone else thinks. I support any decision that you may decide to make regarding this pregnancey, i know you said you dont beleive in abortion but sometimes it is best in certian situations. My family comes from an abusive relationships and it just runs in the family if you let it so break free and just start over with your son (((((hugs, good luck ))))))
ya know what the crazy thing about it is? i actually considered abortion with my second son and then i considered adoption but couldnt do either one when it came down to it...im very impulsive so im very glad i did neither one...when i found out about my third and current preggo i thought the same things but i know deep down i just cant do it...sometimes i almost wish that i didnt care because this is getting so hard.......i just wish that i could be as strong as i sometimes perceive myself to be..there are some many out there who have been through this and have not looked back once...i dont know where to find the strength at?