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i swear i wanna just die


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  #1  
October 6th, 2004, 09:28 PM
crazylady
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ok this might be TMI for you guys but i cant tell this to my best friend just because i know she will tell my family....
i just got word from my doctors office that my pap came back abnormal at my 6 weeks postpartum check up way back on aug 24th...why they waited THAT long to notify me is beyond me...but now they wanna do a colposcopy and possibly a biopsy...they said that it is either precancerous cells that are abnormal or get this...HPV!!!!! omg i could die...that is genital warts for you guys who dont know...i could just die if that was it...ive never had an abnormal pap before and ive had at least 50 in my lifetime...i swear if this SOB gave me something i cant get rid of ill kill him and myself....or worse yet i might have cancer somehow what the hell is going on here?????!!!!! im not promiscuous at ALL so why the hell am i getting this crap??!! i know sooooooo many other people who have had more partners than me (lets just say i can count on 1 hand) and never have had any problems like this...my best friend included..not that shes a **** but she has at LEAST 10 guys on me...ive had 2 stds before(trich and clamydia) and i just dont get it...shes had none and shes got WAY more experience on me in that department...and now the possibility of having this gross disgusting virus just makes me wanna die plus if it ever did show up positive the chance of me needing a c section rises significantly and the baby could also contract the virus in his/her throat and possibly have SEVERE consequences...omg im freaking out and they said that they shouldve really even do a biospy because now im freggin preggo again omg i swear to god im gonna seriously die i feel so nasty omg omg omg or i could have cancer....how the hell can i have this?? im only 20....havent had a lot of sexual partners and ovarian or cervical cancer doesnt run in my family....i swear to god my life is going down hill every second i live....i try to leave this ###### and this is what i get back in return?! PLUS on top of this i just found out that since he got a job about 3 weeks ago....his paycheck was cut 40 dollars for child support...so i expected a check to be coming and after a while i called them...well he mightve gotten this b**** preggo last year and shes not sure of who the father is (because on the court order they sent him it had 2 other guys listed as potential fathers that were also going to be tested...i saw it)... anyway so h e never showed up for the testing and it got rescheduled i guess...but i just called the child support agency to see if and where my check was mailed out to me(ive had a court order for child support and he signed an irrevocable "parternity acknowledgement" form that states that there was no need for a DNA test since he knew it was his child) but ive had a court order for child support for 40 dollars a week since june of 2003!! and ive only got 1 payment of 40 dollars and that was in october of 03...but anyway i found out from the child support agency that I AM NOT GOING TO RECIEVE THAT PAYMENT ....SHE IS!!!!!! and she isnt even sure if that his kid plus hes only 3 or 4 months old and my son is 19 months old!!!! omg im gonna kill that SOB and that B****...i swear...then i asked them why the hell are they not sending ME the child support and she simply stated..."ma'am i cant help you"!!!!!!!! WHAT THE HELL..i go for child support for brian (my second sons father) on the 13th of ths month but hell probably just say its not his but i am 1 million percent sure and deep down he knows devin is his kid...if i really didnt know id list everyone it could be so that id know and get child support from the right guy and my son would know his father...i dont care if he wants the stupid test done...as long as i dont have to pay for it he can have at it!! hell just feel sooooo stupid when he finds out that he has had a son born for 3 months now and he hasnt even seen him!! HA HA HA HA....that child support thing REALLY pissed me off..she shouldnt be entitled to it...and i DEFINITELY should since umm lemme see...hmm i HAVE A FREGGIN COURT ORDER AND I KNOW AND HE KNOWS AND THE COURT KNOWS THAT DAVID IS HIS KID!!!!!!!! ugh i could die right now and not even give a ######.......
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  #2  
October 6th, 2004, 10:04 PM
BluesCluesMom
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I am so very sorry you are going through this right now!!!

I can give you some encouraging words about the possibility of HPV...HPV is far and away the most common STD out there. It is estimated that 60% of US women have it...and most strains don't cause warts at all (this is why so many women have it at don't even know).

Also...most strains of HPV work themselves out of the body in time....I know that it is a very scary proposition but I promise you'll be okay.

Try to keep your thoughts positive and think of your babies and how much they need their mama to be strong.

Big hugs to you and if you ever need to vent....I'm always open to listening!!
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  #3  
October 6th, 2004, 11:40 PM
grneydgurl's Avatar Super Mommy
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I have to agree with Dani. I too was diagnosed with HPV after my son was born. I dealt with it for years (until I left my sons father) because I kept getting it. I went the colposcopy's (sp) for the dysplasia and I have been clear from it from almost 8 years. I also freaked when they told me that and went crazy on my DH for screwing around on me but I was told that it was stress on the uterus from giving birth that brought this all about but the HPV may have been there for years because sometimes it doesnt really even show on an STD test.


And as for the child support issue, I believe (and I could be mistaken) if you filed first for child support compared to this other person your case would be first. Which means you would get the highest that you can get, then she would get what he can afford after you two have an agreement. My friend went thru that, her ex has three boys by three different women and she got shafted because hers was the last of the bunch. So her CS isnt even worth sneezing at. But still it is something.


I hope that helped. And like Dani said, Im here if you need to vent.
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  #4  
October 7th, 2004, 05:25 AM
zonapellucida
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Repeat "it is going to be okay" I completely understand your worry and anger! ((((((((HUGS)))))))))))
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  #5  
October 7th, 2004, 06:07 AM
Ma2RayPooh
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just take a deap breath and try to relax until you find out what is really going on. i know it is hard and i would probably hit the roof also but you dont know for sure what is going on. you are pregnant and need to think of your baby and your other kiddos! i sure do hope things get better for you so the stress can come off a little. please keep us updated! (((((hugsss))))
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  #6  
October 7th, 2004, 07:31 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Norhern California
Posts: 2,592
I hope the abnormal pap turns out to be nothing serious. I'm sorry you have to go through all of this.

(((Hugs)))
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  #7  
October 7th, 2004, 09:56 AM
mom2one's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 1,422
I had the colposcopy and possibly a biopsy done when I was about 18 from an abnormal pap. They just freeze and remove the top layer of agrivated cells and that was it. No STD or PID or anything, it was just a minor abnormal pap. But they do do a biopsy in case it is cancer. It's not about STDs but about just being sexually active and possibly some imflamation. Nothing to get worked up about. My doc said it was just from being sexually active. I have had normal paps ever since then, I'm 30 now!

No big deal, calm down and don't worry about it.

The procedure hurts like hell though...sorry!
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  #8  
October 7th, 2004, 01:55 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2004
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I am soo sorry! No court that I know of deals with child support in an efficient manner. Once its proven the child is his, the $$ should be taken from him and given to you PERIOD. The guy seems to be able to screw the system no matter what---job changes, moving, getting several girls pg, you name it----and it falls on the mothers shoulders. My friends babys father is 6,000 behind and STILL gets to see the kids. It is gross. I hope things get better for you. Don't worry @ the HPV thing either. You will be fine. ((((HUGS))))
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  #9  
October 7th, 2004, 04:04 PM
grneydgurl's Avatar Super Mommy
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Quote:
No court that I know of deals with child support in an efficient manner.[/b]
What I meant by that was, my friends ex has four boys that he pays child support for, hers being the last..... The way the court did it here was took his wages with the first case filed and combined their income and in the state of NH it is 25% of that is the childsupport. Then the second child would be his pay after the first childs support and that would be his income plus hers would make 25% and on the way done the line. She was told that they couldnt give the same flat rate across the board because believe it or not the man needs to live too. I laughed and she told them for 38.00 a wk they could keep it because it wouldnt even cover diapers and such. I talked her into keeping it and putting into an account for him. She was mad, and I personally do not blame her.
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  #10  
October 7th, 2004, 09:04 PM
Stephanee's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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oh hun calm down a lot of us are here for you... but here are my words of advice... what someone had said, that HPV is one of the most common STD's, well its true... to be honest with you... I have HPV... the virus, not the physical signs (warts). it feels like the end of the world, but from my experience its not. you won't want to believe me now, but once they come back with the coposcopy results, you will be fine....
FYI: go onto your webmd.com website (but they won't tell you everything)
also: HPV if not the wart virus, can not be traced back to a sex partner... how do i know... my obgyn told me so... i will never know who gave HPV to me... it will not effect anyone but yourself... the only outcome is more papsmears.. i promise cervical cancer is slim to non... please don't worry.. and feel free to contact me ok... im here for support...
-Stephanee :hug2:
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  #11  
October 8th, 2004, 05:08 AM
Silver's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 1,205
I don't have any advice about the child support...but I can relate when it comes to both the HPV and cervical cancer thing...


I've been for many many many colposcopy appts...and unlike what mom2one said it didn't hurt one bit. When they take the biopsy, they spray a freezing chemical on your cervix so it doesn't hurt. I'm 25 now and just now since the age of 19 have come up with a clean pap. I've been for COUNTLESS biopsies of my cervix, so much so that I actually asked the OB if I had anything left down there to snip at!! lol If they find cancerous cells they'll remove them. It's again no big deal, and I did NOT find it painful in the least...and ...They give you the day off work! WAHOO!! lol

As for HPV...Same thing...My S/O gave it to me...and it actually developped when I was preggers with my daughter. Both my OBGYN and my Doc told me not to worry that it could NOT be transfered to my baby...Believe me I asked...It's not harmful to you in the least...just can be a little annoying...I also asked how common it was...and my OB said that actually %90 of the population has this...and do not know it. It can go away on it's own, and if you have the "warts" you can get them removed for cosmetic reasons but they do go away on their own...

Anyway...hope that helps to relieve some stress anyway...Take Care...The Colposcopy is no biggy...
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  #12  
October 9th, 2004, 09:21 PM
crazylady
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thanks EVERYONE...gee i didnt know it was sooo common...im really scared that if i did have it...that i would need a c sec...i REALLY dont want that...god i cannot wait till this is over...and i dont have the appointment until the 25th of this month...my mom said that if it was REALLY bad that they wouldve scheduled me earlier....but again this hospital is known around milwaukee as the "Baby killing Hospital" so go figure....i dont mean to whine...i really dont i just feel like everything is coming down on me at once...i know that for somethings that have happened to me aremy fault...but ###### i KNOW not ALL of them are...i just makes me want to throw up....i fond it REALLY hard to get up in the morning as it is...now that im preggo i swear im like 8 times more tired and sickly....and i cant let anyone know how bad i feel because then they will suspect that i am preggo and that DEFINITELY is not a good thing....i wonder where i will be at a year from now........
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